Well, where do I start?! I have been a gambler for 13 years. It began with my sister dragging me along to the bingo. We went every week and I became drawn to the slots and bored of bingo. I'd spend the whole night feeding the machines until they closed and I had to leave. Many a time, I would be back for them opening the next day to get back on the same machine!. I'd sit there for days at a time pumping thousands of pounds to win that 500 jackpot! It was ridiculous. I then discovered the casino. I learned that winnings weren't limited to 500 and after starting with only 30 pound one night I just kept winning. In the space of a week I had won 7000 pound. And well, that was me hooked. My husband had just left me for another woman and my son was a baby. The money was a godsend but actually turned out to be the worst thing ever. I went on to rack up over 30k worth of debt. I met someone new and looking back, from the beginning he treat me badly. I felt I deserved it. I had no self esteem and was just grateful that somebody wanted me. I later hit my rock bottom. . I lost my job through gambling I lost my house to voluntary repossession, I just couldn't afford it. I moved in with my partner and although I never stopped completely I had the gambling under control. My partner has always smoked weed and is vile and abusive almost daily while smoking it. He told me everyday I was worthless, a disgusting gambler and lots of other things not even worth.repeating. I no longer went to casinos but did stand in bookies playing the fobts and later discovered online slots and blackjack. It just got worse. I spent money from.my partners account. I'd gamble everything I had every pay day without fail and it got to the point that I think I was addicted to losing as I had no other emotion left in me! I joined this site and for a year and a half I didn't gamble. I struggled with it aLot and everyday I still wanted to gamble. My partner reminded me everyday that I was still and always wud be a gambler. He controlled me. Although he could be lovely sometimes which told me it was me and I deserved it. We went on tonnage two kids but . Of course I began gambling again. I had either cleared or had all my debt written off by the 6 yr with no Contact rule, so was free to start again. It isn't a great deal in the grand scheme of things but I racked up another 2k of debt. I realised I had major problems and came back here in march. I struggled badly. I was/am suffering from depression. I misplaced some money from my employer and I couldn't remember what I had done with it. My partner immediately accused me of gambling it. I thought I had lost my mind. The money turned up but it was too late, I was already seriously suicidal. I finally sought medical help and with help and support from you guys on here and my doctor I realised enough is enough and I didn't deserve to be treat so badly. I secured my own tenancy and have left him! I'm in line for counselling and I haven't gambled for many weeks. It doesn't sound aLot to call a success story but I know that it is. I FEEL different. I don't want to gamble which is huge. I have blocks in place incase I stumble but I know that I won't. I finally have control and am happy. It's been a long hard horrible journey but I know I'm at the end of it. I read aLot that nothing changes if.nothing changes and it is so true. Iv literally changed everything to get to this point x
Hi, thanks for sharing your story.
I'll be keen to follow your progress over the next few weeks / months.
Not wanting to gamble anymore is the major thing in all of this.But of course one major upheaval in your life could throw you off course so always stay on guard.
Mark
Thankyou mark. Both for your comments while things were so bad, and now. I know I'm going to struggle when things get bad but in determined and my frame of mind has totally changed. Maubebthe counselling/therapy will help me deal with this when it happens. I had to spend time with my ex last night and it was awful. Within ten minutes he began with his usual put downs and remarks. Now I just look at him and feel sad for him. It would have been easy to have a gamble when it was over. I'm getting emails left right and centre from sites with free bonuses to entice me back but I'm just not interested. I don't have aLot of money to make my new house a home and it would be tempting to try for that elusive win. But it really really doesn't interest me. I'm taking pride in finding bargains each week and building up slowly.
I hope u r doing ok too? We really really can do this x
Hi again, yes im doing fine thanks 🙂
Maybe you should create a new email address so you dont get bombarded with those types of emails.
Honestly, I wouldnt be interested of I KNEW for certain that I couuld win 100 quid in any day. Sure, Id be happy on the day but the following days I would just want more of the same and end up giving it all back.
What I earn is now MY money. Not the bookies money... MY money. There've had thousands upon thousands of MY money over the last 18 years. Im not letting them have any more of my money.
I truely hope you keep all your money for yourself x
Well said! And definitely. As soon as we see the money in our account after payday that's OURS then the pride kicks in. They won't get another penny from me either xx
What a difference a New Start makes 🙂
So pleased to see you on your feet & moving forwards with your life! Stay on your guard & this holiday will be the 1st of many to come!
I am doing some research on the bank account thing as I'm sure there's one lower than a debit card & I will let you know if I get anywhere.
Keep winning - ODAAT
Thanx odaat. I'd Def be interested in what u come up with. I must admit I just accepted that was the only option when barclays downgraded my account. It made little difference to any of my banking except that they don't let me go overdrawn by even one pound! Iv always been able to use it online and anywhere with visa sign. It even has a 300 withdrawal limit on it as well as being able to get cash back so it was never really safe!. X
did you ever have any luck with the basic bank account thing odaat?. barclays have just kindly informed me ty are automatically upgrading my account back to a normal account without any application from me. apparanlty im free to close my account and go elsewhere if im not happy??!!. i dont see what difference it will make as already i can use my card online and do whatevera normal account can. my fear now is they will give me access to an overdraft and/or loans and ill become tempted. x
Ooo, sorry I didn't get back to you...Nationwide do a basic account with a cash card only. Their online banking requires a calculator thingy to move money around & they have confirmed I categorically cannot move money online without a full current account (which they call Flex account)! I have read about basic accounts repeatedly on here so they do exist. Barclays are a nightmare, I get a letter from them periodically telling me they've increased the limit on my credit card...Why would they do that when I manually set it to £500?!? I'm only still with them because they will remove the cash advance facility on the credit card which means it's safe for Mum to handle! Most accounts give you the option to decline an overdraft & my suggestion would be, if Barclays don't offer you what you need, find one that does...You have come so very far, keeping the barriers high will give you breathing space & time to fight when Mr Gamble raises his ugly head!
Hope you're all settled in in your new place & enjoying some of the peace & normality that comes with recovery? Keep away from temptation & never open the door to complacency...Life is there for the taking - ODAAT
Awww thanku hunni. I'm back here tho as Iv let you down. Well let myself down really. I succumbed after a really stressful week and the start of a new job and a run in with the ex. Actually scrap all that, I'm just an idiot!! I realised that the game lock didn't work on the laptop after all and logged into an old account. Not a major financial disaster but only bcos I withdrew some then kept depositing until I cleaned myself out. So proof that I'm still a problem gambler and "I cannot win bcos I cannot stop". Anyway it's a setback but I'm kind of pleased i didn't win bcos somehow I'll start again. I just need my withdrawal back asap tho and doubting it will be b4 Monday? Has anyone ever received a payment on a Sunday b4 or am I wishful thinking?? Lol. My account was due to be upgraded on or just after the 16th October and it's not done yet so no hope of an overdraft yet either lol x
Don't go down that road New Start...Treat this as a warning shot & get your act together! How much more proof do you need? I've only been around, in recovery, a very short time but every single person that thinks they are cured ends up back here with their tails between their legs! There is no cure for us & that means kissing goodbye to Mr Gamble once & for all...You know how this works, if you don't stop now, eventually you will be back with nothing pending!
What's happened with the counselling? And why aren't you self excluded!
Enough is enough, put your hands out & stop you sliding down that slippy slope! You can do this, you have to - ODAAT
i know you are so right hunni and iv proved that. well the exclusion went so well that when i went back to my "favourite" site. it was a click of a button to get back. "do you want to lift exclusion?". yes. "account reactivated". honestly something should really be done. not even a 24 hour request just str8 back on. im going to have to think of something and fast bcos im already itching to chase it back as it was money i could ill afford to lose. im not going to though. even the feeling of gambling is horrible. the way my mood and nerves changed was scary. i didnt like it one bit. im quick to give advice to others but i need to start following my own. i never did get any gambling counselling. the residential i was promised was on the date of daughters op and my doctors were useless. im still on a waiting list can you beleive!!. i know i can do this i just need to figure a way of not having an access incase i stumble again. my son needs hid laptop for studying so its not an option to get rid. im feelig sick today xx
Just a check in to say I am still totally gamble free. The urge to gamble has gone it's no longer a struggle to resist. I am so happy with life at the minute and finally feel like me again. We can all do this xx
Awesome update 🙂
See, you can do anything when you set your mind to it!
Stay on your guard & keep making the right choices - ODAAT
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