Recently really started to question my gambling addiction. I've openly admitted to having a gambling problem, now I find myself wondering was it as bad as I thought? Or have I just learnt to control things?
Was I gambling to mask other things in my life, was it easier to gamble than face up to being with the wrong person, was it easier to self destruct and ruin everything rather than walk away clean?
Gambling now? Do I still gamble? Yes if I want too but it's not in my full control, my current GF has control the account is in here name and her bank so I have to transfer her any money if I want to gamble, I haven't actually deposited any money on the account in three months, but I do often do free spins etc and play around with any money I get from that...
Do I only feel in control of it because I can't actually deposit money myself? Would it be different if I could would I be back where I've been before?
Has the counselling given me the tools to cope better with gambling? Had my mindset to it all changed? Do I see it as something fun again rather than a way to deal with life, am I not looking to win big anymore to get myself out of the messes I was getting into.
Like I said at the beginning I'm asking myself so many questions. Is this just a sign that I'm finally happy with where I am in life? Have my priorities changed.
Not once did I think on either occasion right I've got that to gamble with now, or yeah I've won let's win more.
Maybe I've just changed and grown as a person this last year. Either way its great to still have a place like this to write something like this to get it out the head.
All the best to everyone out there on their own journey and if you read this whole thing. Thank you
Hi
Some interesting thoughts and you need to sit down and talk with your girlfriend more about it all
It's a complex addiction and it will delude you into thinking everything is alright and under control. You can never be complacent about that . If you've had a problem it tends to get into your bones because it acts like a drug addiction.
If your girlfriend has the money it should stay that way and you should be living on an allowance she sees receipts for. She needs to check you can't borrow anything aswell
As you know gambling is not really an income scheme so I wonder how your girlfriend feels about a gambling allowance for your entertainment
It's not a wholesome activity and I consider it a mugs game and a vice.
Is there nothing you would rather spend the money on like a computer game for example?
I'm not having a go at you....I just want to make you think and hope you will go and talk to non gamblers in your family or trusted friends
Best wishes
@joydivider i understand where your coming from, i have been in my current relationship for 4 years and gambling has never been an issue during this time my problems were all pre 2018, i'm never complacent about my gambling i know that addiction is always a stones throw away, i have full control of all my own money, pay all my part of the bills etc, my GF currently holds a betting account that i can use if i ever just want or fancy a bet, that way i have to send her any money i want to deposit which in turn keeps things alot more controlled for me but in all honesty i havent deposited anything on there for a long time, mainly for the reasons you stat i have chosen to spend my money on other things in life.
my post was mainly just questions i am now asking myself as i have gotten older and had help for addiction etc, everyone is so different when it comes to gambling and addiction in general that there is no one glove fits all.
We are always growing an adapting as people learning new things and ways of dealing with things, i feel very fortunate when it comes to my own gambling journey as i know many have had different outcomes and i wish everyone nothing but best wishes in their own battles.
Its absolutely a fascinating subject.
I thought i could have the odd poker or black jack session, after i admitted to myself i had a massive problem with slots, over the course of a few months i convinced myself i could still play poker and black jack.
A few wipe outs of our savings account later, well i`m sure you can guess the rest.
Hopefully you are much stronger and more switched on than me, just one question Why do you still want to gamble even in a controlled way?
Best of luck!
Hi
Questioning why I gambled.
Good question for me it was a form of escape which was fear based.
The highs of the gambling was my escape and it was fear based.
The pains in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.
Admitting to my self the truth was enlighteneing and being healthy.
The person I most feared facing was myself.
The gambling was not healthy for me it was a path that lead to self destruction and so much pain.
Can you learn to stop a runaway train not that simple.
Living in fear and anxiety just escalated more fears.
With high levels of fears you are nto able to have healthy itnimate relationship withy our self or other people.
I use to feel that any questions were a threat to me.
That is living in fear anxiety and stress.
By being consumed by addiction is only resolved by completely stopping your addictions and unhealthy habits.
Only by stopping your addictions and unhealthy habits can you have a chance to heal the pain and the hurt inner child in you.
By admitted to your self you are having a gambling problem you have a chance.
It is very painful to self destruct and ruin everything.
Sadly you are not only hurting your self you are taking other people down with you.
For me gambling causes pains in me and then my fears get out of control.
The money was never going to give me emotional healing.
The simple truth I did not value money and more importantly I did not value myself.
The important thing about the recovery program is we start to heal our paisn and face our fears.
In living a healthy life I have intimacy with myself and other people.
In living a healthy life I do have to lie to my self any more.
Dave L
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