hi everybody just wanting some advice my husband has been a gambler since the age of 18 he is now 32. He has only really fully admitted that he has a problem when we found out he had spent over 3000 grand on online gambling over five months I threatened to leave as this happened a few year ago and have my three yr old to think of I’ll give him his due this time round he has handed all the bank cards over to me let me take control of the finances he has self excluded himself from betting shops and online gambling. I have noticed that sum money has come out of the bank like a ten pound but withdrawn 5 pound one straight after the other. I have a feeling his work mates are doing it for him as I know how his mind works( he has deffo excluded himself his mate went with him for moral support to get band for betting shops and showed me the emails as confirmation) I have giving him my full support and that if he feels he wants to gamble talk to me and we will work through it. I feel disgusted hurt and upset it’s not the gambling so much it’s they lying and the deceit and making me feel guilty for spending money on my daughter when he has been wasting all that money. I just wanna know if I’m at a lost cause here and will he do it again we’re not in any debt thank god and all the bills have been paid I’m I being unreasonable in feeling this way xxxxx
Hi Kirsty I'm sorry you're here. The reality is he's an addict and it's a huge thing to halt overnight. If you take control of finance that means completely. You give him cash he gives you receipts for everything, to the penny. Salary straight to you, you pay all bills. He can give you cards and order new ones. He needs to actively show you he's stopping. He can get help from gamcare and go to GA. You can call helpline and get advice , you can go to a gamanon meeting. You need to equip yourself with as much knowledge as possible. They are not only gamblers but compulsive liars too. If he's borrowing from mates then maybe they need to be warned. My husband is 47, gambling probably 30 years, it gets progressively worse. Even after handing over salary etc he would get loans specifically to gamble. GA is the only way for him, no money at all. I go to gamanon for me, it definitely helps to go together. Safeguard all your money, no joint accounts. Get credit reports too, if he's wanting to stop he will be completely transparent. There may be mood swings and difficult behaviour initially, it's a tough road. Don't feel guilty for having doubts or thinking he will never change. You have to see change and then you will feel better. Don't get complacent though, be on your guard. He will probably not tell you if he wants to gamble. It's a pastime that thrives on secrets and lies. Look after you and your child, keep the finance safe, get support. Good luck! Oh and open all the post, everything!
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