Success what do we think it is, having lots of money, abstaining from unhealthy habits, being able to acheive things w e thought were impossible, or success is the consequences of our healthy actions and our healthy words.

Hi

Success what do we think it is, having lots of money, abstaining from unhealthy habits, being able to acheive things w e thought were impossible, or success is the consequences of our healthy actions and our healthy words.

This month I celebrate 31 years being gambling free, is that on its own success.

The addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms that I could not cope emotionally with life people and situations.

Are the addictions and obsessions a form of escape. They were for me.

If I am trying to escape who or what am I afraid of.

The word recovery what did that mean to me walking in to the recovery program.

I thought that if I was able to abstain from unhealthy habits I would be fine happy and be able to aachieve more with my life.

The simple truth was that for me recovery means to heal.

How ever if all I do is say I am fine or not so bad am I being honest to my self.

In time I kept going to meetings and even if I gambled I still went to meetings.

Only once I was abale to abstain from unhealthy habitscould I start to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits, then recovery really kicks in.

I was able to abstain from the unhealthy habits no waht do I do with this time I have on my hands.

Things that helped me was block gambling all forms.

The biggest thing that helped me was to hand over all of my finances and be given pocket money each day.

The simple truth I could not trust my self with money or face dealing with my finances.

The simple truth I did not understand what money meant to me, in time I would understand that money represented my time, time that I was wasting away and not having anything to show for it.

I would understand that money was teh fuel for my addictions and that money just gave me more choices where I could go or what I could do.

The what was very powerful was the deeper therapies that happened with reduced fears came more trust and more honesty.

There were no answers or resolve in talking about how much money I lost or the adrenaline rush highs or high levels of panicking of being in action.

How could I be so mistakingly wrong in thinking that adrenaline rush highs or high levels of panicking of being in action was happiness and excitment.

No the simple tuth I was putting my self through so many pains fears and frsutrations I was traumatizing myself in so many ways.

And to think it was happiness.

So the decision to pay back was not about money, no one made me gamble, no one made me lie, in time I would get hopnest with myself.

You will hear wording of good or bad right or wrong evil dumb stupid, are those words correct, now I understand that using wording is important to me and my recovery.

The question is what is best for me and my healthy recovery.

Before my recovery I was a very unhealthy person, I completely agree with that very simple obvious truth.

If I am a very unhealthy person how is it possible to become a  very healthy person.

If I am a very unsettled strressed out person how do I get more settled in my self.

I found for me that due to many kinds of pains and truama physical and emotional in my life that fears grew more and more in me.

My motives were very unhealthy in those days, I use to say I have to, or I did or said things resentfully or reluctantly, so be doing thinsg I got no healthy satisfaction from doing them. 

Then I got to understand in order for there to be order in my life I needed to understand my needs, my wants and my goals, then once recognized I needed to write them down on a daily basis.

In time I got in to thinking that after doing such good jobs that I enjoyed doing that I would reward my self once finances were available.

I got to understand how exspensive it was living on credit was.

I then got in to buying thinsg when I could afford it.

So in time I was abale to abstain, then my motives changed, then I notied I questioned mor eabout the recovey.

I got in to the healthy habit of arriving eeraly to meetings, that helped me give a more calmer therapy with clarity and not so much confusion in it.

In time people wanted to hear me talk about my recovery and in time I did so.

Two years taklking in arecovery center, one time at a conference I gave a hour and a half talk with questions.

After mettinsg I  found people were sdo stimualted that they were talking for an hour to threee hours out side of meetings.

That stimualtion has been been a big excelleration to people recovery and understanding.

People saying to you "you have to" is not healthy, 

In finding a healthy sponsor it is important to find people that are nurturing and encouring through their own healthy actions. 

Once your actions and words are healthy you are respeosible for your new found skills.

Once we get in to our recovery we start to understand out unhealthy reactions to people life and situations.

Today I have the choice to interact with all people in healthy ways.

I understand that my anger and rage indicated pains of my past were not healed.

I understand that my anger and rage is a result of my pains not healed, my fears not faced or reduced or due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

By me having such high expectations of people life and situations, they were not hurting me I was hurting my self.

By me having such high expectations of people life and situations, they were not stressing me out I was  stressing my self out, not very healthy at all.

Understanding my emotional triggers took lots of time to understand, my pains not healed, my fears not faced or reduced or due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, loneliness and boredom. 

It sounded impossible to stop or under all of my emotional triggers.  

So today I found that there is not enugh hours in the day for me, how could it be that I would change from thinking life was boring, to living such a full healthy active life today. 

The simple truth that walking in to the recovery I found out that I was hurting myself.

That walking in to the recovery I thought that my addictions controlled my life.

Being in the healthy recovery program I would move from very unhealthy habits in to having healthy habits.

At the beginning of my recovery if  you sugguested that I would go 31 years with out any kind of gambling you got to be joking right.

The healthy recovery program helped to learn to respect myself.

The healthy recovery program helped to learn to love myself.

The healthy recovery program helped to give of myself unconditionally.

The healthy recovery program helped to express my love to myself and my family.

The healthy recovery program helped to express my pride to myself and my family.

The healthy recovery program helped value time and life today.

Love and peace toe very one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham