Understanding my unhealthy reactions which go against spiritual value which for me is non religious

I have learnt. you can't get lemon juice out of an orange. you put pressure on an orange and you get orange juice.

With us humans,if we have anger, resentment, hurt bitterness etc deep inside.{through past hurts} {through being taught that way as a child} when pressured it will rise to the surface,

If taught and brought up in a healthy loving environment these people when pressured respond differently with love .compassion thoughtfulness.

So how can we remove this hurt and bitterness?

by filling our selves with love, thoughtfulness, righteousness etc until we are so full of the good stuff, there is not any room for the bad. This is not overnight progress takes years..

Don't know if that makes sense to you.but any way we all must forgive ourselves, and maybe even harder forgive others.Good Luck all Be Happy

Hi Tamber

My unhealthy reactions indicated that I was burying my pains, even suppressing them, with each pain comes fears I do not understand, the recovery program is about healing from our past.

This is not possible if you are still causing our self any kind of pains.

If we truly heal our pains those healed pains become our strength today.

There were times in my life that I buried my pains and put on a facade to hide what was truly going on with in me.

Our subconscious reaction is a kind of honesty that makes us aware that not is well with in us.

Only by acknowledging this honest unhealthy subconscious reaction can we do some thing about it.

Often in past I use the wording that I wanted justice, this was not honest or correct, what I was wanting was vengeance, I was in effect transffering my pains fears and my frustrations on to other people.

This bitter twisted sadistic streak in me caused people to react in unhealthy towards me.

In time people learned to fear me.

Also in my child hood I had needs wants that were not fulfilled, to be nurtured, to be shown affection and intimacy, to feel protected and also shown healthy ways in my life.

Sadly because of the aggression and confrontation of adults in my child hood they were unable to have intimacy with me.

Because in comparison I would ask why is that other children in out side families showed so much affection so much intimacy that it had some thing to do about me,  that I was unlovable.

In my recovery I would understand that because adults in my child hood were unable to be nurturing affectionate and protective towards them self they were unable to be nurturing affectionate and protective they were unable to be nurturing affectionate and protective  towards me.

Due to their aggression and confrontation there in a way emotional abandoning me, they were there but not there in intimate ways.

I was most certainly not brought up in a healthy loving environment.

I use to fear going to school and I use to fear going home, there was no place that was safe for me.

People who use pressure and intimidation are very unhealthy people.

People who try and control other people are very insecure inadequate fear based people.

People who are bullies are cowardly people who were victims that never healed, bullies pick on the most vulnerable people, in those vulnerable people they see them self.

Only when I love our self can we love other people.

Only when I respect myself can I respect other people.

In the recovery program we abstain from causing our self any more pains.

Then the recovery program helps us see our self in other people, and over time as we give therapies we expose more and more of our self.

By opening up more and more our trust grows, when we are able to feel for our self we are able to feel for other peoples pains.

The question is can we heal pains with out facing our fears.

When we face our fears head on the question can we accept fully the very worst that can happen.

It was important for me to take my biggest fear first of all.

I would give it a number 10 out of 10, the as I process it values change from 10 out of 10 to 7 out of 10.

When walking in the recovery program my fears was 10 out of 10.

Today my fears was 2 out of 10.

Once we face our biggest fear it reduces more and more.

The we take our second biggest fear and give it a number 10 out of 10.

We do not remove this hurt, the pain becomes healed so that we no longer react in such volatile ways towards it.

The pain is processed so much that we can talk about it and it no longer hurts us any more.

The victim is a person who is reliving the pains time and time again, they expect sympathy and want empathy from other people, when bringing it up.

 They want to draw people in to their misery.

Now to remove our self from being the victim we need to heal from our past, to be able to set up boundaries, and to be able to speak up for our self from a place of peace.

Hence by giving deep seated therapies we expose more and more of our self, by doing so it is less scary for us.

Bitterness meant to me that my thinking was so twisted I wanted other people to feel my pains and I did not want to heal from them.

The recovery program is not about right wrong good or bad, it is about embracing spiritual values and being able to interact with all people in a healthy way with out adversely affecting myself or other people.

Because of the pains of my past were not healed I put on a facade a wall built on my fears that protected my hurt inner child.

Those very same wall built on my fears that protected my hurt inner child, would stop me from having intimate relationships with other people.

Part of recovery is improving our values, to express my gratitude and appreciation, in every way possible, to not take things for granted.

By me expressing my gratitude and appreciation I was showing how much I valued things.

Yes for sure it makes sense to me.

To move from full painful trauma to being an open loving book takes time to heal and get my a*s motivated toward healthy habits.

No person pleasing today.

No more doing things reluctantly or resentfully today.

Understanding our needs and fulfilling them, understanding our wants and fulfilling them and rewarding our self with healthy things.

Setting goals  to achieve more healthy things in our life.

When we forgive our self we will be able to laugh at our self.

How we use to thin and how we use to react in such unhealthy ways.

A healthy recovery has nothing what so ever to do with Luck what so ever.

We are very fortunate that we find a place to find a healthier way of living.

Thank you sincerely again for your sharing.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA

Dave of Beckenham

@tamber12 

Hi

For me I understand to be angry indicates that I have not healed my pains, that I have not reduced my pears, that I have not reduced my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

By me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I am causing my self pains.

For me the recovery program is about healing my pains.

For me the recovery program is about healing the pains in my hurt inner child.

For me resentments indcates that I have not healed my pains.

For me bitterness and being twisted indcates that I have not healed my deep seated pains.

I was taught that as a child that people traqnsfered their pains fears and frustrations on to me and other people.

Only healthy healed people can demostrate love compassion and thoughtfulness.

I can only respect other people once I can respect my self.

I can only love other people once I can love my self.

So how can we remove this hurt and bitterness?

The recovery program is about abstaining from all unhealthy habits and then healing the hurt child in us.

Our unhealthy reactions tell us how unhealthy we are today.

For me love is about expresssing healthy spirtual values.

It is not impressing people or buying people freindship.

Success is about being healthy productive people in our healthy actions and our healthy words.

I found that that bullying and manipulating is unhealthy.

People learn from the examples that we demonstrate in the rooms of recovery.

I found that I can heal my pains, yet I am not able to heal other peoples pains.

Yet in being very healthy and patient with some one in sponosorship helps others in quicker time.

It also reduces their fears of emotional intimacy and their trust grows.

To forgive others we need to heal our pains.

For me recovery is not about Luck but about our honest dedication and commitment to our self and others.

Love healing and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi

The more time and effort I put in to my healthy recovery the less likely I am going to have unhealthy reactions to people life and situations.

Anger Rage aggression just indicated that I had not healed my pains.

Sadly all the pains in my life left some deep seated fears in me.

The recovery program helped me abstain from unhealthy habits.

Then it was important for me to write down lists for my self.

To write down my need to do lists.

To write down my want to do lists.

To write down my goal to do lists.

This is my commitment to myself.

For me my recovery was far more than just not gambling.

By me not gambling was when the healing started on the hurt inner child in me.

Doing nothing with my time was not very healthy.

Love healing and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham