What were the sequences of things I needed to do to change from being unhealthy and vulnerable to becoming whole and healthy in my self.

Hi

On walking in to the recovery on day one did I understand why i was escaping in my unhealthy addictions and unhealthy obsessions.

Like many epeople I did not stop gambling from day one being in the recovery program.

How much time ad effort was I willling to invest in to my self to become healthy and whole.

My lies were very much fear based issues.

My control issues just indicated how inept iandequate and insecure I use to be.

Having more money would never stop me gambling.

Was there a reason I wanted to escape home around festive times of the year.

How many times did I make promises I knew I could not keep.

How many times did I live in fear nt knowing where my fears came from.

On walking in to the rooms it is not important when my last bet was.

Over time I gave up talking about money or being in action.

My honest deep therapies lead to my fears being reduced.

My honest deep therapies lead to my trust growing in the rooms and growing with like minded people.

On walking in to the recovery on day one I was not a bad person, I was not an evil person, I was not a stupid person, I was not a fool, I was how ever a person who caused self abuse up on my self and other people.

On walking in to the recovery on day I felt very uncomfortable to the mention of god or religion.

I now understand that I am a non religious person yet I am a very healthy spirtual person today.

In being committed to my recovery would require me to write down lists and naswers to the questions asked of me.

The sequences of my recovery was abstining from my gambling, I was going to handle over my finances to my wife.

Being in the meetings I would feel more and comfortable mentioning my last gambling day.

Being in the meetings I would more comfortable giving deeper honest therapies. 

Because of so many years of pains and trauma I found it hard to articulate what my feeelings and my emotions were.

As I got more honest in my therapies I would be able to relate to parts of my life and te pains that caused fears in me.

My honest therapies lead to me seeing and feeeling my self in other people.

Eventually honest therapies lead to all people feel comfortable in openeing up.

Some time in other peoples therapies I would see and feel my self in other people.

For me the word recovery means healing.

So only once I gave up unhealthy habits could I start to heal the hurt inner child in me.

Today I understand that each of us in the recovery porogram are survivors, and in time those traumatic experinces becomes our strength today.

If a boss asked me to work a whole month with out pay what so ever what would my feelings be.

Yet month after month after working hard for my money I gave it away and had nothing to show for it what so ever but pain fears and frustrations.

For me just for today I will not want or need to gamble.

Healing love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham