No urge unless playing - anyone else?

Hello and Welcome

It's a complex addiction and you can not take any gaps as a sign of control until you fully abstain and enter recovery with proper help

I understand what you are trying to say and maybe urge is the wrong word sometimes. The decision to gamble can seem casual or be triggered for many different reasons.

What you say is confused. You say you can stay away from it but then you gamble and it causes a  real mess. If you could stay away you would only have ever had one go and realised its a mugs game. Its a confusing addiction so I understand you are trying to make sense of it

I'm glad you're here but you wouldn't be here if you didn't think you had a problem...indeed you say you 100% do

Most gamblers are far away from admitting a problem because they don't know how addicted they are. I would say that anyone that has had a blowout session is prone to the addiction or already addicted

In a way it doesn't entirely matter how often and its more about the financial or social mess it causes.

Talk it through with us and your family. There is no shame in admitting it got to you. The estimate is 300,000 to 2.5 million problem gamblers in the UK...it could be even more

There is no point down playing how you feel about "urges".  Call it a compulsion or a drug addiction and that compulsion can seen subtle. We don't froth at the mouth to do it...we just do it for all the wrong reasons because our brain craves the opiates and dopamine it creates. Gambling addiction can take life savings in seconds never mind minutes or hours.

It a progressive illness and it can seem to lay dormant for a while but it's a false sign of any control 

I accept that some can seem more like binge gamblers than others but I think it's the same addiction and it gets worse.....for many years I thought I was a casual la Di Da gambler but the reality is I was blowing a third to half of my salary every year. I had breaks of up to a year and would probably have written what you have

So I'm not trying to be unkind...just trying to make you think. If you have chucked away too much money gambling you have a problem and need to reach out for recovery help

Best wishes for a gamble free future

I have temptations so I have to block my access to money so i can't do it. Once I start I cant stop

@gerard-g Glad to hear you’ve taken a positive step and blocked your card. I don’t have the temptations but agree if I started I wouldn’t know where to stop again. 

Thank you and I agree it only seems to cause pain and hurt. Glad to hear you’re doing well in life and have made those positive changes. 

@joydivider Hi and thanks for your comment. I think you’re right it may be that the wording of my comment isn’t expressing what I am referring to very well. 

As I have already said I am a problem gambler, an addict, 100% have an issue - I tried to make that quite clear. I am not denying it. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have an issue and am trying to rectify that and build a better future by taking it step by step and never finding myself in this position again. 

Some people appear (from topics I’ve read on here) to be constantly tempted or always thinking about gambling, yet I don’t and have never felt like that, if that makes sense. As you say it takes many forms, but I find it odd not to be always battling it in some way. It may be early days this time but I was 7 years clean with no relapse and felt the same then. I obviously can be triggered as I have found myself back in the same situation. 

Just an example, I smoke - I will think of cigarettes all the time. I struggle if I don’t have them and will scrape by if I have to just to buy them. I’ve quit many times before (a year, 2 years at a time etc) but cigarettes were always on my mind even when classing myself as a non smoker. But with my gambling issue I don’t have the same ‘constant obsession’ if you like. You mention it coming in different forms and maybe I have a different form of addiction, maybe more like a ‘binge’. 

It’s not the best analogy but my gambling looked something like this: 

I took a dip in a lake at 21, the water felt nice and so I went further until I reached deeper waters and could no longer swim. After struggling I made it back to the shore a frightened mess vowing never to go into the lake again.

Over the years I sometimes thought of the lake, but never wanted to go in again. 

7 years later, after a stressful time I found myself thinking of the lake and how those waters may ease some of my stresses and so I decided just to dip a toe in again. Full control right?! The dangers wouldn’t be there after 7 years! But again the water felt good and I chose to risk one quick swim…and you know the rest. 

I have accepted regardless of the patterns/desires I have to abstain for life! 

x

Yes that's interesting and I do understand what you are saying

I can relate to that.....maybe a trigger binge that doesn't happen often for you

Do you think it takes a certain type of stress or depression to trigger your gambling? 

Yes I get it. I could go months but then bad news or just seeing a machine in a pub restaurant would trigger me to gamble on it

It's interesting to me that you could go much longer periods of time. I think there is a binge form of addiction with gaps. I knew binge drinkers that could go months without and then binge for several days straight

Problem is that binge usually ended up with a police cell, fights, lost valuables or taxi drivers demanding goods for unpaid fares etc

We both know that the result of binge gambling is still extremely bad

Personally my gaps got less and less....weeks to a week then days. For years though my gaps were much longer up to a year and a half so it's an interesting topic. I still know I was addicted from the age of twelve though

I only smoke if offered one on a rare night out and I don't really drink so I try to learn why gambling caused the mess in my life

Maybe it does lie more dormant in some people but I still think it's ready to come out at the click of the fingers.

I'm not saying I had a lesser addiction because it caused me plenty of financial misery down to bankruptcy and homelessness.

The difficulty is that I don't really want to tell others on the forum about gaps because I still ruined my life

All the best and keep posting

@joydivider thank you, it’s really interesting to hear different view points! Like you I’ve caused a lot of destruction and misery in my own life so I guess the best thing to do is only look forward from here on. 

Keep fighting it and I’m sure others welcome your experience and knowledge in support. 

x

Getting rid of gambling in my body is something extremely difficult, I have tried everything but gambling in my mind has a strong urge. The most effective method I have ever used is just playing video games to keep my mind from gambling, is there another more effective way?