Daughter

Hi ..and welcome to the forum. .I'm sorry to read your story....sadly if you take a look around here you will see you are not alone....
Firstly ...it's great your daughter has told you about her problem...this will help her emmensly....just to have shared the problem....my advise to you is to also ring the helpline on here ..they will help you help her...and they'll also offer support for you..I'm sure other parents on here will be around later to speak
to you ....it's obviously a lot for you to take on board ....take care

Gamcare offer support to the family member as well. You could give them a ring and see what they offer?

There's also Gam-anon too, that offers support to the family and friends of compulsive gamblers

So sorry distressed mum. I am the mom of a compulsive gambling son. I echo the advise given above. Please ring gamcare for yourself and see if you can find a Gam Anon meeting nearby. You will need some support.

It's difficult being the parent as our first instinct is to get into action to sort this all out for our child. After 10 years of "helping" I can tell you I have probably made things worse. We need to learn how to support without doing for them what they can do for themselves.

Have a read around the forum. While the stories are hard to hear it gives you a true picture of this addiction.

Take Care

Cathyx

Thank you all for your replies....much appreciated. Went to Drs yesterday with her and she was really good with her....didnt judge. Has been started on anti depressants. Just has to tell her partner tomorrow which she of course is dreading. However reading through her email she sent to me and in it she said she had also been drinking and I am now wondering which came first ....The gambling or the drinking. I have told her that I have joined this site and the Dr also recommended that she joind but at the moment she is saying she wont ever gamble again.....Famous last words. But as this is all relatively new disclosure I am just taking baby steps with her and like so many of you have said it has to be their decision............I will keep you all posted.

I'm glad to hear the gp was supportive...
She's a lucky girl to have a mum who's beside her...but that's what us mums do isn't it ..just remember to look after yourself in all this turmoil....
I'm sure she is saying she'll never gamble again...most of us addicts have said that...me included....but it's always best to have saftey measures in place so that it's very difficult if not impossible for her to gamble...
I used parental controls on my broadband to block gambling sites...
Handing over access to cash/accounts. .
I also found the free counselling from gamcare wonderfull...and it defiantly kick started my recovery....
Your very wise taking baby steps ..and each day at a time...
Finances and debts can always be sorted...I think often we focus on the money to much...ok...pc course it's important...but our emotional and mental health is the priority...I hope the weekends chat goes as well as these things can...from my point of veiw as a mum with a daughter who got into strife once ( not gambling)..it's a very hard thing to watch your kids in such distress...
But all we can do is support the best way we can...and I would say your doing a great job..
As a mum who got addicted to slots some years back. ..but hasn't played for over 450 days...we can change things...if we want to....and we work at our recoveries. ...look after yourself..

Hi dm

Have been in your position as a parent and am feeling so much for you and your daughter right now. The good thing is that she is agreeing to help and she really needs yours and the doctor's support right now and hopefully the support of her partner. You hit the nail on the head when you said about the drinking and we found that was actually the catalyst for the gambling and since that has been cut down things seem to have improved. Your daughter and you need to talk to Gamcare to get help and advice with the financial side of things, self excluding from sites, GA meetings etc. I expect she is naturally so worried about telling her partner but she needs to be brave because it has to be done. The worst thing about all of this is the secrecy and once the secret is out a great weight will be lifted off her shoulders and it really is more difficult to gamble. One suggestion I would make is for you or partner to start monitering her finances. She really sounds like she has a lot on her plate with the jobs and the children. I feel so sorry for her and exhaustion can make people do extraordinary things so I hope she gets help with all of that as well. I wish you all luck.

How did the weekend go for you and yours ....hope it went as well as these things can....

Hi There, Just thought I'd give you an update. My daughter has spoken to her partner....which is good as its now all out in the open. She has also been to citizens advice who have handed it over to their debt management team who will hopefully contact her this week. I did unfortunately lose my temper with both her and her partner as I'm struggling to understand why it came to this....as i said I really blame the drinking and he is equally guilty of that. It has been sorted now and I think some of what I said might have gone in. I keep thinking that this will be my last thought before I go to sleep and my first when I wake for the rest of my life....I don't mean to sound sorry for myself thats just the way it is.

Hi dm

Really glad you are keeping in touch on here and you will find it a comfort to keep talking to a few people on here now and again. It is a weight off everyone's shoulders when the secret is out and steps can then be taken for recovery. You are lucky your daughter is now starting to take the right steps towards recovery. In our case drink was a big problem and our gambler admitted that most of the gambling took place after drinking sessions. Also a few harsh words from you will do her no harm because in the end there has to be a certain amount of tough love. It would be good if she could ring the counsellors on here for advice on self exclusion and emotional support. I hope she and her partner support each other through this. As a parent I have found the whole experience quite shocking as this is a problem that few parents expect to have to deal with and an addiction that we know little about. Reading some of the stories on here opens your eyes to the fact that it is all ages and all walks of life. I have lost so much sleep over this but now things are starting to settle down. Things will never be quite the same but if your daughter sticks to a plan with her finances, gets support, stays away from the drink, the gambling, then there is a strong hope that her quality of life and self esteem will improve. I really hope you will all be ok. Keep us posted. Take care.

Hi there, I'm glad u found the site, it has really helped me. It is a massive shock for you and I would really advise you to go to GA as they have lots of advice and also really good info for parents. Whether it is alcohol or gambling, the two are both addictions and come from the same part of the brain so one may have come/influenced the other but at the end of the day it really doesn't matter she is going to have to get both sorted. I have a very close friend who grew up with two parents who were alcoholic, she has been invaluable as although for me my husband is gambling, the traits and hurt etc is all the same. She is able to tell me things from a children's perspective and this is why I believe that you need to focus as much as possible on yourself but also making sure your grandchildren are ok and doing all you can for them. Also from my perspective as wife of a CG, I feel it is important that your daughter's partner knows that he has other family members' support because remember that he will be hurting and as shocked and feeling as out of his depth as you. You will also need to work together on keeping communication open to check up on potential lies/money etc too.

Oh my god. Just stay with her and comfort her. You can past all throught this just be strong and keep moving forward dont let the past drag you all. God bless...