Hi Everyone,
A little update. He is coping with me managing the finances, we have managed to take our daughter out to a theme park for the day, dinners out etc as I didn't want him feeling he was working and not gaining anything.
However Friday a tax bill appeared on the door step for a time when he was shortly self employed....he thinks the amount is wrong and wants to appeal before we panic how to pay this.
Then Sunday I receive a message from one of he's friends partners stating he still owes the friend £2000! This friend acted as a guarantor on a £5000 loan but didn't realise t would go against their property, the friends partner found out and obviously wasn't happy so told my partner he needed to transfer the money back. My partner was in the depths of a relapse so the money pretty much went straight away so he had to get two smaller loans to pay the friend back (this is when I found out about the relapse). He hasn't got great credit so long and short of it he paid back all but £2000 and the friend used he's own savings to pay the loan back which we have seen confirmation of. I thought it has been paid back fully and so the msg from the partner came as a shock....he hasn't told me that he has since become aware that he still owes £2000 and was giving the friend excuses/lies. When I spoke to him he looked ashamed. This friend has no idea my partner has a problem.
What what could I physically do apart from call this friend and he's partner and explain he is a CG, he won't get a loan to pay him back and we have no savings to use. I felt terrible for this man. I have £1500 saved for my 4 year old daughter but refuse to use that, she shouldn't suffer because of her dad's issues. I Could probably get a loan or be a guarantor for him but again I refuse. Instead and I hope it was the right move we sat down together wrote he's outgoings down- our joint and he's own bills and then got him to contact Step Change. I could just see things spiralling out of control what with the 2 loans he got to pay the friend back, the tax bill and now the £2000 to he's friend. I'm also due to go on mat leave in June. My maternity pay isn't too bad to be honest but the plan before all this was he would pay more due to the decrease in my income. Step change were great! He has put 2 loans and 2 old catalogues with them and saves £200 a month which can go to he's friend/tax bill with me also helping as much as I can.
The friend was a so lovely and was shocked about my partners prob and lies. He said he didn't want me using my money whilst 7 months pregnant but appreciates me being honest and explains our situation and lumps of money here and there is better than nothing at all. Why couldn't my partner just of approached me and I could have helped him come up with this plan before the friends partner msg me?! I know he hates worrying me and putting extra pressure on me whilst pregnant but it's not as if he had added more debt to the total but gambling. I'm just relieved it wasn't due to a relapse and was just too embarrassed and ashamed. Can't wait for my counselling session Thursday again!
Keep your heads up people xxx
Hi Demented, I hope you're well! How have things panned out now? I hope that you are all ok and well done for seeking some counselling so that you can address the situation with a clear and level understanding of that that you're dealing with. All the best, a recovering CG of 38 days and never happier. Mikey
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