Hi I am a non reigious person yet I embrace spirtual values in to my life. Like many people in the recovery program I did not abstain from day one.
For me in time I got to understand that the people in the recovery prgoram were going help me become amuch healthier person. Reading text often raised more questions than answers. The people in the recovery prgoram that were healing their pains were going help me understand that I could live a life with out my unhealthy addictions and obsessions.
I have been in the recovery program now for over 50 years. Yet I am only 31 years clean of my addictions and obsessions. Why did it take me so long to exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits. Why did it take me so long to understand how iandequate and insecure I was.
Why did it take me so long to understand that I needed to heal the hurt inner child in me. I got to understand my unhealthy reactions to my emotional triggers. I got to understand that my recovery was more than just abstaining from my unhealthy habits. I got to understand that my recovery was all down to my effort time and work on my efforts in working my recovery.
I got to understand that even though I was abstaining from my unhealthy habits I was still living a nervous fear basd life. I even got to think that working my recovery would get easier, not so working my recovery I got more and more tested as I grew healthier, often days I am trully tested and that tells me how much I am working on me.
My loneliness indicated that I had a fear of emotional intimacy and of being honest. I found that emotional intimacy is also part of my healing process. My intimacy grwew in the rooms of recovery and in time that healthy intimacy became a part of my home and family life. Funny thing I use to get so stressed out at Chistmas that I could not fully enjoy it. Living in guilt shame regret tells me that I am not healing my pains. Before my recovery Chistmas was about person pleasing, about giving gifts to person please or repair relationships. I use to think that Chistmas stressed me out, not so I stressed my self out. I use to think that gambling stressed me out, not so I stressed my self out.
Gambling establishments never hurt me I hurt my self. I now see and undrstand that Chistmas is about healthy intimacy with other people coming together and that could only happen once I heal my pains and reduce my fears.
Who do I owe my recovery to, is it the books, is it the rooms, no for me it is the people in the rooms that helped me become the healthy person I am today.
Once I was seriosly in my recovery I wrote down all of my fears, lots of my fears were ten out of ten, yet in time those high number fears dropped to low single numbers. For me being fearless is very powerful, at one time I did karate for two years and I took no grades up I remained a white belt. Yet in those two years I became aware of my fears of aggression, I then understood that my fears of aggression were due to my parents anger and confrontation.
How many times did I get angry and transfer all of my pains fears and frustrations on to other people. The anger and rage in me is very low indeed and indicates that my pains are being healed, my fears beingfaced adn reduced and my frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations. By me having my unreasonable expectations I was cuasing my self pains, yet I use to say that people stressed me out. Not so.
Each new year in my recovery with the healing I have more intimacy with my self and with other people. We recently discussed how relaxed we are and comfortable and content we are with ourselves our home and our rlife today. That today our wants and our needs are rarely related to money or material things in our life. There was a time I use to run my car of petrol fumes the petrol tank always being very low. Fear and procrastination were very unhealthy habits for me.
By me procrastinating I was cheating my self and my family from reaching new healthy goals. I do now understand how important self sufficiency is in our life today. How many times do I tell my family how much I love them, how many times do I tell my family how much I am proud of them.
It sounds and weird yet showing my apprecation and gratitude is an expression of my healthy values today. Showing healthy emotional intimacy with all people I meet is not person pleasing, it is an excpression of how much I value them but also of how much I value my self.
Today I value healthy spirtual values, I value healthy emotional intimacy, I value my life with out fears.
How much healthy emotional intimacy do I share with my family this Christmas.
How much am I willing to value my health and my well being today.
Love peace and healing to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham.
Thanks Dave I will try to be better in those ways and also spread the positive outcomes from this experienceÂ
Hi
It is by our healthy interactions nurturing and encouragement that helps most people to heal.
Thank you for your feed back.
Dave L
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