Getting away with it or recovery?

Great thread everyone, we all have different views and I don't believe anyone of you are wrong, or right. I do believe u cannot give this evil drug up alone I have tryed and failed, I'm now trying to give this drug up with support and I feel a new woman I got caught though I then came clean to my partner, but I took the chance of becoming single when I came clean, luckily for me he's gave me a chance took over everything financially , gives me allowance each week and so far we are happy and getting back to us.. Someone wrote on here that gamblers have a funny relationship with money it made me chuckle because we do,. I'd say to anyone to take the chance of comming clean if you seriously want to give up in my view if your partner truly loves and cares for you they will be willing to give you a go and help, however if you have done it more than once and they walk away I believe you deserve it ( my view) red x

I am not concerned about myself, nor am I concerned if my wife wanted to leave - she would be within her rights to a certain extent - however I am not willing to take a chances due to the affect any break up would have on my daughter. I have done everything for her since she was born for reasons I won't go into and know for a fact that she would be devastated if I wasn't around everyday. I can see it now that some people will say this is just an excuse and that I am hiding behind this but I will stress that everyones situation is different and you only only privy to the information I am willing to put on here.

A truly excellent post from day@atime which I want to follow up on.

I had become a liar and some might term it a fraudster or thief. I tugged on the heartstrings and the bank of mum and dad to fund a gambling addiction. I can clearly see the rocky road spiralling downwards from there. I went to GA about twenty years ago and was quite shocked about a story of life savings stolen from a biscuit tin belonging to a relative.( I am breaking no confidences now ...no names and this was long ago) I was shocked and at the time thought I could never stoop so low. I felt as if I shouldnt have been at the meeting. The truth is I can now easily see how I could have ended up there and much deeper in trouble.

I liked to think of myself as a good person helping people across the road etc but I needed to face up to what I was actually capable of. I did this with a new openness and confessing my wrongdoings. I am not religious but religions use this as a cleansing of the soul.

I knew that to tackle the addiction I needed to be honest. Something had control of me and I was confused. It took me a while but I finally realised I needed to be honest and tell people what I had done.

I couldnt live with a gambler and Ive been one. I couldnt be out at work all day if a partner was on the online slots. These days a relationship needs financial stability and often two people need to be working. I can see that gambling away money is NOT an isolated incident from my loved one.

Gambling is a huge sign of instability and a person out of control. Its the most irresponsible thing to do with money. It is a huge test of a relationship and I cant blame people for walking out. It has to be said that its perhaps a wakeup call that the gambler needs. I dont want to see anybodys relationship crumble but surely a loving relationship means honesty with each other.

I dont know anybody with a gambling fund that doesnt affect anybody else. Sure the mega rich can afford to chuck it away but some of them gamble to extinction showing the addiction can affect everybody.

So everybody makes their own decisions in recovery but I would feel that keeping secrets is not right. I think by the time we reach the forum its gone a bit beyond quietly and quickly replacing an amount of money.

Then again I am not going to force anyone to have that discussion.

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Thanks for this Dave - I'm really glad I decided to make more effort to read and understand your posts. This passage had quite an impact on me, there were definitely periods in my life when addiction was more in the background that people would relate to me and I would relate back in a healthy way, I would be present and not engineering my interactions around personal gain - genuine empathy and compassion would usually by my 'go-to's' - I was a pretty solid friend to most.

When addiction was rife in my life invariably my relationships with people were simply based around 'acting out' and manipulating people for personal gain or engaging with people in quite a sociopathic way.

I realise this now and also endeavour to get some of the former back into my life now I am actively taking control of my addictive nature and sending it to the back burner.

I am also realising that your posts work better for me if I don't take them literally and instead refer to the passages as signposts for a better future - some direct me to places I don't really need to go (but others may need to) whilst other posts help me to think and discover more about myself and my journey.

I still think you're as mad as a march hare ?

Thanks Dave ?

You see we never got away with anything. That was all part of the addicted delusion. I was a secretive gambler and my delusion was nobody will know about that but me. 

My delusion was that it was only £100 (for example) and Ive got other money. Its part of a dangerous comfort zone we create which only fuels the addiction.

The reality is that I never earned enough to chuck away that sort of money and I ended up losing thousands every year

My delusion was I could ride it out but it actually eats away at our insides The money is a part of the reason we come back to it in chasing behaviour.

Even if we gamble £1 it is a pound thrown away. 

So ladies and gents, we never really got away with anything as you know in your souls. Thats why everyone must face reality as quickly as possible.

That involves openness, honesty and a born again moment.

The goal is a serenity we never thought possible and gambling in the dustbin of history

Best wishes to everyone on the forum