No urge unless playing - anyone else?

Hello and Welcome

It's a complex addiction and you can not take any gaps as a sign of control until you fully abstain and enter recovery with proper help

I understand what you are trying to say and maybe urge is the wrong word sometimes. The decision to gamble can seem casual or be triggered for many different reasons.

What you say is confused. You say you can stay away from it but then you gamble and it causes a  real mess. If you could stay away you would only have ever had one go and realised its a mugs game. Its a confusing addiction so I understand you are trying to make sense of it

I'm glad you're here but you wouldn't be here if you didn't think you had a problem...indeed you say you 100% do

Most gamblers are far away from admitting a problem because they don't know how addicted they are. I would say that anyone that has had a blowout session is prone to the addiction or already addicted

In a way it doesn't entirely matter how often and its more about the financial or social mess it causes.

Talk it through with us and your family. There is no shame in admitting it got to you. The estimate is 300,000 to 2.5 million problem gamblers in the UK...it could be even more

There is no point down playing how you feel about "urges".  Call it a compulsion or a drug addiction and that compulsion can seen subtle. We don't froth at the mouth to do it...we just do it for all the wrong reasons because our brain craves the opiates and dopamine it creates. Gambling addiction can take life savings in seconds never mind minutes or hours.

It a progressive illness and it can seem to lay dormant for a while but it's a false sign of any control 

I accept that some can seem more like binge gamblers than others but I think it's the same addiction and it gets worse.....for many years I thought I was a casual la Di Da gambler but the reality is I was blowing a third to half of my salary every year. I had breaks of up to a year and would probably have written what you have

So I'm not trying to be unkind...just trying to make you think. If you have chucked away too much money gambling you have a problem and need to reach out for recovery help

Best wishes for a gamble free future

I have temptations so I have to block my access to money so i can't do it. Once I start I cant stop

Hi

Once in the recovery program it took me along time to get motivated and also understand my emotional triggers.

I am a non religious person yet I do understand how important my spirtual values are today.

When I lie I hurt myself.

When I steal I hurt myself.

When I try to justify my unhealthy actions and words I hurt myself.

I use to think that if I stopped gambling I would be happy.

When I stopped gambling I stopped causing my self pains.

When I stopped gambling I did not ahve to lie as often.

When I stopped gambling I needed to exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

The addictions and obsessions were just teh symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable.

In time I got to understand for me that recovery means healing.

Yet I could not heal the pains of my child hood unless I talked about them.

 My life today, less pains, less fears, less procrastination, less money, less self abuse, less frsutrations, less time wasting, less anger, less feeling guilty and ashamed of being a very unhealthy person.

I use to use the words good bad right or wrong.

In my recovery it is all about what is healthy and what is unhealthy.

Today when I woke up I knew what I was going to do with my time.

The very last thing I want to do today with my life is gamble.

If I were to gamble I know that I would make things much worse than they were.

Stick with it you are worth it.

You will not regret living a healthier life today.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

@gerard-g Glad to hear you’ve taken a positive step and blocked your card. I don’t have the temptations but agree if I started I wouldn’t know where to stop again. 

@gadaveuk Thank you and I agree it only seems to cause pain and hurt. Glad to hear you’re doing well in life and have made those positive changes. 

@joydivider Hi and thanks for your comment. I think you’re right it may be that the wording of my comment isn’t expressing what I am referring to very well. 

As I have already said I am a problem gambler, an addict, 100% have an issue - I tried to make that quite clear. I am not denying it. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have an issue and am trying to rectify that and build a better future by taking it step by step and never finding myself in this position again. 

Some people appear (from topics I’ve read on here) to be constantly tempted or always thinking about gambling, yet I don’t and have never felt like that, if that makes sense. As you say it takes many forms, but I find it odd not to be always battling it in some way. It may be early days this time but I was 7 years clean with no relapse and felt the same then. I obviously can be triggered as I have found myself back in the same situation. 

Just an example, I smoke - I will think of cigarettes all the time. I struggle if I don’t have them and will scrape by if I have to just to buy them. I’ve quit many times before (a year, 2 years at a time etc) but cigarettes were always on my mind even when classing myself as a non smoker. But with my gambling issue I don’t have the same ‘constant obsession’ if you like. You mention it coming in different forms and maybe I have a different form of addiction, maybe more like a ‘binge’. 

It’s not the best analogy but my gambling looked something like this: 

I took a dip in a lake at 21, the water felt nice and so I went further until I reached deeper waters and could no longer swim. After struggling I made it back to the shore a frightened mess vowing never to go into the lake again.

Over the years I sometimes thought of the lake, but never wanted to go in again. 

7 years later, after a stressful time I found myself thinking of the lake and how those waters may ease some of my stresses and so I decided just to dip a toe in again. Full control right?! The dangers wouldn’t be there after 7 years! But again the water felt good and I chose to risk one quick swim…and you know the rest. 

I have accepted regardless of the patterns/desires I have to abstain for life! 

x

Yes that's interesting and I do understand what you are saying

I can relate to that.....maybe a trigger binge that doesn't happen often for you

Do you think it takes a certain type of stress or depression to trigger your gambling? 

Yes I get it. I could go months but then bad news or just seeing a machine in a pub restaurant would trigger me to gamble on it

It's interesting to me that you could go much longer periods of time. I think there is a binge form of addiction with gaps. I knew binge drinkers that could go months without and then binge for several days straight

Problem is that binge usually ended up with a police cell, fights, lost valuables or taxi drivers demanding goods for unpaid fares etc

We both know that the result of binge gambling is still extremely bad

Personally my gaps got less and less....weeks to a week then days. For years though my gaps were much longer up to a year and a half so it's an interesting topic. I still know I was addicted from the age of twelve though

I only smoke if offered one on a rare night out and I don't really drink so I try to learn why gambling caused the mess in my life

Maybe it does lie more dormant in some people but I still think it's ready to come out at the click of the fingers.

I'm not saying I had a lesser addiction because it caused me plenty of financial misery down to bankruptcy and homelessness.

The difficulty is that I don't really want to tell others on the forum about gaps because I still ruined my life

All the best and keep posting

@joydivider thank you, it’s really interesting to hear different view points! Like you I’ve caused a lot of destruction and misery in my own life so I guess the best thing to do is only look forward from here on. 

Keep fighting it and I’m sure others welcome your experience and knowledge in support. 

x

Hi

I am a non religious person and if I can find a healthy healing recovery any one can.

No one could stop me from escaping in my fears to gambling that was going to be my own choice.

No one could stop me lying to my self or other people that was going to be my own choice.

In time I would understand that the gambling addiction and my obsessions was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, the emotional triggers indicated that I was vulnerable and reacted in some very unhealthy ways.

In my recovery I got to understand my emotional triggers, pains I could not heal, fears I could not face, frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, loneliness, and boredom.

I got to understand my anger was an unhealthy reaction to pains I could not heal, fears I could not face, frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

Where do you start to peel back the onion and expose the hurt inner child in you?

I am a very slow learner for sure.

Yet in time I got the light bulb moment and understood that abstaining from unhealthy habits would enable to learn how to heal my pains of the hurt inner child in me.

In my addictions and obsessions there a lot of self destruction isolation and painful misery

If you asked me what my emotions and my feelings after losing every thing at the gambling estabisments time after time I could not tell you.

Yet after a few hours of sleep I would focus on getting money and getting back to actions as quickly as possible.

Walking in to the recovery program I could not tell you what my feelings and emotions were.

No matter when my last bet was the best place for me was in a meeting.

No matter how bad my life was the best place for me was in a meeting.

No matter how bad my life was the best thing to do was talk to alike minded person in the recovery program.

In my recovery I learn from my past yet I look forward from here on in being the healthiest person I can be today..

The wording for me fighting was replaced with complete surrender, if I do not gamble I will not make things in my life any worse.

We all welcome your experience and knowledge in our sharing and wisdom to finding a much healthier life today.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L AKA

Dave of Beckenham uk.

Hi

For me to relate to others I was openeing up more about myself.

Yes certain type of fears anxiety stress or depression caused m to want to run escape in my over whelming fears.

My emotional trigger to gambling seemed so over pwoering over me.

For me seeing a machine in a pub just helped me understand that my fears were still very high.

For me long periods of clean time did not mean I had healed my pains.

My unhealthy reactions made me aware of how much more pains there were to heal.

My unhealthy reactions to people life and situations helped me understand there was more ehaling to be done.

In time I was willing to abstaing from my unhealthy smoking.

That unhealthy habit cost over 10 per day, over a year that was 3,650 and over 20 years that was 72,000 which was a very unhealthy costly health risk to myself.

I am willing to have a drink now yet I am very reluctant to drink to much.

In time I learned that gambling indicated I could not heal my ains or process my feelings and my emotions in a healthy way.

Gambling never hurt me I hurt myself.

Gambling never caused the mess in my life I did.

Gambling never helped me in healthy ways what so ever.

For me gambling was a form of self abuse and painful torture.

Today I am still an addict yet I am a much healthier addict.

I do not want to hurt my self or other peple today.

I understand that when I ran away in my fears to gambling I nearly always made things much worse and painful than they were.

Causing financial pain misery and more fears to myself I do not want or need to escape from myself today.

I deserve to be kinder more loving and respectful of myself today.

Today by my abstaining from unhealthy habits I haveit in me to heal more of my pains and reduce my fears today.

More honesty and itimacy with my self is both a need and a want in my life today.

It is only by talking about our break outs that we get to understand more about our emotional triggers.

The more I got in to my recovery there were light bulbs moments where I got it, I understand that I both wanted and needed to heal my pains..

How much value do you put on your life and your health today.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Getting rid of gambling in my body is something extremely difficult, I have tried everything but gambling in my mind has a strong urge. The most effective method I have ever used is just playing video games to keep my mind from gambling, is there another more effective way?