Hi, I’m new on here but not so new to all the comments, feelings, emotions and stories I’ve read that have been shared by very brave people.
My story in a nutshell, I’m a strong capable woman in her 40’s with a good job, children and for some years a very stable marriage. About 13 years ago I stumbled across a bingo site and joined for fun. Like every story of a gambler, I used to deposit a small amount and win/lose it didn’t matter as I enjoyed it. After a while I started to win and with winnings began playing the slots... that was my downfall 🙁
For a time it was ok and I had some relatively good wins (and losses which were probably evens), but I liked playing the big jackpot games. To cut a very very long story short, I had 2 big wins - one £15k that everyone knew about and photos taken for the site etc, I thought god how lucky am I!!! I paid some debts off but then played more for bigger stakes £25 to £100 Per spin!! and for longer periods of time, sometimes to 3/4 in the morning and I had to be up for work the next day, but I was a winner and would win again (I was thinking) but all the time chasing what I had lost, and I did start to lose. I went back into debt as I’d sometimes play £1k to £2k in a day - yes a day! Sometimes within half hour I’d spend £1k (shocking I know). Anyway, I had another win but £30k this time ... I nearly fell off my seat with shock but was able to pay off all my debts and this time told no one about it, not even my husband at the time.
NOTE : This was the time I should have packed up playing for good, as everything in my life went downhill from there.
I gradually drip fed that £30k back and got in even more debt, I did all the usual lying and being deceitful to people, robbing Peter to pay Paul etc etc. I didn’t like the person I was becoming but didn’t know how to get myself out of this awful hole. The only way I could think was to keep gambling - as I’ve won before and will win again - WRONG!
I eventually had to tell my husband (and my parents) as i was at breaking point and even thinking about taking my own life. I literally maxed out every credit card, had bank loans and overdrafts, you name it I had it and it was easy to get. One credit card had a £20k limit ...
He went mad but did try to help me sort it, but it was my debt and I had to pay it back were his words. We remortgaged to around £100k I think and I paid off my debts but I had a hefty repayment every month, he refused to help.
Fast forward to 2011, my husband and I eventually split, my choice and for various reasons but I did have in my mind how unsupportive he was about my addiction and debt situation, he used to say I’ve ruined my kids inheritance and I’ll always be a nightmare with money etc etc but never supported to help me, I had to do all that on my own which was tough.
I came out of my marriage with practically nothing as he would not accept to split 50/50 due to my debt, I was embarrassed for anyone to know so I agreed to the small settlement. Gutted!
I also now have a debt management plan which I’ve had for a few years, reducing slowly but surely - I owe just over £20k now :)) BUT it has had massive consequences on being able to move on and get another mortgage or credit or anything, so I still have a huge ball and chain to carry 🙁 BUT I’m going in the right direction!
I have had a few relapses over the past few years (2016-2018) mainly I think because I’ve had a few personal
issues to deal with , I think gambling for me takes me out of reality and satisfies my boredom too. Anyway, they’ve been smallish gambles (£300/£400 in a month) but I could see myself slipping into that awful hole again ..... so I decided to really really try to kick the habit this time - so this is day 7 of no Gambling
Hey free, well done for coming on here and telling your story. It is very hard for people who don’t have this horrible addiction to understand that we don’t actually enjoy what we are doing...it’s an illness and not something we can help without really addressing the problem. You are very similar to me, I gamble as a distraction from boredom or to not have to think about what’s going on in life. The hardest thing I have found is filling the time. I have relapsed numerous times now but this time, like you, I am determined to beat the problem.
You will get there, just tell yourself every morning, “I will not gamble today”, get through one day at a time.
Good luck
Hi free
Reading your story you have come through a lot and survived to tell the tale.
Life is always evolving and we as humans must adapt to the situations life throws at us by also evolving. You gambled, lost, had a tough time and are now in recovery, well done, keep going by not gambling and everything else will fall into place.
Shaun
Thank you both for taking the time to read my post and to give your support, it really means a lot. Many people will never understand the turmoil and constant thought process we go through going over and over why we do what we do... I have searched for the answer everywhere, but I’ve come to believe the answer is in us it just takes some strength, determination and lots of willpower to win through. Shaun, I found your posts so inspiring but the first one “point 7. THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE. I don’t need willpower to give up gambling as I am not giving anything up, I am liberating myself from gambling which has been like a ball and chain around my ankle. So, why would I be sad or need will power, it’s like having a splinter in my finger, when I take it out I am not sad but happy.” That for me hit a nerve and changed my thinking so thank you for sharing!
Hi free just read ur story u've gone thru a lot, i think as u won such large sums ur gambling escalated and u were thinking 100 pounds is not a lot when in reality it buys a lot in a supermarket, pub a flight to a holiday destination etc. Now uve stopped u will like i have get a better understanding of the value of things. Over the past two months after bills and food ive spent under forty pounds and still lived an enjoyable life. In 2016 in spent 8000 on social activities, 2017 4000 and so far 2300 in 2018 i get better each year and so will u once it becomes a habbit to not gamble as a lifestyle choice. Most of us here relapse but i read something today that really hit a nerve "its a journey not a destination" we are not travelling towards an end destination of a gamble free place we are travelling thru life one day at a time trying not to gamble. Mixer another user of this furom started a challenge called the guru challenge where we help each other by talking about our problems and posting updates if u would like to join just post on the thread? adam123
17 days GFand counting. Pay day today... I have vowed to have money left at the end of the month and not a penny will go on this awful habit! I will not gamble today or tomorrow or the day after that 🙂
This is the problem with winning big and gambling in general, it makes you lose all value of money, we win a couple of grand and suddenly turning £20 into £100 isn’t seen as win anymore. It was my downfall also as well as many other people I’m sure. I’m sorry to hear about your marriage breaking down and everything that has happened since but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and sound determined, I wish you the best of luck on your road to recovery!
Hi freeee
Well done in staying gamble free.
It’s a good point that 7th one but I can’t take the credit, it’s an Allen Carr one. So true, why do something that ultimately harms us. When we think about it like that then we see gambling for what it is, just an ellobrate con trick. Making mugs out of us, now, you don’t like being taken for a mug, do you?
Stay positive and stay strong.
Shaun
Thanks for taking the time to read my story Green, much like many others and reading yours, I have been to the places you have in your head and also felt all the pain that come with it - battling constantly with the ‘other half’ of you who wants to deposit that last £10... I felt so exhaust with just constantly having arguments with myself about what an awful person I was, then justifying what I was doing in my head with comments like ‘I work hard and can so what I want with my money’ then feeling guilt at the pit of my stomach for days trying to make ends meet until pay day. I even lied to my daughter to lend some money from her to see me through ... that’s when I thought that’s it, enough! I also read some really inspiring and very insightful posts on here which have really helped. I too am with stepchange and have lied to them about missed payments before, but only on 2 occasions over 3/4 years so if I were you, speak to them and be truthful and they willl help you fend off the creditors but you MUST seek help from GA given how tou are feeling and that you can’t stop ... I’m lucky not to have had to go the GA BUT if I relapse again - which I WILL NOT - I would go to them ... I wish you lluck and pass on prayers of will power to you 🙂
Kaz x
Sean1 wrote:
Hi freeee
Well done in staying gamble free.
It’s a good point that 7th one but I can’t take the credit, it’s an Allen Carr one. So true, why do something that ultimately harms us. When we think about it like that then we see gambling for what it is, just an ellobrate con trick. Making mugs out of us, now, you don’t like being taken for a mug, do you?
Stay positive and stay strong.
Shaun
Hi Free! Glad that you have found some freedom ; released that ball and chain. I also have a long history with slots and a sad story all my own. Great that we all can understand one another and offer support. tara2
Thanks for your kind words of support Tara, I’m getting there and happier for it 🙂 I see you too have struggled ... it isn’t easy by any means, but this site and reading others challenges has really helped me. Good luck on your journey, just keep thinking, gambling is losing - period!
Hi free,
Just a little message to say I can relate to your story. I too won big, really big and that was the worst thing that could have happened. The win only escalated and fuled my addiction. I should have / could have when I won stopped and life would have been so different. I have had opportunities and not taken them. I am happy to report I am 52 days gf and although life is not easy it’s better. It’s better because I am no longer that awful person who was lying and being deceitful.
Good luck on your journey,
Sarah
Hi Kaz
Well done on 26 days gamble free, don’t they mount up. Just think befoer Xmas you will have done 50 days. Keep going and ticking off the gamble free days. An idea, I put a one pound coin into a jar for every gamble free day, that way you can see a physical representation of your hard work.
ATB
Shaun
Hi Free,
Reading your story, as I’m sure everyone can, I really relate to it. It’s horrible, I sometimes wish my life could be so different. But I am who I am and I have to move forwards. You have been through a lot and you are still here to tell the story. You should be proud of that. There’s been points in my life where I though I wouldn’t be here today, but I am and I’ve got to make the best of it, just like you! Every day gamble free is a f*****g great day!!!! I really hope I can kick this forever and I hope you can too. Good luck and don’t gamble! X
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