What would mean success to me today. Only by abstaining from unhealthy habits could I take on healthy habits, Healing my pains. Facing and reducing my fears.

Hi

I walked in to the recovery program back in 1969 lonely inadequate insecure inept ignorant and felt that gambling controlled my life.

I am now over 31 years clean of gambling, was that all is recovery is all about.

Today I now understand that the word recovery means healing.

In time I was able to abstain from my unhealthy habits, the addictions, not being honest, living in costant fears.

In time I was able to give honest therapies that exposed teh real me.

In time I was able to understansd that if another person in the recovery was able to achieve more in their life I could do the same thing for my self. 

The word humbling my self was more about me seeing my self as an equal to all people in the recovery program.

There were some very painful moments in my life and in time I would hela those pains.

Those very painful moments in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.

In time in the recovery program I would start to understand my very healthy reactions and what my emotional triggers were.

My emotional triggers were pains I could not heal, fears I could not face and reduce, my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, my feelings of loneliness and my feelings of boredom.

In time I would write down my eeds my wants and also my goals.

Now I understand that success is based up on my healthy actions and my healthy communications with my self and with other people.

Ony once I was able to become more honest with myself could I become more honest with other people.

This honesty came out during my deep therapies and honest sharing.

With my deep therapies and honest sharing would reduce my fears adn my trust issues wuld grow.

Only when I was able to respect my self could I respect opther people.

Only when I was able to love my self could I love opther people.

With reduced fears and growing trusts would intimacy come in to my life.

I understand that emotional intimacy is also part of my healing process.

I use to do most thing resentfully or reluctantly before my recovery.

I use to hate Mondays going back to work.

I use to wish my work days away only looking forward to the week ends.

What is the point of doing things resentfully or reluctantly and not getting any reward from doing things.

Sadly like many people I did not give up my addictions or obsessions from day one.

The most important thing is to go back to the meetings no matter when my last bet was.

In time I would be able to abstain from those unhealthy habits and in time take up healthy habits that in time would make me feel successful with in my self.

By my own healthy actions and my healthy interactions would I feel succesful in my self.

No one could stop me gambling that was my own choice to make.

No one could make me exchange those unhealthy habits and in time take up healthy habits,  that was my own choice to make.

The rewards for becoming successful is pride confidence self esteem sincerety and a healthy intimacy in emotional ways.

The time it takes to heal that hurt inner child is up to each of us.

It was not possible for me to heal that hurt inner child in me all the time I was causing my self and others more pains.

For me living in fear was not healthy.

For me living a lie was not healthy.

For me reacting in unhealthy ways was not healthy.

For me reacting in fear guilt shame regret hatred rage anger indicated that my hurt inner child was not healed.

Once we heal our pains there is nothing stopping us from living very successful healthy lives.

A person once said that he was glad that he was a compulsive gambler.

Then explained that his working with the recovery program he would find out how unhealthy he was.

Having addictions and obsessions was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.

How committed am I to my self today in finding more healthy habits in my life today.

Yet why did it take me over 20 years to learn how to find a much healthier life with out my addictions and obsessions, was I a slow learner.

Love and peace to eveery one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham