Relapse - New Member

Hello! This forum and the chat room is a great support network! You have done the right thing stopping you do not want to loose your savings! I did that recently and it’s awful!! I would suggest whatsapping or calling the helpline so they can give you a free link to download Gamban which has helped me so much! If you haven’t already, I would also suggest joining gamstop! You got this and we are all here for you! Gamcare also offers 1-2-1 support to! Put all the bans in place and take each day as it comes! Your wife will be upset understandably but will also be proud you came to her! I would get the bans in place and call gam care to speak to someone and you can then decide about telling your wife! Just remember you haven’t touched savings etc… and you’re not going too! The winnings you had aren’t going to come back and can lead to you touching your savings etc and that will put you back to where you were - you’ve come so far from the sounds of it! You got this and keep posting and reading people’s stories and just remember your not in debt by the sounds of it and still have your money - a great place and don’t touch any of it because it will get you down the rabbit hole of loosing it all! Trust me, I did that! 

@kaoj91ymxz 

Thank you, was really nice to read your message but unfortunately I found a way to sign up to another site and lost more money, chasing. My bank has now put a stop on being able to deposit anymore, it just puts us in a bad mood and because I am not talking about it, my wife and kids are getting the brunt of it and it’s not fair. I can’t tell her so will have to suffer for a while, until I come to terms with my losses. 

That is good that you have set up with your bank to ensure you don’t suffer anymore losses! 

The 1-2-1 support that Gam Care can offer may be the outlet you need if your not speaking to your family about it right now… it may help with the moods and in turn make sure you feel happier at home - just a thought… it may be worth exploring that and giving them a call to get the referral for the 1-2-1 support! Mine happened super quick and I made sure no letters were sent to my house! 

@wxs2kc506u hi,

How was your wife before when you told her? Trust me, I think she’d rather you be honest than her finding out some other way, and she will. It always comes out in the end. The addiction wants you to lie and keep secrets, the only way to begin to fight it, is to be completely transparent. 

I took out tens of thousands of pounds in my husband’s name without him knowing, ruined every opportunity for him, but he’s still with me and supporting me. 

Please be kind to yourself, this is an illness, and a very nasty one. 

Take care, 

Claire x

Hi there,

First of all, well done for reaching out to Gamcare and acknowledging you need help. It’s a huge step and a brave thing to do. 

I’m not an active gambler. The thing is for me, I’m the wife of a gambler. I have only recently found out and it was kept hidden from me for a very long time. We have two children and have built a life together for over 20 years. 
For a while I could see the signs. Erratic transactions in our joint account, several bank cards, everything secretive and he even stopped his wages being paid into the account we’ve always used. He said to protect himself and to stop me snooping. I discovered two bonus letters back in Feb which was the catalyst for me finding out he’d been gambling. He did his upmost not to tell me. He blamed me for everything. 
The thing is, I knew something wasn’t right. His behaviour and attitude towards me and the children wasn’t healthy and I’d reached my limit. 
I hope you can work through everything with your wife. My advice would be to be open and honest. My world has now fallen apart and we are divorcing over this. The lies, deceit and blame has been impossible to overcome. Especially because he wasn’t actually admitting a problem. 
I would recommend you reaching out to Gamcare via phone or chat. I called them and they’ve been brilliant with me. I’ve had some 1-1 therapy sessions through Gamcare. The support is there. You just need to be ready to want change and accept the help. 
I wish you and your family all the best ☺️

I have just lost all my savings gambling online, I feel physically sick, I hate this addiction, I knew I had to stop but it’s always hoping you will win the losses that keeps you going, now I’ve lost it all. 

i have relapsed meany times it’s hard and we beet are selfs up about it but with the right support we will do this and beat gambling I have also hit rock bottom but we have have forget about yesterday and move on with today 

@wxs2kc506u You must put every block possible in place, you will only do this when you are at your lowest point.  Gamstop will self exclude you for up to 5 years from any online uk casino/ betting.  You need to put a gambling block on all of your accounts, if you have credit cards, do it on them too/ request to close the account and make monthly repayments.  I have also destroyed my bank card so I cannot withdraw cash, I have a £50 contactless limit a day.

If you have family you need to own up, you need to spill your guts and tell the truth, it will be awful, you will be hit by immense guilt and shame, but then you are free from the lies and pressure, you get your life back, and you need a support circle someone to speak to when you have the urge, gamcare and fellow addicts on here are amazing, but I have found if I tell someone i care about I am less likely to let them down.

Its a soul destroying disease and it takes over everything that makes you who you are, but if you really want to really really want to, then you can do it, I promise, you just need to take the first steps, which are the worst, it wont be pleasant, but i promise you a fulfilled life is just around the corner, I am 46 days gamble free today the longest I have ever gone, and life is great, sure I am skint, I am unforgiving to myself, but all you have to do is take it one day at a time.

@deborah270882 thank you for your message, my wife is now aware and being amazing, she is supporting me, I have spoken to my doctor this morning who has referred me to talk to someone, not sure how long that will take. 
I have put bans in place, just feel very low and can’t stop thinking about the losses and how comfortable we would have been if I had just stopped.

@wxs2kc506u its one little step at a time, and it sounds as though you are wanting to head down the right track, I suffered hugely with guilt and shame for the first couple of weeks, after a while you start to feel again and realise that you can be yourself again, the losses are nothing you cant get them back, but you can take your life back and that is so much more important than ££££. take it slow and steady and reach out when you need to.