My unhealthy addictions and unhealthy obsessions were a form of emotional escape which indicated how much fear I was living in, telling lies indicated how much pain and fear I lived in.

Hi

When I walked in to the recovery program I did not have a clue of how unhealthy I was.

I am a non religious person and I felt vulnerable with all the mentions of God and religion.

By me keep going to the recovery program I got to understand that each time I went back to gambling I made my life more difficult and more painful.

By hearing the therrapies I got to understand what my last emotional triggers were.

My last emotional triggers were due to my pains I could not heal.

My last emotional triggers were due to my fears I could not face or reduce.

My last emotional triggers were due to my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

My last emotional triggers were due to my isolating my self from other people due to my fears of emotional intimacy.

My last emotional triggers were due to my feeling of boredom because I was not able to fulfill my needs my wants or my golas.

In time I handed over all of my finances to my wife because I could not trust my self with money.

Simply said  the money was the fuel for my addiction.

Just for me to abstain for any time I needed to go to more meetings per week.

By going to all of those meetings I was investing more time and effort in to my recovery.

The simple question was I worth all tat time and effort.

No matter after the unhealthy actions and words I used would there be a day that I would start to love my self.

Would there be a day that I would start to respect my self.

By going gambling was the most unhealthy thing I could do to my self and my family.

In time I got to understand that once I lived my life with out gambling I would stop self abusing my self.

When I was gambling I was in effect going to work for nothing, I was wasting all that money. 

The gambling establisments never hurt me, I hurt my self.

The gambling establisments never lied to me, I lied to my self.

Before recovery the only time I felt succesfu in my self was by getting some thing for nothing or getting it cheap.

I have a healthy conscience which is based up on spirtual values.

By me having a healthy conscience when I say or do things which are painful and unhealthy I am hurting my self.

The recovery program would help me understand that deep inside of me was a hurt child that needed to heal.

So after I was able to abstain from unhealthy habits I could start to learn how to heal my pains.

The pains in my life that were not healed caused fears in me that I did not fully understand.

My anger was due to my pains fear and my frsutrations.

My anger and my rage and aggresion was very unhealthy in deed.

My anger and my rage and aggresion was me transfering my pains fears and frsutrations on to other people.

The sooner I started to heal the hurt inner child in me the sooner I would stop transfering my suferings on to other people.

Before my recovery I did not understand how unhealthy I use to be.

The like minded people in the recovery program help me understand more abaout my self.

With the shared deep therapies my deep fears reduced, my trust in other grew, I did not fear being more honest any more.

I got to understand more and more about my self, how to heal my pains, how to heal the PTSD and heal the hurt child in me.

The world has not changed for me for sure, yet I am abale to cope with my life in amuch healthier way today.

As I got to understand how unhealthy I use to be, I got to understand how to deal with unhealthy people in my life today.

Healing love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham