Is it possible for a CG to 'control' their gambling?

The issue is what do the limited bets give him and why is it that he can't manage without it? Why is a need felt, that placing a bet apparently meets?

CW

Hi Cynical wife, I can't give you an answer to that as I don't know. the only thing I know is how much his life has changed for the better since last year so that must be a positive.. i am not going to put pressure on him to stop all together when he is in a good place. But I know I would rather him do this than what he was doing. I've read so many stories on here of people stopping and starting stopping and starting giving themselves and their families heartache and grief, what my son is doing seems to work for him and has done for a while now.. we're all different whose to say this will end bad or good? I don't know.

Whats with all the threads with people "limiting their bets". Why are they here . Absolute joke.

WCID wrote:

For anyone who knows me on here this is a subject close to my heart with my son. He doesn't want to totally give up gambling, he has a sports bet every week or so usually £10 or £20. I do worry but not as much as I used to. This time last year I was just about to find out about my sons addiction. It's been a hard twelve months, lies, arguments, secrets, more lies, tears, you've all been there its upsetting for all parties wether your the gambler or the family. Fast forward 12 months a lot has changed, he's a different person, he has a house with his lovely girlfriend, he has money, his bills get paid, he's not stressed, his credit rating is going up, he's happy. All of this is positive he has came along way. In a perfect situation I would like for him to stop any form of gambling, that's not my choice to make though all myself and his girlfriend can do is keep a very close eye on all of his transactions and cash withdrawals and ask questions if we need to. I'm not Nieve I know it could all change in an instant, I hope it doesn't. Is this keeping the fire alive by having these bets? I don't know that either. To totally give up gambling isn't for him at this moment in time, is he a controlled gambler now? I don't know that either, in my heart I want him to be as he is doing really well but that nagging voice in my head truthfully thinks there isn't such a thing as a controlled gambler after having an addiction, that is a hard thing for me to say, it's like I'm waiting for him to fail at what he's doing now. I really hope that doesn't happen.

Well it can be a progressive addiction can gambling. Sounds like his gambling never reached the lows that many people's can and so maybe controlled bets is an option for him.

Only thing i would add is never turn your back on the gambling and think you've seen it in the rear view mirror. Addiction can be the most devastating illness as it turns kind humble hard working people into ill diseased selfish patients.

I'm happy you've got a solution WCID. Enjoy the good times. tri

Tri thankyou for the post, at the time I found out about my sons gambling it did seem like the end of the world, his gambling had progressed I could see that from his bank statements when I became a named person on his account. It was heartbreaking to read. I'm thankful I found out when I did or else it could have all been a lot worse. It wasn't easy for him or for me, I think the turning point for him has been his girlfriend and getting a house together. She knows about it and knows what to look for, I will never rest on my laurels where gambling is concerned I've seen how it effects lives and changes people. Thanks Tri - wcid

I know this is an old post but, as I was contemplating something similar, it made sense to comment here rather than start a new one.

My opinion (and I am a long way from being an expert) is this: I don't believe you can control any type of gambling that is your 'trigger'. For example, my main weekness is/was fruit machines. I, therefore, wouldn't dream of attempting to 'just have few quid' in the machine at the pub as this is likely to trigger old behaviours, loss-chasing etc. Due to their similarity, I also suspect that I would be unable to control my gambling on FOBT's and online slots (the latter of which I only fleetingly explored as, even for me as an addict, I could see the danger and SE'd quickly).

I have been betting on football and darts (only two sports I really watch) for around 10 years and my stakes have never increased. I have a tenner's worth of bets on a Saturday (normally a few £2.50 acca's) and, when the Premier League of Darts is on a Thursday, I'll have a tenners worth on that too (so a total of about £700 total staked per-year, disregarding any potential wins). I never bet in-play (unless I missed the first minute or so and that's the only option) and I never chase losses. I truly believe, although I'm not testing this theory at this moment, that I could control my sports betting as the two are totally disassociated for me.

The difference, I believe, is timescales. If I place a sports bet, I'll normally do it a while before the event, with a clear head, a pre-planned stake and in a 'normal' mindset. The event is a unique, one-off occasion and you cannot re-bet if you lose so you either win or lose your stake but, either way, it was a bet placed within means. My problem, as I mentioned, is with the slots (used generically to cover a number of types). These machines provide and instant hit, a quick win/lose result and you can immediately re-stake and respin whether you win or lose. This is when, to me, the mist comes down and I turn into the betting zombie, hitting "spin" or "repeat bet", increasing stakes etc. WITHOUT the sensible head on and with the gambling haze, increased hearbeat etc.This only leads to the inevitable.

This theory, as many have suggested, is amplified further with the lottery. You probably place your 'bet' days in advance and in a totally non-gambling situation (supermarket, morning paper etc). You then win or lose with no option to repeat your bet until the next draw, basically, on the lottery you can't chase your losses.

I'm sure people whose poison is sports/horses feel the same as I do about slots. You are immediately looking for the next race, the next kick-off, the next set of tennis to recover your losses or to increase your win, the same as me hitting "rebet" or "spin".

So, to summarise, I (personally, as I do reiterate that this is only my uneducated opinion) believe it is NOT possible to control any type of gambling that acts as a trigger. However, it MAY be possible to undertake other types of gambling that are far-detached and don't offer the 'buzz' that caused the addiction.

Whether you chose to test this theory is another matter....

Phil

Hi Phil,

Interesting post as always. Sure as you read some of the diaries on here you've probably found others who have similar views to yourself. As to myself, I tested that theory like many other compulsive gamblers and it didn't go so well. Why? Some may say that's one of the differences between a problem and a compulsive gambler, but I hope you never find that out.

I often wonder if I had a time machine and went back would I listen to my older self? Truth is I probably wouldn't. At the time I thought I was in control at some level.

The age old battle of logic v addiction

Hi Triangle,

Like you say, I hope I never find out but, if you have read my posts then you will see that I do (in the words of others) have a tendency to 'Play with fire'. I am currently burn-free and enjoying watching the fire burn (analogy alert!) but I may end up the case study for others...hopefully not.

Once you are done with your time machine, do you reckon I could have a go? I would love to give myself advice to save the money during the profitable days (and there were a good 3-years worth, I don't know if you read about my background) and quit at the right time. But, like you say, would I listen??

Thanks for your post.

Phil - what you describe is very standard controlled gambling fare. (Limiting to non-triggers).

There is an underlying flaw in this method. Triggers are not set in stone. Your current 'poison' might not be X. But once you put a strangle hold on Y, your gambling psych will reach for a different outlet..such as X (especially if you do nothing to address root cause)

But there's a deeper issue here. If X (sports betting) is not a problem, why are you so desperately clinging on? Performing mental gymnastics in order to justify keeping gambling? Making well thought out 'rational' arguments can still be addict talk.

Why can't you let go?

Sorry but it's addict's logic. Only a gambling addict would implement a strategy which includes...still gambling.

It can be scary letting go but surely the time has come. No?

Cardhue,

Like I said repeatedly in my post(s), I do not claim to be an expert which is why I am very welcoming of opinions from others. Unfortunately, whilst I respect your opinions I do find your tone rather condescending (for an example, see your last line). I am an addict who is open to advice and very welcoming of those that give it. However there is no doubt that everyone's route to recovery is different and talking to someone as if they're a child because they are considering alternative routes to your own doesn't help anyone.

It's not a case of 'Not letting go' or 'Desperately clinging on', I don't have any compulsion to place a sports bet (in fact I have not done so for far longer than I am counting myself 'Gamble Free'). I have stated that I might be wrong and I am open to advice and suggestion but I won't be told that I'm definitely wrong until/if I discover this for myself.

Thankyou however for your input.

Phil

The addiction is more than capable of switching formats once access to previously preferred outlets dries up which is why the tried and tested advice is complete abstention along with investigating individual reasons for the compulsion. Leave a loophole and an addict can come up with all sorts of justifications for using it.

Echo basis question: why does it even matter to you about the sports bets? What are you missing if you don't place any bets at all?

Or looking at it the other way round, why do you still need to place a bet if not to feed the compulsion?

Louis isn't being patronising but he is telling you what the addiction doesn't want to hear.

CW

Phil

I know, you repeatedly say your not an expert. I'm not considering you to be.

Your throwing out arguments through multiple posts on a debate forum. I'm merely responding.

You see me as condescending, by asking 'why can't you let go' - but it's a genuine question. Arguably throwing down the gauntlet, not patronising.

If you say something like 'I've invested my life in gambling and I can't see life without it'. I'll admire your honesty. If you seek to make a point that sports betting is not addictive, yet you refuse to stop, well as your are an addict it's fair to question whether there is active addiction in play, in your thought processing.

You sound like a rational chap. But watch out for 'rationalising' decisions which enable your addiction. Addiction doesn't work on the level of rationality. Addiction fulfills an emotional need.

I previously posted to you about addressing the cause. This focus on controlled betting is at best a real diversion from the issues at stake.

Louis

Hi Louis,

Thanks for your response. Maybe I took your comments the wrong way and I'm sorry if that was the case.

Just to clarify, I am, at present abstaining from all gambling as this seems to be the overwhelming opinion on here (I have, as stated in my previous post, not placed a sports bet for much longer than I claim to be GF).

However, whilst I don't have the 'draw' or compulsion to place a sports bet (like I have with the slots), it is something I can see myself, in all honesty, enjoying in the future. Does this mean I'm NOT a compulsive gambler (maybe a problem one? I don't really know the difference...more reading required today) or does it mean I am a compulsive gambler in denial? Who knows, all I do know is that I could place a small sports bet today (I'm not going to) and then happily not place another for ages (not something I am able to do with the 'quick fix' machines where one dabble would lead to the next very soon after). Likewise, if someone said that the ONLY form of gambling I could ever partake in was horses/greyhounds/bingo or anything else then I would have no issue abstaining for the rest of my life.

So, to look at this a different way, maybe I am NOT a compusive gambler in the true sense, maybe I'm an habitual gambler or problem gambler or some other label. I don't know. For the meantime, however, I will continue to abstain from all gambling as it is working for me at the moment.

Thanks again for your comments.

nb. Just for clarity, I should explain my betting scenarios. If I was playing fruit machines, slots, FOBTs I would happily do this on my own (I would prefer to be left alone to be fair). Sports bets I will only do if I am watching the game (or Jeff and the boys) and if I'm out with mates. Is there such a thing as a social gambler? I am happy to be told I'm talking rubbish BUT one thing I am sure of is that this experience has led me to read a lot about gambling and knowledge can't be a bad thing.

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