Hi
For years I wanted too give up gambling. However I was just chasing that one big win and convincing myself I could just walk into the sunset whistling. I did win big on a couple of occations and just blew it thinking I could win more, normally ended throwing a bank loan, overdraft and payday loans into that loss trying to chase my losses. I'd recover financially and do it again, sure many here know how the story goes.
About two years ago I had an epiphany. I didn't want this life anymore, I didn't want to be this person anymore. Always skint, always lying to people that my life was fantatic. The stress, the anxiety, the depression, no self respect and the worst is the sense of felling worthless because I had no self control. I decided this was it 'change your life or this will be you forever'.
I can't speak for everyone here, can only speak for myself. Thou I'm sure many can relate. Sure some can wake up the next morning and go 'thats it, start of a new life, never gambling again'. That didn't happen with me. Next morning I woke up it was facing up to the reality of life. Debt, living in a house share (I'll admit I like that now lol). Not the material possestions that really bothered me it was I lost my ambition for life. The last two years has been a real journey for me. I had to do lot of soul searching about who I had to become and how to get to the person I wanted to be. I had to look at the damage I had done in my lofe. Friendships, relationships and opportunities lost. Having to mend broken bridges like repairing bridges with my family. Coming to terms with reality that some bridges are permantly burnt and can't be repaired.
For me I easily stay away from gambling for months and not think twice. Its when I became complasent and get caught off guard something insignificant can trigger a relapse. I ended up gambling again once when I lost £5 on a raffle. This was more painful than a big loss when I wanted to gamble. The sense of defeat is extremely difficult to live when your trying to quit. Theres only one thing you can do, pick yourself up and carry on, two step forwards and one back. I learned lessons from every fall and have gradually built up the strength.
Its been 6 months since my last gamble. I'm now dept free and saving for my first car. I'm turning 30 in 2 days. I've wasted a lot of years and money. The lessons I've learned in the last two years is not to be envious of what other people have got and what I don't. Not to get nostalgic and angry about whats been lost. You learn to look at the small things in life and what really matters. The one thing I truely grateful is I have my pride back, my self respect, motivation, self control and my ambition for life. I feel like I can do anything in life now. Sure the real world can suck sometimes, just better to weather out the storm than too hide in a world of gambling.
Thanks for reading 🙂
I have lost a huge amount of money and had many sleepless nights. I read your column and realise I need to change and appreciate life for what it is. I had close to twenty k and now down to 6k I have family of one and have been down at times through work or trying to win to pay for something when I have got it already. I am struggling to tell myself hang on everything's not that bad because of huge losses. How do we start appreciating life for what it is and what's best way to take first step..
Hi jimmyw1
First of well done for admitting that you need help and want too change. That's a massive first step.
losing £20k is a huge amount I must admit. Your left with £6k which is still a huge amount to some.
i have no idea how your mind is working, I'm going to take a shoot in the dark and guessing your thinking of putting most of that if not all remaining money on a dead-cert that can't lose. You might get lucky however when is enough enough? If you lose, than what? Take out a bank loan, if that loses, than what? A losing streak as bad as yours (I've been there) we think if we can get our money back, than life will be back to normal. It won't be, I promise.
You said you have a family, you owe it too them and yourself to get out of this vicious cycle of winning & losing. I understand your in a dangerous position. Your prob not getting sleep because your mind is stressing how to get that money back. The mind of a compulsive gambler docent accept losing.
Most people don't give up until hitting rock bottom. Your not at rock but I'm afraid you will be sooner or later with this lifestyle.
Big question is how do you stop. I'm afraid that's something you have figure out yourself. A good start will be taking a nice long break from gambling, try and look around your life and see what can be improved. Are there things that want to make you gamble. Does gambling make you happy? I also strongly suggest using the free facilities that Gamcare & GA offer.
If you need someone to chat too, than feel free to stay in contact 🙂
I am new to the forum - how you describe how you felt about yourself sums up how I feel about myself, and it really helps to know someone else has been there,, and got out of it. I did give up gambling once before, so I know it is complacency that is the worst enemy. Thanks for sharing your success story, and giving people like me hope
jimmyw1 wrote: I have lost a huge amount of money and had many sleepless nights. I read your column and realise I need to change and appreciate life for what it is. I had close to twenty k and now down to 6k I have family of one and have been down at times through work or trying to win to pay for something when I have got it already. I am struggling to tell myself hang on everything's not that bad because of huge losses. How do we start appreciating life for what it is and what's best way to take first step..
Not sure where you are in your situation but I hope you stashed that £6K away somewhere because the vast majority of hardened gamblers would carry on and lose it.
Hi all
I am a first time poster and have just yesterday done what I feel is the most difficult thing to do and that's to be honest with my girlfriend about my persistant gambling and the debt I am in. I have caused a lot of upset and as of now its too early to say where we will be down the line. I look at myself as a gambling addict and think how selfish I am and it was time to front up and come clean. So here we go its day one I have spoken to gam care who have directed me to the counselling service and I have promptly contacted. Good luck all.
Hi all
Thought I'd have a little update and share my thoughts since my last post here. My life is going well for me, been working incredably hard saving money and earning more when the opertunity presents itself. Now debt free after so many years of paying of bank/pay day loans, actually have money in the bank that is mine. I have a path and goals in life which I'm setting out to acheive.
I can confidently say my compulsive days of gambling are well & truely behind me. The pain and lost money is a distant memory to me now. However, I don't want to forget that pain & suffering. As historians always point out if you forget the lessons of the past, we are destined to repeat them. I'm going to continue coming back to this forum from time to time. Hoping maybe I can continue to help others with advice & support. You will find that by helping other, you will help yourself.
I've learnt a hell of a lot over the years. Being a compulsive gambler, being in debt is like being in a big hole in the ground with no light to guide you out. You have to ask yourself a serious question, do I want to give up gambling? I've seen too many people say 'yes' to this after feeling sour when they've lost a lot of money. Only too return to gambling once they've cooled down after a month or so. If after searching deep down the answer is 'yes' than your ready for the next step to giving up gambling. This bit involves the rest of your life. Sounds daunting doesn't it? yep, it will at first. In my opinion and personal experience a lot of people use gambling as a retreat from the realitys of life. Theres nothing wrong with wanting to get away from things once in a while, just if your going have a hiding place, my advice don't make it a pub or a bookies. Abstaining from gambling is a great starting point, thou you need to build on it in order to progress. If your not happy with something in life, try and change it.
Hi Matt
Thank you sharing your thoughts here. They make a lot of sense. I completely agree with you that gambling offers that escape route from life's realities. However the route is disastrous and tragic for people who after getting sucked in destroy themselves and their life. For the ones who decide to fight back after being wounded, it may be a hard grind but well worth it. They manage to come out with the wisdom of not just gambling issues but also of life. It is like a metamorphosis. I think you have undergone this and are an inspiration to all here!
I think that there is no shame in referring to oneself as a recovering addict for the rest of your life. One, it keeps you from being complacent and helps being vigilant against any slippage that might open up a potential pathway for self destruction irrespective of the amount of time one has abstained. Two, it keeps our feet grounded to not just our acquired wisdom but also of others. I think recovery is a blessing in disguise. It could potentially help in uncovering roadblocks for personal growth while at the same time gifting the recovering addict immense strength in coping with life's challenges in a new holistic way. I am looking forward to this journey now, rocky roads not withstanding. I am a recovering addict and I have no shame in admitting it. I love and approve of myself the way I am and am open for the new and positive changes in my life.
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