I am a non religious and found out that the only person that could change me from being unhealthy was my self.
The meetings got me focused on ways I was abale to abstain from some very unhealthy habits.
It is very sad that I felt very inadequate insecure and inept.
Because I was filled with so many pains and fears it was just to painful to talk about my lies and my betrayals.
By finding meetings that were focused on giving deep based therapies my fears would reduce and my h0onesty would grow.
Every time I went back to my addictions and my obsessions indicated that I was not resolving my emotional triggers.
The like minded people hlped me get focused on solutions and answers to my problems.
In time I handed over all of our finaces to my wife it helped her.
My wife told me that the pain caused by gambling was not about the money, no the pains I caused her was my lies that were a betrayal of her trust in me.
Why go to meetings after 31 years clean in my recovery.
Simple truth I do not want to cause my self or other abuse or pains.
The Simple truth I do not want to live in pain guilt or shame any more.
I do not want to leave things to the last moment causing my self more anxiety.
I do not want to lie to my self or other persons.
After going in to establishments and wasting all my money to them how much did I trauma my self time and time again.
The gambling establishments never hurt me I hurt my self.
I did not know or fully understand how much smoking was costing me over twenty years.
Yes over 74,00 cash gone up in smoke and to think of how much money I lost gambling, it is just to scarey.
I have given up drinking coffee and trea for over 20 years.
To be emotionally detached from gambling, I do not hate it, I do not guilt shame or regret of my gambling during that emotionally vulnerable time I was a very unhealthy person.
The recovery program and the like minded people were going to help me understand how vulnerable I use to.
The recovery program and the like minded people were going to help me understand how healthy I could be if I put my mind t it.
Healing my hurt inner child toook time.
Reducing my fears took lots of time.
Being an unhealthy addict a long time ago today I make much healthier well babalanced choices in my life.
The simple question how much time and effort am I willing to invest in to my healing and finding a much healthier life today.
Healing, LOve and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham
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