On the 3rd of September I found out my partner had been gambling again. Multiple payday loans and secret accounts. When confronted he deleted any evidence on his phone and tried to gaslight me into thinking I hadn’t found anything. Lucky I had taken photos as evidence.
for three weeks after that I stayed in our family home with our two children and tried to support him. I asked for him to do multiple things so I felt safe financially and for his own mental health. (He had been saying he didn’t want to live anymore etc).
His parents have been so supportive and tried to help him with all the things asked. However things took a turn for the worse when he took out a bigger loan to pay off the multiple payday loans, although he ended up spending it.
fast forward to where I am now, after the three weeks of trying and getting no where I moved back home with my own parents, I also took the children with me. I explained to them that daddy isn’t well and that he needs help at the moment.
During these last few weeks all I have had is the blame for breaking our family, blame for isolating him ( although I haven’t, he is surround by people and can have the children whenever he wants, which he has on odd occasions).
He is an amazing dad, very hands on and involved, however over these last few weeks he has been distant and not the person I know. We have been together 13 years and he is horrid at the moment. Everytime we speak he says he has done everything I have asked, but he still hasn’t done a single thing.
He blames me for breaking our family and continue to say I need to come home and move on, but how can I? I have been through this three times with him and this time around I feel detached emotionally. I can’t force him to change and I don’t think I can ever build that trust back? Trust is the foundation to a relationship and that’s gone. He promised he would never do it again and here we are! I don’t want to continue in a relationship where it will happen over and over. I just don’t think my own mental health and well-being can cope with it.
Im really sorry to hear what u are going through, however the truth is he needs to want to change and should be putting in the effort in to make those changes which sounds like he not doing any of it, the addiction is a tough one has it very difficult addiction have at my height of my addiction i was very similar to your partner i would promise to make these changes however i wasent doing anything to warrent a change since actually finding suppprt and getting myself to Ga i made these change has i realised i needed the support it taken me a long time to realise the addiction is a life long process and i will never be cured however i have managed 502 days without placing a bet, your partner can do it too depending on how much he willing to change, the addiction work on the same principle as an alcoholic drug addiction the difference you can be clean for 1 day or 10 years it makes no difference the only way out from this he needs put all blocks in place and hand over finances, this is realistically the only way it would work i believe it only fair to do this for your own sanity he simply cannot place a small bet as this will only put fuel to the fire, if he prepared to do all this it only then it could work
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