Good evening folks.
Im guessing its nearly a year (or some where near) since i last went in a bookies!
When i first come on this forum my life was a disaster thought about ending it a few times and i dont say that lightly not even in the slightest. quick run down in brief.
Had some nice things cars and cash was doing quite well in life. Then went in a bookies once with a mate. Over the period of 6 month ish id done the lot sold everything ans d every last bean had gone through the FOBTS i remeber every last time. Id go in id have 50 quid or summat id think ill just run in its fun. id do that 50 then ask some one to hold the machine whilst i ran to bank to get more. thinking its definatly going to pay out. Then leave when the boolies shut with out a penny feeling sick to the stomach. Then bills needed to be paid so things had to be sold. at my lowest point I needed to pay rent on my place of work id already done any cash i had around me/ so car had to be sold, I acrually did okk out of it gave 4000 for it sold it for 4800, I thought b****r it ill go to bookies and have a 50 quid in, Then it was ill just do the profit of the car ITS GOT TO PAY it didnt then before i knew it i was WALKING home from bookies no car no money no rent. id lost everything borrowed of everyone couldnt pay the debts that were needing to be paid and had nothing.
My changung moment was having my chikd and having to stand at a freezing cold raining bus stop for a hour on a sunday with her shes only young. She was my saving grace. i looked at her and even though she was freezing she didnt complain once. i only just had enough for bus fair. That night i found this site and the people on here made me realise one thing. Gamberling Steals your self worth it makes you feel lower then any one or anything. because it destroys your life and makes you belive its your only friend. if your stress4ed if your run down or even if yur happy you can always gamble and itll be there for you.
YOU have to break that.
The first night i came on here i was like a herione addict. It was the time of night i would have normally been at bookies. Instead i sat in a car park in a borrowed car. Reading the vhat and two lovely lasses checking how i was every 5 minutes. That was a changing moment i though hang on theres people here that do actually care and i dont have to lie to them. i started a diary another amazing thing to do. People will care they will check on you. And you dont have to lie to them. just write exactly how you feel SOME ONE ELSE has been there and got through it.
Then startes the WAR
WAR 1
the routine and the gamberling is my mate. Forget your going to get a pay out your not hasnt happened yet has it?
Its not your mate its a disease its as much of yout mate as drugs are to a addict it wants too and will destroy you it wont care if you spend every penny and throw your self of a bridge it has a billion more mates to feed it. Look at it as some one you hate i did and it helped.
WAR 2
your life
read diarys on here theres people that have lost there paid for homes there familys there kids there everything. and they have got through it! they will talk you through you cant get on with yoru life till youve fallen out with gambering or else it will keep calling you back and your never get to walk away.
When i was gamberling i told no one it was my secret pleasure id go to bookies during day , then servoces at night then back to bookies in morning until id lost everything and more. NO one knew a thing. the first people i rold went crazy and made me promise not to do it any more they were just as upset with them srlfs that they hadnt known. I have to go past a bookies in any direction from my house to go anywhere. espeacilly on a evning id find my self talking my self into going. So id ring some one that knew and tell them. They litterally stay on phone untill they heard me walk through frpnt door of my house. after a few weeks of that i thought i was becoming a burden, but i wasnt i remeber both of them having researched gamberling telling me how prud they were of me that mattered a lot to me a tiny bt of self worth back!
over time i realised i wasnt stupid and worth nothing as gambering had made me feel. And started back trying to make money which slowly has become to back in. im not being big headed... actually yes i am.. I AM AMAZING AT EHAT I DO I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN im allowed to have the massive ego that i used to have back iv had it since the beggining of my working life. gamberling made me think i was worth less then nothing in a few months,
overtime 90 percent of people i know now know i was a gambrler and they have all said outrigt how proud they are of me.and that makes me feel amazing.
i stopped coming on site as i focused every last ounce of my energy on work and that has paid off for me, every one deals in there addiction in there own way,
DO IFEEL LIKE GOING BOOKIES. a very very tiny dark shadow of a voice in my head will some times try and convonve me to go doesnt last longer then 5 minutes and never ever will it win i laigh at its patheticness. Thats gamberling and it used to be my best mate,
So in conclussion
the day before i quit id lost everything in my life i was in debt i had told no one and ending my life was a definate option.And please dont take that lightly im a fully grown and at time once proud of my self man, everytime i left bookies putting the car into a wall at speed was a option.
12 month later im sat with my firends around me some money in bank and a nice car outside.
The other thing that heloed me alot.
"when the fun stops stop" is the worst slogan in world. Why?? by time fun has stopped its got you its ruining or ruined your life and its happy about it.
Its an addiction as much as herione is look at it that way YOU ARE NOT WEAK it has stolen your life and its been extremly cunning and sly about it. NOW KICK ITS TEETH IN AND MAKE IT PAY FOR WHAT ITS DONE TO YOU EVERYDAY YOU DO NOT GO INTO THE BOOKIES YOU HAVE WON IT HAS LOST!!!
Gamberlig and the whole legallitys around it are a joke to me it should be as legal as a class drugs becuase you can get addicted to both and both will ruin your life.
sorry if thats long winded guys just another box ticked on my recovery process i feel string ebough to comment on diarys now. so will be about. Thank you to this site and the guys that helped me
Hello Blownitagaib,
Thanks for coming back here and sharing your success story. You've come a long way and a lot of people will be able to relate to a lot of what you have said there. Well done on what you have achieved and all the best for the future. I hope to follow on my own GF journey.
Thank you pal.
Somethings dont change still dont put my glasses on before i start typing.
Blownitagaib (meant to be blown it again)
and the amount of typos up there!
I thought maybe that username had been taken already xD
iv got to page 40 on diarys and i cant see many of the people that helped me.
Really hoping theyve smashed there addiction and moved on in life.
This im not a robot thing is new and quite frustrating! lol
Hi Blownitagaib,
Thanks for sharing your detailed and encouraging post, and “Well Done” for going on that journey. Hopefully, it would encourage others to realise that it’s possible to overcome your gambling problem if you stick to the advice being offered. It’s never easy but, one just has to be patient, and also persevere with whatever it takes to get to the end of the tunnel, and where the light would be shinning bright. You did that, and thankfully had the desired result.
It seemed like you did struggle a lot and for a long time with your gambling problem, and an experience you had at the bus stop holding your child who didn’t even complain brought you that changed in a positive direction.
I’m glad to read from your post that our forum gave you the platform for recovery, and fellow forum members also provided you with good support to make that happen, and that you’re ready and willing to do same for others.
Well done again, and keep up the good work!
Best wishes,
Beatrice
Hi Blownitagaib(n),
Just browsing through some stories here to stop me gambling today and your line made me laugh, "KICK ITS TEETH IN!"
Thanks. That's what I'm going to do today...
LG
Hi
It really cool that you bother to come back and write it all down as when you get better mad life is good it's so easy to forget and I need a success story to read. I honestly never knew that I could become a secret gambler there maybe a thousand reasons how or why the addiction takes hold because your brain says so many if onlys.. I hate my job, so if you like or live your job that's luck right there. I feel bullied at work as my depression and anxiety causes me to make mistakes and then I get shouted at and want to cry but I don't so I think if I could just win enough to quit that job.. and guess what? I am ow forced to do overtime that I don't want to do..the irony but now the debts have to be paid and I am still hiding all of this from my grown up kids as they would be devasted if they knew and I can't admit to them that I am a complete failure. Anyway I did have a win, some good wins all in one week but just not quite enough to quit the job so I had to keep playing I was on a high then and even thought wow I could be a professional gambler ha ha.. actually when I worked it out that good week where I could have had £10,000 when o thought about it was really about what I have lost over time..lost it all a week or two later but I have been after that again and it gets worse..anyway. Had a thought, this might help others..imagine you get an invite to a really grand beautiful home with a butler and the Bentley..you go in dressed in rags,holes in your clothes and been living on baked beans and you say to the owner wow who paid for all of this. He turns and says.. you.. when you were sitting there feeling like the lowest of the low and not eating and feeling sick with worry and shame I built myself a nice little empire..you can go now sling your hook if you have a home to go to that is.he laughs and you walk the streets feeling numb..that is gambling
Soooooo pleased to see this post....was worried when you disappeared...I've not been here in an age but am remaining gamble free...hope you are still doing well x
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