Just wondering if anyone else struggles with comments from family or friends that just annoys them. I have definitely found things easier since talking to people about my gambling but I also feel that often their comments aren’t the most helpful. For example, earlier I messaged one of my close friends who knows about the gambling to say that I am 50 days gamble free today. 50 days is something I’m quite proud of myself and their only response was ‘51 days would be good too’. I understand their intention is just to get me to keep going but it felt very dismissive of something I thought was something to celebrate. This isn’t the first time I’ve ended up offended/annoyed at well-meaning comments but then I always end up feeling guilty for being annoyed as I know they are only trying to help and I already feel a level of guilt for burdening them with this.
Has anyone else had this issue and how do you manage when well-meaning comments just aren’t helpful?
Hi cerrry93
I've definitely had issues in the past with some resentment/anger when I've made comments and not got the response I was looking for. Like you said they are most probably trying to motivate you in a round about way but it wasn't the praise you were looking for. Just remember that it's a massive achievement and you should most definitely give yourself a pat on the back and a well done.
I understand that it's easier said than done because it's only natural to want others to be proud of your achievements as well as yourself but you put yourself at risk of being hurt/offended when you make comments and have an expectation from the other person. I've had to do alot of mindful behaviour based around this because I had this happen quite alot in the past. Building my self worth up has been fundamental with fixing this because I found that I was always looking for acceptance of being good enough from others because I didn't feel great about myself.
Kind regards
Hi
My resentments and anger were also my emotionall triggers.
My resentments and anger also indicated I was not healing my pain.
By my having unreasonable expectations I was hurting myself.
What is healthy about praise if we seeek form others we tend to be always dissapointed.
People who are nto addicts do not understand.
We are not able to stop while we are consumed by our unhealthyhabits.
You have made comments and not got the response you were expecting.
You are hurting your self.
Abstaining does not mean we are healed and fully recovered.
Abstaining means the healing procss can start.
In a healthy recovery we in time learn to be proud of our achievements and how we value our self.
If I have an unreasonable expectation from the other people we are always going o be dissapointed and causing our self pain.
It is healthy building up your own confidence, to become selfishabout our recovery, to become self sufficient in every healthy way.
Recovery is about healing our pains.
Recovery is about writing down my healthy needs.
Recovery is about writing down my healthy wants.
Recovery is about writing down my healthy goals.
Recovery is about being the healthiest person I canbe each day.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK
Hi @georgeo,
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with your parents.
Alot of the work of work I've had to do during my recovery has been around working on acceptance, patience, tolerance so that I could stop what goes on outside me from affecting me mentally and then leading me to escaping in addiction.
Addiction is only driven by feelings and emotions so it is imperative that you have control over your feelings and emotions. If you are easily disturbable by life events/people then addiction relapse is going to problematic going forward.
Working with someone who can help you think differently when dealing with life will be key to being more stable mentally.
Kind regards
Hi cerrry,
I gambled for 48 years from the age of 15 to the age of 63 I've hear stuff like " He'll never be any good, to " Give him a fiver he's all right, give him £500 he's all wrong. It's over 4 years since I last gambled & I take pride in that. I have an addiction, I sought help & support & one day at time I'm trying to deal with it. Trust doesn't come easy, it has to be hard earned. I can never demonstrate that I can be trusted but I can show accountability. My loved ones can access my bank transactions & credit reports any time.
50 days is an awesome achievement, for a CG to go 1 day without gambling is the stepping stone to a better future. Peoples perceptions about us are what they are, we can't change that. Hopefully tomorrow is day 51 GF. Be proud, be strong, it isn't about how others may judge you, but about how you feel about yourself. You've made giant steps, acknowledging you have an addiction, seeking support & reaching a wonderful milestone. Take pride in everything you've achieved, it's wonderful to see how well you're doing.
Sincere Best Wishes
AL
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