Yesterday was a very bad day - I was so angry and could not see any way forward. My husband says yet again that he has stopped gambling but I see no signs of this he is in shut down most of the time I feel that I am banging my head against a wall. I know he wont stop unless he wants to and that it will require a lot of effort on his part but the way I feel now I dont bellieve a word he says and cannot believe I am back in the same situation I have been in 4 times before. I have done all I can to protect myself financially but how do you deal with the emotional trauma - eventually the lies and deciet take a greater toll on me than the money situation. I am starting to feel that I will have to remove myself from this toxic situation for the sake of my own sanity and health.
Hi Carrie
Thank you for posting on the forum
I am sorry to hear that yesterday was a very stressful and trying time for you, as you realise things aren't changing. You stated he will stop when he is ready to stop. Whenever he feels ready and would like some help we would be happy to speak with him and support him. He can speak to one of our advisers on Freephone 0808 0820 133.
In the meantime as it's clear you feel the deceit and lies are taking its toll on your sanity and health. I would like to make you aware of our free counselling service for family members who need extra support in dealing with the effects of gambling. If you need a confidential space to speak to someone and feel it would help please contact our helpline and speak to an adviser or use the link http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/free-counselling
Best wishes
Cade
Forum admin
Hi Carrie
As it is my son who is the compulsive gambler the $$ he goes through does not really effect me that much i.e. I am not going to lose my house or retirement due to his gambling. Like you it is the lieing that is so hurtful and toxic. After the addict comes clean they generally want the hurt parties to move on a little quicker than we are able. Most of us have spent years being lied to and manipulated along with many relapses along the way. Those feelings of hurt and distrust do not vanish over night. If you can find a way to step back. Reclaim your life and leave him to his for a bit you can find yourself some peace. We tend to get addicted to the addict, feeling we have to be on high alert and watching every move. You have your finances buttoned down so you are safe in that respect. See if you can pay some attention to yourself. Find a support group (Gam Anon, Gamcare etc) and try to rebuild what you lost while living his addiction.
Take Care
Cathyx
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