Time to come clean!

Hi mate,

Your story could literally be my story. I was like you. A couple of quid on the football every week, the odd lottery ticket here and there, just a bit of harmless fun. Nothing to worry about. Like you, I was enticed onto slots by offer of free spins and like you, I had a couple of decent wins and that was enough to keep me interested.

8 years ago I got a job in a bookies and that's where my addiction really took hold. I'd see people winning huge amounts from little spins and want some of that for myself. I'd often spend hours alone in the shop, not seeing a single person all night because there was no racing and no football on and I'd spend the whole time spinning slots, chasing a decent win. Chasing, chasing, chasing.

Also, like you, I took out multiple loans to try and cover what I'd spent gambling. I'd maxed out 3 credit cards by using them to deposit with. Took out loans to pay off the cards and then I'd do it all. Again and again. I was dipping into the joint savings to cover my bills for the month, whilst racking up more and more debt.

I was in a place where I knew I had to stop. I knew I had to come clean but I couldn't. Then the mortgage deal on our house was up and we'd need to find a new one. I knew this wasn't going to be an easy ride because of my debt and absolutely decimated credit rating.

To add yet another similarity to this story, my wife found out we'd been rejected for a mortgage deal whilst I was at work so I knew that when I went home after my shift that I'd be coming clean and everything would be coming out in the open. The relief I felt at the fact I wasn't gonna have to carry that secret burden with my everywhere was huge. I'm not gonna pretend the conversation is easy because it absolutely isn't. It's horrible. I was in limbo with regards to my marriage for weeks. Thankfully my wife stuck around and hopefully yours does too.

Good luck mate. This is the start of the rest of your life.

It was horrible reading your story. This was pretty much my story too. Coming clean is the worst thing you'll ever experience, but it's a huge step in starting to recover. Don't underestimate how much hurt you will have caused. Just do everything in your power to prove yourself. Read all the advice on this forum. Take every ounce of help offered. Do this for you partner, but more importantly do it for yourself. You have to want to quit more than anything. Be completely honest. No more hiding anything. If you hide one thing and it comes out, you have not proved yourself. Show bank statements. Show loans and credit files. It's horrible, embarrassing, humiliating, but it needs to be done. 

Whilst it was horrible reading your story, it also made me happy. It is the first step and it means if you put in the work, you are on the road to recovery. Anyone getting to this stage should be proud. You now have hope of a better future, if you put the work in. 

Best of luck. Let us know how you are doing. The support in here is fantastic and will get you through the dark days.

Stay strong 👍 

Hi mate,

Just wondering how the conversation went?

Hello all,

Thanks to those who replied, means a lot.

My wife and i had a sit down and chat on Friday morning when i got home from work.  After years of hiding this i just came straight out and admitted to my problem, how it's been going on for years, how loan after loan was taken out to try and cover losses etc.  One of the hardest conversations i have ever had to have in my life knowing i was on the edge of my life taking a turn for the worse which i may never be able to turn back from.  We talked for a couple of hours about everything before i needed to get some sleep due to my work shift pattern.

That afternoon it was decided we really needed to make some changes if this was going to be able to be something we could work through together.  We had a joint bank account which i have looked after for many years (which is why i've obviously been able to hide the issues).  It was decided i needed to come off that account and my wife would take over sole duties of it.  Both agreed that i needed to come off it to try and avoid any temptation to deposit more money into any future lapses.  So not only had i closed all online betting accounts, the option to even deposit money into one was now not an option.  So hopefully with the software on my phone blocking these accounts, and having no access to finding them, this is the first step on the way to trying to get back onto the right road.

I'm still not feeling great obviously!  I feel like i'm in such a daze all the time even though my head is going at 100 miles an hour.  Just feel like i want to cry all the time.  It silly because we were sat with our youngest at the weekend watching a series we are in the middle of, and each time a funny scene or line came up, i laughed and felt terrible at the same time.  Like, why should i laugh knowing everything i'm putting them all through.  I know that may sound silly but i feel like i don't deserve to even laugh right now.  I'm struggling with food, not really having an appetite (which i really could do with having due to the weight loss i have been going through).

One thing i did do though was i had a check up appointment with my Dr on Friday morning and admitted to them the reason i think i'm having issues is down to the gambling.  The Dr said at least you've admitted it which obviously helps them see and put two and two together.  So my medication has been revised, i have more blood tests on Thursday and then a review at the end of the month.  Fingers crossed in a few weeks at least physically i can see some improvement.

As for our situation, we are looking at how to best deal with the money situation and get by each month due to the excessive loan repayments we are facing each month.  Some serious budgeting is going to have to take place but whatever needs to be done will be done.

So one step at a time, i have an amazing wife willing to give me that second chance and who wants us to work through this together.  The hardest part i feel is over in it coming to light, i've just got to prove to my wife that i'm willing to do whatever it takes.  I've lost too much family wide over the past few years and i have no intention of losing any more over something like this!

So thanks once again for those who have reached out.  I won't be on here with too many updates but i'll keep you posted now and again with how things are going.

Keep up the good work folks!

Thats amazing mate get has much support required get yourself on chatrooms it will show u are atleast trying be honest with your wife u will be tested in future has long as u talk about it it will be easier to prevent a relapse you can do this mate, one thing i learnt about this addiction coming to terms with this addiction 50% off the relapses happened without even having an urgue i was at the wrong place at the wrong time with a bunch of people who had no interest in my welfare as ive always been quite gulible and being in such environments i was bound to relapse i realise from all this you have to be selfish and put your own needs first and your wife will have your best interest i couldnt rely on friends and some of the people i associated with were bad influence just because they had no issue they couldnt take this addiction seriously and i got rid your family comes first so do whats best for you👍

So happy to hear this. I bet you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Don't worry too much about feelings of guilt, even when having a laugh with your family. This is normal. Guilt will haunt your life for a while. You have to remember though, you can't change the past. You can only change the future. Forget the money, forget the old you. Make your life better, be completely honest, and you will win back trust and learn to be guilt free. 

With regards to money. Have you considered Stepchange? They literally saved my life. I was in 50k of debt. I couldn't pay it back. They sorted everything for me. I still had to pay it back (I spent it after all!), but I could do this in such a way that I could afford it, and my creditors would stop any interest. This meant I could pay the debt back quicker. This is my first pay check debt free, and it's an amazing feeling. This will impact your credit score, but being in debt for twice as long due to interest is just as bad. Take the hit, contact Stepchange, sort out a plan, be debt free quicker.

Hope you find a solution and take all the advice you can get from here. it really does help.

Stay strong 👍 

Hello all once again!

Firstly, thanks to Tazman & Weirdfish for their replies, does mean a lot that people take time out of their schedules to reply to the folks on here.  Sure i speak for everyone who is or has struggled when i say it really is appreciated.

So anyway, little update from myself.  Two weeks now since my last deposit and spin.  Got to say i've not once wanted to play in those two weeks since.  Being found out and having to own up has been the massive kick up the backside i needed.  These past two weeks i've felt lighter for it in the weight i was carrying on my shoulders with it being on my mind 24 removed link   I'm not saying i've forgotten about what i'm going through, i just don't have it on my mind every waking second of the day like how i used to feel.  I know deep down as long as i keep on the right track, things will fingers crossed feel "normal" again.

My wife has been incredible through all of this and i have no idea how to thank her for her support other than right now, not to let her down again.  The debt is still scary to think about, but based on how things are and what we could possibly afford, i'd like to think in approx 4 years we should be debt free with the exception of our mortgage which only has 6 years left itself.  I keep saying to myself, remember that Covid was 5 and a half years ago and think how quick those 5 and a half years seem to have passed to try and put it in some kind of time context.  I don't want to wish my life away but it's nice to have hope, targets to think of for better days ahead.  Nice to have dreams again for hopefully getting to the point of being debt free once again and being able to bring those dreams to reality.

So two weeks down, many many more to go but i'm getting there.  For anyone else out there going through this or recognising themselves in my situation and wondering what to do, i know this will sound simple, but try and talk to someone.  I was scared to death of ever being caught, thinking eventually something will sort itself out and the debt will be gone.  What i was hiding coming out was the best thing in the world that could have happened to me.  Whether it's people here who you confide in, friends or loved ones, as hard as it might seem right now, help is out there in one form or another.  I might not be the best person to speak to about it with only just staring my journey, but if anyone ever feels like they need a natter, feel free to get in touch!  Not saying i have answers but i can at least listen i guess.

Anyway, thanks for those replies once again and hopefully the next update will be another positive one on this journey.

Keep fighting and stay strong people!

Morning all, 

Just wanted to provide a little update. So I'm now 2 months and 5 days GF. I've been lucky enough to get a little financial help to pay off some of my debts just to free up a little cash each month but I think I'm around 4 years away from being debt free at the moment. As much as that seems a lifetime away it's a lift at the end of the tunnel for me. 

I've not wanted to gamble still since all of this came to light. I think knowing what I could lose has really spurred me on. Strangely though the past two nights I've had dreams of having money in a bank account somehow and wanting to deposit it into my wife account. The dream doesn't show me gambling but I'm being keep awake wondering where the hell the money come from. I've not necessarily been thinking about slots or bets but just strange to have the same type of dream twice in a row. 

Anyhow, things are going slow but good. I feel better in myself, still under observation at the doctors but getting there, and things family wise are really good. So I check in again soon and hope you all keep up the good work!