Blame and no change.

On the 3rd of September I found out my partner had been gambling again. Multiple payday loans and secret accounts. When confronted he deleted any evidence on his phone and tried to gaslight me into thinking I hadn’t found anything. Lucky I had taken photos as evidence.

for three weeks after that I stayed in our family home with our two children and tried to support him. I asked for him to do multiple things so I felt safe financially and for his own mental health. (He had been saying he didn’t want to live anymore etc).

His parents have been so supportive and tried to help him with all the things asked. However things took a turn for the worse when he took out a bigger loan to pay off the multiple payday loans, although he ended up spending it.

fast forward to where I am now, after the three weeks of trying and getting no where I moved back home with my own parents, I also took the children with me. I explained to them that daddy isn’t well and that he needs help at the moment. 

During these last few weeks all I have had is the blame for breaking our family, blame for isolating him ( although I haven’t, he is surround by people and can have the children whenever he wants, which he has on odd occasions).

He is an amazing dad, very hands on and involved, however over these last few weeks he has been distant and not the person I know. We have been together 13 years and he is horrid at the moment. Everytime we speak he says he has done everything I have asked, but he still hasn’t done a single thing.

He blames me for breaking our family and continue to say I need to come home and move on, but how can I? I have been through this three times with him and this time around I feel detached emotionally. I can’t force him to change and I don’t think I can ever build that trust back? Trust is the foundation to a relationship and that’s gone. He promised he would never do it again and here we are! I don’t want to continue in a relationship where it will happen over and over. I just don’t think my own mental health and well-being can cope with it.