On August the 1st 2024 in Calgary I celebrate 32 years of not being a very vulnerable hurt child living in fear.

Hi

I walked in to  the recovery program not understanding how unhealthy I was.

If some one gave me money before I walked in to the recovery program I doubt I would got in to the recovery.

My addictions and obbsessions just indicated how lost how inadequate and insecure I was.

I got to understand that the addictions and obbsessions just indicated how unhealthy I was.

I got to understand that the addictions and obbsessions just indicated I had certain unhealthy emotional triggers I had. 

I got to understand that my unhealthy emotional triggers were my pains I could not heal, fear I could not reduce or face, my frustrations were due to my unreeasonable expectations of people life and situations when things did not go my way, my loneliness was due to my fears of emotional intimacy, that my boredom was due to my not being able to be productive in healthy ways.

The funny thing that my frustrations were due to my unreeasonable expectations of people life and situations by me having unreeasonable expectations of people life and situations I was hurting my self.

I am a non religious person, yet I am a more spirtual person, that sounds like a conflict yet today it is not.

Today I do not go against my healthy spirtual values which is what my conscience is based up on. 

I am not willing to be angry an transfer my pains fears and frsautrations on to other poeople.

I did karate for two years then found out that I still feared aggression in my life.

I got to understand that the aggression was due to unhealthy people in my life were transfering their pains fears and frustrations on to me.

I got to understand that my anger waas a very unhealthy reaction to my pains not healed, my fears not reduced or faced and due to my unreeasonable expectations of people life and situations.

I got motivated in to taking the recovery program seriously, that once I was able to abstain from unhealthy habits I was able to fill my life with healthy habits.

I got in to the healthy habit of writing down on paper each day my needs my wants and my goals.

Every time I get a job done I would cross it off the paer.

The question I asked my self was did d I do a good job, was I happy with what I had done.

I got to understand that the addictions and obbsessions just indicated that the hurt inner child in me had not healed from the pains of my past.

That the recovery program is not about who is right wrong good or bad but more about what is healthy or what is unhealthy.

How much more healthy can I be today.

How much do I value my life and my self today.

How long is it going to take me to heal that hurt inner child in me.

How much time and effort am I willing to put in to my hurt inner child today.

Healing love and peace to everyone.

On August the 1st I celebrate 32 years of not gambling.

On August the 1st in Calgary I celebrate 32 years of not being a very vulnerable hurt child  living in fear.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.