Boyfriend has admitted addiction of 2 years

Hi Glasgowgirl, my 1st thought is to get yourself some help...Ring Gamcare, find a Gamanon meeting, anything you can really to support you! Then you need to figure out the finances, check his credit file (& yours just in case) & put barriers in place to ensure you are protected financially.

Then, if you have any energy left, support him because giving up this beast can be a full time job especially in the early days of recovery! You didn't say if he came clean or you discovered, I hope it's not the latter! Us compulsive gamblers have to want to stop or you will be fighting a losing battle!

I expect some of the othe friends & family will be along soon with some better advice but I just wanted to welcome you to the site! This is a great place to have come!

Look after you - ODAAT

Hi, Glasgowgirl,

The thing with a gambling addiction is that you can't make him stop. He has to want to do whatever it takes and if he can't or won't then you have some hard choices ahead about what you're prepared to put up with in your relationship with him. Don't let him blame you, don't think that you're responsible for what he does. And get help for yourself, you'll need it.

It's all hard work but if he's serious, then he will need help, usually GA and or counselling. It's a permanent commitment, not just until he's cured, no such thing.

Self exclusion from bookies or on line accounts. Permanent, not six months.

re finances, check his credit report and yours to see the extent of the damage. And monitor them regularly. Do not take his word for anything to do with money or finance, rely on what you see in print from banks, creditors etc. Aim for him to have access to a single account that you control, limit the balance in that account to pocket money and you allocate spending from a different account that you control. Close any other accounts in his name that you don't want new loans to be paid into. Draconian but no good comes of him having access to cash or credit.

I'm a big fan of cutting credit at source by old fashioned letters and snail mail. A letter to his bank, credit card company or whoever saying that once he's clear he will never require credit again will block future access if he relapses. Ditto for the on line accounts, I requested all self exclusion by letter. And consider a notice on his credit report saying that he won't want credit even if he later applies.

Get debt advice if you need it but don't take out any credit in your name to pay off his debts. He has to pay off his own debts - consequences.

You can do all of this and block what you can but it's still down to him to choose to stop. If he cooperates, that's probably a good sign but nothing suggested will prevent him if he's actively gambling and determined to carry on.

Hope this helps and isn't too daunting.

CW

I'm having similar problems, but how do I find out the extent of debt and check credit reports? Can I be liable for my partners gambling we have a mortgage together and I'm afraid of what could happen.

Apols Glasgowgirl for answering the above question here...It may be of use to you though: I used Experian to check mine it cost a couple of pounds but I remember Half-life saying she uses Noddle & I just checked with Dr Google & that certainly looks to be a better option! As for the mortgage, if it's not paid I believe you are both equally responsible but give Gamcare a call & they can point you in the right direction for some proper advice! It may be worth starting your own thread as this is somewhere to let off steam & get support!

Be strong everyone & look after yourselves - ODAAT

Great advice from everyone, good luck to you. I came clean to my wife and we are dealing with it, but it's not easy for either of us. Be prepared to find out things you are not going to like, as there will be secrets. It's a horrible thing addiction, its not something that you can heal overnight, it's a lifetime battle

Hi, Sunflower,

Whatever you say to him won't make him gamble or make him not gamble. He controls that, not you.

It's early days for us but I don't feel that my husband fully understands what he's done, either. Am hoping GA will encourage him to realise. In the meantime, he's going to have to put up with it colouring everything until I come to terms with it.

I suggest that at this stage, you tell him what you're thinking. But whatever, follow advice to put yourself first.

C W

Sorry, wrong thread above. re credit, the three agencies are Equifax, Experian and CallCredit, otherwise Noddle. Suggest that you spend £2 each on the statutory credit reports, available by post or on line, for both of you. He will need to cooperate because otherwise you can't obtain his report. On line is instant but involves email addresses, if correspondence comes to his email then it's more difficult for you to see it, I prefer post. You should set any passwords. Noddle do a free monthly update but I find this limited.

Hope this helps,

CW

Stepchange, free debt advice and help, I found them very good.

More important though is that you start prioritising your happiness and your needs.