Are we ever freed from the debt caused by gambling?

You pay them back in kindness...Finances are only this important in our heads!

The past is just that and missed opportunities are just ones we haven’t taken yet. People return to gambling because they are complacent, or not willing to put the work in on their recovery...It never was a financial problem, don’t let it become one in recovery!

Hi SM

I am also in the Insomniacs United club tonight. I don’t seem to get much sleep these days.

I think this goes back a little to our earlier discussion about living life. What you can see with both ODAAT and Duncs, two people on here who I know like me you have a great deal of respect for, is that they outwardly share the good and the bad the joy and the pain. They have accepted life is full of cracks and that is part of it - they have not sought to seal them up or go into flight mode through gambling anymore .

I think you are feeling regret which in small doses is fine- I have loads - but you recognise this and you know I really believe this time you are serious about your recovery and as ODAAT says putting the effort in. I think I am too but as someone recently said words are cheap and the proof is in my actions.

So let’s embrace the cracks and live life properly!

Blue skies ahead as a girl I once knew from Walsall used to say- and if there are grey days that’s fine too. Let’s just not run into the hills and gamble. It’s no way to live or pretend to live. One day at a time.

Best wishes D&O

My life was far from perfect before gambling and gambling made it worse . I couldn't manage the details while gambling and as you said, many important things got neglected. I think that because of the unmanageability of our lives while gambling, when we stop, life looks different than before we started. The life that we find waiting and finally can see clearly is like an untended garden gone wild and droughted. It takes time and care but it's still a 'garden'. The sun shines, there is water, there are plants and seeds and trees and animals. With time love and care , although there may be some scars, the scars too will fade with more time. The pearl of the oyster you speak of hmm? I like the analogy ! I also understand your mention of the cracks which may slow down the growth of the pearl or make the pearl not perfectly shaped or rough and that's just perfect as it is. Just keep shining that pearl , never thinking about perfection just the process of the everyday one day at a time. Currently , I'm tending my abandoned garden and it's early spring 🙂 . As far as the oyster pearl, I think I'll have to make an entire string of imperfect pearls that's nice and long and represents sobriety. thx. for shaaring and hope this creative share is palitable . tara2

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I'd offer you each a penny but I'm pretty skint these days :o)

Really thought provoking.

I just returned from a 2 hour drive home. On the way home there were many billboards and advertisements for places I could take my son and things I could buy him. It suddenly dawned on me that what he really needs is a father who is kind, honest, trustworthy and true to himself. Someone who is the best person they can be and makes good in life. Someone who had a vision of a better future and took it with both hands. He needs a decent role model who he can learn from and absorb - this will set him up for a promising future. That's what he needs. And doing this won't cost me much either... Mainly time, effort and discipline. It will be an investment on my part that rewards him time and time again in his future, a gift that keeps giving if you like.

I think I would be saying all these things even if I was rich right now because you can't put a price on a positive role model. If I step out of myself for the first time I can and will offer him this.

I will strive to learn from my mistakes and use them to make me and him stronger.

Hi

An interesting point and I try not to tell people that every moment gamble free is bliss. It isnt but its a whole lot better than extinction gambling and walking home feeling suicidal. My mind is a lot healthier now and gambling was never the answer to what I was seeking

Its how you look at the world and what you have. I know its difficult when we are conditioned and some would say brainwashed by money,material possessions and keeping up with the Joneses

I know its sounds twee to say count our blessings for what we have. Imagine no possessions as the famous song goes. Honestly I would still struggle with that but I see the serenity and freedom that aims for

I believe that many people are on the scale of addiction to various things. We want fun and we want the chemical feelings of happiness. I have an addictive personality. Ive been a shopaholic and I am a compulsive gambler in recovery. I was searching for easy fixes and all the wrong answers.

All I know is that I am better without gambling in my life. It was destroying me and I was chucking away thousands every year. Its an extremely dangerous addiction and I was not in control of my own mind.

How do we measure success? I did feel a failure and thats one of the reasons I was depressed. Gambling only ever made my life much worse. I couldnt ever say that it was an income scheme but I was actually using it as a drug of escape

Is the world my oyster? Yes and no.... Yes when I,ve taken a nice walk and looked at the lovely countryside...a nice creamcake and hours on a great videogame...I feel pretty d**n good.

Im not going to skirt around that life is difficult for many...the economy is sluggish and Ive just done another dead end job that I was effectively constructively dismissed from. However my gambling addiction would not have made that any better.

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Thanks joydivider. Yes - it seems regret has crept into my spectrum of thinking recently, I mistakenly took it for complacency in my recovery, but now realise it's just regret in itself - a perfectly natural human thought with accompanying emotions.

Reading your post I do accept I have a lot going for me, in all honesty nearly as much as I had going when I was gambling. I pressed the self-destruct button and the bomb didn't go off properly it seems. Lucky me. Others who gambled have not been so lucky. I must remember this moving forward.

I've also realised reading your words that living in the present moment is the same as turning back time in terms of what could be achieved in that time. Either/or is just a sequence of moments one after the other at the end of the day.

Thank you for your post. Means a lot right now. Sorry to hear about your job.

My hope and ocassional realisation at the moment is that I appreciate things so much more and as such the way I look at time is changing. I spent so long in a gambling fog, jumping from dreams of the future to the resentment and pain of the past and completely ignore the moment. There is nothing that means more to me now than just being, enjoying the moment, being with my children, being outdoors, it almost feels like I am seeing, feeling, experiencing life again. I have no doubt that if I can find the perfect balance between this, a bit of future planning and a careful use of past experience then I will be a better more rounded individual, I'll be more respected by myself and possibly by others but above all, I will be the best dad I can be from this point forwards.

Thanks for posting this, it's made me take a moment to enjoy a huge dose of satisfaction. I've come along way, in a short time, I can't change my past but I can and will learn from it.

And I can't wait until the kids get home from school.

Hi Signalman,

This is not about the struggles youve placed upon your wife & son its about the opportunity and a fantastic one at that, youve given them and yourself to create a wonderful future for all 3 of you. If your wife can trust you to go to work pass a bookmakers shop without calling in,not gamble online behind her back you might not feel this way right now but youve set the foundations for a fantastic life for all 3 of you. If anyone tells you otherwise theyre lying.

Stay Strong

AL