Alone

Hi K888

It will be a hard slog living with a CG. Nothing will change unless he wants to.

Have you thought about going to a GAMANON meeting? Meet and talk to others who have also been affected by partners gambling. They can offer you great advice and support, which you are obviously looking for. Discuss with them the abuse. Is it verbal or physical? Is it likely to become physical?

They will need you to be open about what he is like so they can offer the appropriate advice.

Best wishes

You are not alone.

There are, sadly, quite alot of us who know how this feels, well done for posting and welcome. I think a gam anon meeting is a great idea, it has saved my sanity and there is so much strength and advice there to be shared, there is also the helpline here with gam care that can help you find your feet too.

What you are describing is not something anyone should have to put up with, while he is an actively compulsive gambler he is not going to look after you he is going to spend everything he can get from you and anyone else innocent enough to have funds accessible to him.

Just because its no secret, or you have put up with it for years, doesnt mean it can carry on. any time of any day you are entitled to say enough is enough and start taking steps to protect yourself. Get bank cards and pin numbers changed, stop having cash in the house, identify some hiding places where you can hide things that matter to you if they have any value (I still have things stashed at my Dad's house).

Mr P's temper was terrifying when he was gambling, but not violent, so gam anon helped me with ways of managing to reduce it's effect on me. Since he started going to Gamblers anonymous he has got control of his temper tantrums and understands how much he frightened me when he was yelling and punching the tumble drier and so on, is that the sort of thing your partner does? It had me in tears every night too, scared of him and scared of myself for putting up with it and scared of where it would end up next time.

Money is just money, its gone, its in the past, more will come in the future, money will be ok. What matters here is you, you being a mum, you being your own person, you being happy in your life, which everyone deserves.

You havent done anything wrong, you have been totally normal, but your life incolves a compulsive gambler, so normal goes out the window, you need a new approach, a new way of coping and then you can start to sleep at night again and whatever he gets up to, you can have your own mind and a life doing whats important to you. No one is born knowing how to do this, we all needed some guidance, gam anon meetings is where i got mine. The helpline and counselling are there too.

You are not alone.

Keep talking

Hi.

Your not alone be strong easier said than done.

I'm 25 with two child I have been with my husband for 7 years. He is a very heavy gambler and openly talks about it to but has never been abusive he is not ready to give it up. We first went to the casino for fun then things changed when our little boy died he started borrow more and more money off me until my savings were gone. He gets loans and all sort out under my name as he went bankrupt after losing his shop and his brand new BMW. My daughter has started asking question and i don't know how to answer them. I don't talk to my family as they don't like him for other reasons. As for the DWP I recomend talking to a lawyer/solicitor as I was under investigation.