When I started coming on to this forum in 2009 (The username of which I no longer remember) there was no section for success stories which I think is a great idea for motivation. I Came to this site at the age of 17 looking an answer to fix my growing addiction. I wanted that magic wand waved over me to be instantly 'cured', if only anything was ever that simple. What started as a small problem with £20 here and there in the bookies quickly turned into massive bets on anything and everything gambling related I could get my hands on. You name it from scratchcards to american football I was putting all a had into this disease and have had nothing but disappointment.
From the day I turned 18 I was in debt that quickly spiralled out of control, payday loans being my main source to fuel the habit. This coupled with the web of lies that I was having to tell my family just to stop them finding out why I never had any money. I did some terrible things to fund my gambling during those first few years including stealing from family and friends, all the while convincing myself that 1 last big win would solve all my problems, funny how I forget so quickly what got me into this position in the first place. My rock bottom came from stealing and losing £500 from my grandparents safe, luckily they didn't have me arrested which they would have had every right to do and shortly after I left the country for 8 months with my job in the Royal navy. Good a time as any to reflect and pay off some of my massive debt, where is that magic wand when you need it?.
I returned home from deployment 8 months later debt free, having not gambled(not through choice but lack of access) and felt like a new chapter in my life had started. I had money in the bank and 6 weeks leave from work to enjoy. It must have been 4 days before I found myself back on those dreaded gambling websites typing those debit card numbers in and depositing my hard-earned money again and again. I always said I wanted that 1 big win to stop for good and it finally came with the last £200 in my bank account, I won £16000!. This was exactly what I thought I was chasing by gambling, that big win. Turns out I was just chasing a feeling a feeling of accomplishment that I wasnt getting in the real world and we all know how this story ends, I lost the lot before I had even withdrawn it. Within 2 them years I had gotten myself into £16500 worth of debt, pretty much the amount I had won for that very short hour it was on my screen balance. I think the magic wand is broken.
This brings me up to these last two years and to the reason I wrote this post in the first place. After years of looking for the answer and attending GA meetings, therapy sessions, live chat on this forum and everything I between I finally found it!. I just had to want to stop and it is that simple. I had spent so long looking for loopholes and ways to drip feed my habit with excuses like "1 last bet then in finished for good" or "if I limit myself to winning £10 per day I can top up my wage". The realisation that I can't do anything about past losses but I can stop future losses just by something as simple not giving in to my habit. The past is past and the future in looking brighter every day for me just by making that choice. I will always be addicted to gambling but that doesn't mean I have to act on it and it no longer defines me as a person. As of July I was and still am completely debt free and already have savings which makes me feel better than any win ever did.
In the last 2 years I have relapsed twice and I didn't matter as it only strengthened my determination to stop for good and reminded me why I can never gamble again. I cannot win because I cannot stop, I still tell myself that when im tempted and it works. Its amazing what we achieve when we put our minds to it and I and so many people on this forum are testament to that. So if anyone on here is ever tempted please look at these stories so that you know it is possible from a naГЇve 17-year-old to a slightly less naГЇve 24-year-old. I still have a long way to go in my recovery but I have every faith it can be done.
There is no way I am going back now. Who needs a magic wand anyway, I have GamCare 🙂
Hi bob20032,
thank you for sharing your journey and your thoughts. It sounds like you have found a good way forward and you have also made good 'use' of your relapses. They happen sometimes, what is important is to learn from them, and move forward with that knowledge. And you are doing that.
Glad to hear that you find GamCare helfpul in your recovery.
All the best,
Forum Admin
Hi Bob that's a good story to read I'm going to forward it on to my son for him to read. You sound focussed and determined...wcid
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
