How did recovery work for me and how has my life changed today.

Hi

I walked in to the recovery program filled with panick and fear.

I walked in to the recovery program filled with many pains I could not heal.

I walked in to the recovery program feeling very inadequate insecure inept and with no self esteem.

I like many people did not stop gambling from day one.

I like many people felt very vulnerable at the mention of God or religion.

By attending the meetings I would understasnd that I could not recovery on my own.

If I went back to my addictions I needed to go to more meetings per week.

The simple truth was that money was the fuel for my addiction.

By having very little money on my person made my recovery much simpler.

In time when I felt vulnerable I would use the telephone list and talk and meet with like minded people.

In recovery the therapies were about my emotional sharing.

In recovery I would understand that I was emotionally vulnerable and would escape to my addictions when I was not abel to cope with Life people or situations.

In recovery I would understand that I use to react in some very unhealthy ways.

In recover I would get to understand that recovery is not about who is right or wrong good or bad but more about what is healthy or unhealthy for me.

In time I would understand each time I came out of gambling establishments after loosing all my money again and again.

That I was not a selfish person, but I was a self destructive person.

Some very painful events and trauma in my life caused many fears in me that I did not understand.

In my recovery I would understand that I needed to heal the hurt inner child in me.

This took time in meetings and time with counsellors.

The longer I was in recovery the easier it became to abstain from my gambling.

Only once I was abale to abstain from my gambling could I start to heal the hurt inner child in me.

The hurt inner child in me feared being honest.

The hurt inner child in me was unable to have healthy emotional intimacy with my self and with others.

In recovery I would understand that it was unhealthy for me to procrastinate and waste my time.

I would get in to the healthy habit of writing down my needs my wants and my goals.

In my recovery I would understand that the only person that limited me was my self.

In my recovery I would understand that by being humbled to being an equal to all people in the recovery prgram if they can achieve new goals so could I.

How healthy do I want to be today.

I have been in recovery now over 50 years and understand that my addictions and obsesssions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I use to be.

Just for today I willl not gamble.

Healing love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham