Are you open about your addiction?

The amount of my friends who struggle but do not admit this affliction is unreal. When guys tell me of their big wins at the bookies etc i always just assume that they are like myself and will only mention winners. Apparently I'm the luckiest guy some of my mates know, little do they know i never mention the money i have spent chasing any wins.

I am taking my first step and opening a joint account with my mrs. I know i will be embarassed out of spending the cash on gambling. Hopefully this will aid my recovery cause if i am left to my own devices i will self implode

Hi Unluckyguy

God help your Mrs get real. She should be protecting herself rather than sharing a bank account with a CG. Come back when youve reached rock bottom and serious about stopping.

Good Luck

AL

alwalm wrote:

Hi Unluckyguy

God help your Mrs get real. She should be protecting herself rather than sharing a bank account with a CG. Come back when youve reached rock bottom and serious about stopping.

Good Luck

AL

Bit harsh considering he’s new to the forum. That’s not a very nice welcome, is it?

Hi Unluckyguy67, Alwalm and DeterminedDan,

generally a joint account is not always a terrible idea, but it works best if the other half knows about the problem and they know the reason you are suggesting the joint account. I wouldn't put it quite as strongly as Alwalm, but he is right, this can also go horribly wrong, so make sure you do this the right way and safely.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

I handed over all of my personal cards, passwords, account details etc & only used a joint credit card initially...Not ideal but we already had this particular card & for me my now hubby having that instance access to see if I’d crossed the line was vital plus the amount of damage I could have done on it was capped. All debt that I had run up remained in my name along with the responsibility of paying it back. He still has full access to all of my accounts & is encouraged to ask me to be accountable if he sees anything that he doesn’t like the look of but this is a lot to ask of someone & there is an acceptance on my behalf that should I ever relapse, we will need to disassociate our finances to give him the best protection possible.

Hi

my considered opinion and experience is this.

There is no shame in being open about a gambling addiction but you have to be careful who you tell in a work or general environment. This is because they have hang ups about it or will just use the information to have a dig at you. Many people consider gambling as fully acceptable and will think we are weird or too weak willed.

There are planty of people who dont really care about you and will just use the information to have a go. Its not a good idea to tell a work aquaintance or people that just dont need to know.

I have found that other gamblers will resent the news and think you are just being sanctimonius. They are not ready to stop and dont really want to hear about being gamble free. Deep down they are envious but the addiction is strong and doesnt like talk of non gambling..

Having said that I am proud to talk about being gamble free. I will say that I am a compulsive gambler in recovery to the right people. If Im told to sit at a food table near a machine I will raise the issue and I have no problem in saying I dont agree with gambling.

So you can feel proud about being open but also realise that some people who are not close family and friends, cant deal with that information and dont need to know. Its not lies.....just no real benefit in them knowing about something you are already dealing with.

You should be proud but need to handle various situations carefully

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

alwalm wrote:

Hi Unluckyguy

God help your Mrs get real. She should be protecting herself rather than sharing a bank account with a CG. Come back when youve reached rock bottom and serious about stopping.

Good Luck

AL

Or maybe you should calm down a wee bit and not transfer your own guilt on to others.

Joydivider wrote:

Hi

my considered opinion and experience is this.

There is no shame in being open about a gambling addiction but you have to be careful who you tell in a work or general environment. This is because they have hang ups about it or will just use the information to have a dig at you. Many people consider gambling as fully acceptable and will think we are weird or too weak willed.

There are planty of people who dont really care about you and will just use the information to have a go. Its not a good idea to tell a work aquaintance or people that just dont need to know.

I have found that other gamblers will resent the news and think you are just being sanctimonius. They are not ready to stop and dont really want to hear about being gamble free. Deep down they are envious but the addiction is strong and doesnt like talk of non gambling..

Having said that I am proud to talk about being gamble free. I will say that I am a compulsive gambler in recovery to the right people. If Im told to sit at a food table near a machine I will raise the issue and I have no problem in saying I dont agree with gambling.

So you can feel proud about being open but also realise that some people who are not close family and friends, cant deal with that information and dont need to know. Its not lies.....just no real benefit in them knowing about something you are already dealing with.

You should be proud but need to handle various situations carefully

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Hi JD

It sounds like they are, but are your views around disclosure based on actual experiences, or intuition?

I would certainly share those fears around disclosure and have limited my disclosure to family and friends, including work friends. I am yet to have a negative response, at least not to my face. But can imagine a negative response to be problematic and potentially paranoia-inducing if the negative response is from a work-colleague (and you value your job).

I started a job relatively recently - and there was an 'International Mens Day' event. As a newbie I merely attended rather than contributed, but I was surprised to see a number of guys go up there and talk about 'matters of the heart'. Next year, a large part of me would really like to get up and talk about my gambling addiction . But, I work in law, and there's all this bull-sheite about lawyers being meant to be upstanding, straight-laced, trustworthy etc etc.

I worry that the particular nature of my industry means I shouldn't disclose. Probably would be fine and it's hard to distinguish valid concerns around suffering detriment through disclosure, and just making excuses due to shame.

Hi

Experience really and healthy intuition. I have found that gamblers dont want to hear my story or the fact that I am gamble free.

They get uneasy and I still get the same brainwashed responses from them. Although I got some positive responses when I self excluded, they dont really want to talk about the issues because they dont want to look inwards at themselves

A key point is that even my parents and couple of friends that I have told dont really want to keep talking about it past a certain brief level.

I feel that is a real issue in that its not treated in the same way as substance abuse when I feel they would ask more and be more sympathetic to developing conversations. I still feel people cant deal with the deeper issues past thinking its got something to do with greed gone wrong. I still feel that some cant get over a feeling that its a just being silly naughty and greedy.

I dont work in an environment where colleagues care much so I keep it to myself.

I dont feel shame in knowing an addiction got better of me. Im glad I have the knowledge to face it. Maybe I feel embarrassed that some will find it a weakness and wont understand.

They will see it as a weakness though so why leave myself open to be put down. If they gamble on the horses or machines, they dont really want to know about compulsive gamblers in recovery.

There is a time and a place where it is most helpful. I dont want to defeat the feeling of openness but not everybody needs to know

Best wishes

Hi I'm fairly new to this and I'm not open to having a addiction nor am I exceptin that I have one but I know I have and I'm losing control

Petesol wrote: Hi I'm fairly new to this and I'm not open to having a addiction nor am I exceptin that I have one but I know I have and I'm losing control

Hi Petesol....... keep talking about it and using the site. Please read the stories and we are interested in your story.

The addiction gets us so confused that we cant face the problem or think we can easily control it. It took me 10 months after joining the forum to really act on the advice and do something about it.

Thats how confused addicted and messed up I was.

I hope you will act much faster than that. You dont need gambling in your life. Write down what it has done to you and tell someone close if you can.

There is help and people do care about you

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Great posts JD.

I agree with what you said about gamblers - people start commenting on their control over gambling without me even asking!

It's the same (after a health scare not related to alcohol last year) when I stopped drinking - I became the person people wanted to tell "they didn't drink that much" etc.

It's none of my business but it does seem to make some people feel uneasy when they find out you've made positive lifestyle changes.

Getting back on topic personally I'm not bothered if selective people know I'm a recovering gambling addict.

No I’m not open about it, I have however told a trusted colleague, he knows it all warts and all, I’ve asked him to help, to take over my cards and bank, all my bills are set up and I’m soon to be in a position that as long as I work all the bills will be paid and I have light at the end of the tunnel in 4 years .i will have an amount of money left every month, I have to plan what to do with that disposable income , it will be around £200 for the whole month and only he will give me so much each week out of it if I need it.Now bear in mind I have a partner so I need to be very careful with this , don’t judge me as I’m simply not ready to tell her and I know all about the pitfalls and how I’m still lying but it’s my decision to try and sort this out rather than risk her leaving.im learning about recovery and at the moment this is how I’m going to deal with it, he has instructions to pay off debt if I have surplus in a month....the minute he gets a sniff that I’ve blown the money he has made it clear the deal is off, he’s happy to do this before you ask.not ideal I know but I’m trying.

I'm only 2 days GF and havent told a soul. I don't have a partner and I'm not sure what good telling anyone else would do.