It's 30 days since I last gambled having gambled consistently for 19 years. And I can honestly say the urge to gamble isn't there anymore... It died. RIP, actually don't rest in peace.... Just cease to exist.
If anyone who is suffering is reading this right now, please believe me, it does get better.
I gambled because it felt good. I felt in control and other issues melted away. But then I couldn't stop and the debts and guilt changed the way I lived. I forgot who I was.
Over time being in debt was the norm. I always lived in my overdraft. Losing thousands in a day and having to pretend to be okay while eating dinner with family became easier... I say easier, I just became a better actor. It actually killed me.
Somehow I have raised a family and had a career. But always gambling on my phone, in secret losing so much... Waking up to come to terms with the devastating losses.
Holidays pretending to be okay and trying to enjoy the sea and building sandcastles with the kids but holding on for the withdrawal, bet, overdraft, verification or text from the bank saying I was in the 'unauthorised overdraft' so maybe I couldn't fill up the car to get the family home.
I don't quite get how I did that to myself.
A big thanks to Gamcare. The councillor I had call me was amazing. For the first time in two decades someone really understood what I was going through.
I have so neglected myself, I see this now. I fed the gambling addiction and chased the dopamine.
I am still in debt. The scars from gambling are there. The ripples on the water are sill visible but the nightmare is over.
It does get better. Not straight away. Not in a straight line. Sometimes you have to take 5 steps forwards and slip 3 steps back but you are going in the right direction.
The forum has been a great help. Reading others experiences that mirror my own helped me become self aware and not feel alone. It's a great shame more don't use this resource.
If you are reading this well done for being here. You are on the right path.
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Hi
I believe what you say because so much of it relates to most of my life. for the first time ever next week I start a new job that isn't a zero hour minimum wage zero barrier to entry job and its not an inconvenience im looking forward to it.
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The biggest freedom I find is my mind, No longer worrying about that cash out pending documents or as you say waking up with the realization of what you lost the night before
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Sounds like your on the right track keep it up!Â
@scar well done with the new job scar. Â
Yeah, the constant anxiety of living on the edge is something I became used to. By the end of it I was numb to wins and loses until I really did hit rock bottom and woke up.
That is why this forum has been so good to me. To read someone elses experience and realise that it wasn't just me that has been going through this has been a real eye opener.
Someone posted that they even dreamed of slot wins when they tried to stop, this is exactly what happened to me. Someone else said they had a nightmare about someone breaking into the house after big losses, again, the same happened to me.
The making a withdrawal and the casino stalling for ID checks and then finally seeing it hit my bank, but I had gambled it again before it ever even reached my account.
All the best with your journeyÂ
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Is there anyway if blocking non uk sites ??♀️ I’ve lost so much money and even borrowed to clear debt and spent it all again!!
@idxzpqlkgv hi Josie.
You can install Gamban onto your device and this will stop you being able to access both UK registered and Non UK registered sites.
I lost alot on non UK casino sites as well. Borrowed and ended losing it back on the sites so I know what it feels like.
Non UK sites are not regulated so most of their player protection is non existent. They love problem gambler's from the UK who are self excluded from UK casinos to sign up with them so they can get your cash.
Many won't self excluded you if you tell them you have a problem. Or if they do will allow you to reopen when you ask. They also make sure you can reverse your pending withdrawals so hold on to it for days/weeks so you get tempted.
Add the dodgy terms, unfair bonus conditions, exchange rate losses and the fact that if you win they may just decide not to pay you and there is nothing you can do about it.
Try Gamban. But also try and get to a point that it is you alone who says no to gambling. Â
All the best ??
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Last year I started this topic to celebrate being 30 days GF. My happiness was premature to say the least. Later the same day that I wrote the OP I deposited to an online casino. Worst luck, I actually won quite a bit. So of course I lost it all back to the casino and many more £1000 extra.
After truly hitting rock bottom buy late September 2023 I had no choice but to ask for help. I am pretty sure that if I had not I would have been at severe risk of suicide. It really got that bad.
I have now gone 100 days GF and have held off posting to this thread until now.
I am proud every moment of the past 100 days spent not gambling. My head is in a much better place and I have the support I need to take it forwards.
However I do not regard mine as a success story. If I did then I would start to think that I was in control and the job was done. Even though I don't have any gambling urge I know my brain can take me to that place by default.
To anyone reading this beware of thinking it is over. If this was cancer a doctor may be able to say that you were all clear after a specific amount of time. However with gambling I will never say that I am totally clear and incorruptible.
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