This could be a long one.
Me and my Husband have been together for 21 years. And bought our first house in 2006. My Husband did suffer a tragic bereavement in 2008.
In 2010 I found out that my Husband had been gambling for years. He not only used his money to gamble he also took cards out in my name too and I didn't have a clue. He paid for a PO box so that we wouldn't receive the post through our front door. Anyway he failed to make the payment for the PO box and I finally got a letter through the door from a debtor saying I owed them money. Rung my Husband up at work to say I think they've made a mistake. Next thing I know he's back home and that's when he told me what he had done. He even took the money from our Son's savings account. Our Son was 2 at the time. I took my Son and we stayed with my parents for a couple of months but ended up going back. Both our credit reports were terrible now. My parents helped him out with paying a few of the debts off and we subsequently paid them back. Couple of years later we were happy again and our second child was born. We was only in a small house at the time and needed more space but no where would give us a new mortgage until a few years later when a specialised company did!!
We got the house we could only dream of. It was/is perfect for us and our family. My Husband suffered another two bereavements within a short period of time a couple of years ago. It was so hard. Recently he'd been feeling really low and I asked him if he had issues with money again which he denied. (He got the same way the first time. Being eaten up with worry that I would eventually find out.) A few days ago I find out he had done it again. Slightly different though he had got more CC's out (in his name only) and put money in a cryptocurrency to try and make more money. He lost it. Then he kept trying to chase the losses with more money and gambled in between. He hasn't defaulted on any payments yet but can't continue to make them at the rates they are. The big difference now is our children are slightly older and can see Mummy is upset. My Husband did sit down and explain to the kids that Daddy made a mistake with money and would do all he could to make it right. That broke him. I'm glad it did!! At the moment we are sharing the house but I have a decision to make going forward. Do I leave To? Or to continue to make ends meet we need to consolidate the debt or look into an IVA or remortgage. But all of those options seem to include or effect me which just seems so unfair. I'm filled with so much hate at the moment and putting on a brave face is getting harder and harder. Does it get easier? Will it ever stop? He says he will never do it again. How do I believe that? What was the best avenue for you to go down to get rid of debt?
Hi
Each time I gambled only indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.
Each time I gambled indicated that I was living in fear and was on an adrenaline rush.
The bigger the risk the bigger the buzz the bigger the over powering fears.
I kept going to meetings even when I went back to gambling.
I felt that each time I gambled I was a loser, not so it just indicated that I was still emotionaly vulnerable.
So, once we understand each of our emotional triggers and how we deal with them and how do we understand more about our self and our unhealthy reactions.
People helping me out giving me money just prolonged the pains I was causing myself and my family.
Only once I stop causing my self pain with unhealthy habits could I start to heal the hurt inner child in me.
Regards Dave L
Dear Diamond22,
Welcome to the Forum. I'm happy you are seeking advice and support for your current situation regarding your husband and his gambling. Gambling can greatly impact their loved ones such as yourself and can leave you with many questions and decisions to make, and you don't need to go through this alone.
You can always contact us. We're here on the helpline on 0808 8020 133, our live chat and WhatsApp, 24/7. You can call any time that's good for you to discuss the current situation and how it is impacting you. It may be good for your husband to contact us also and we can have a discussion with him about his gambling and support for it.
You may also want to contact StepChange on 0800 138 1111 or the national debt line on 0808 808 4000 for advice and support regarding the debt and the questions you may have about it.
Kind regards,
Fearghal
Forum Admin
Thanks for sharing. Really affected by your words and hear your struggle. Every addict's situation is different but you have to admit you have a problem and accept that you need help. How much does your husband want to change? What do you want him to do? (e.g. come clean to all family and friends, attend Gamblers Anonymous, seek counselling, download all the prevention software?) It might help for you to communicate your boundaries, what you will and will not accept and see if he is willing to give that a go. He clearly cherishes his family yet the stronghold of addiction has proved too powerful. Addicts lie. You need to see action now, not just empty words and promises.
The Citizens Advice Bureau and an organisation called Turn2Us will give you free and impartial advice in relation to your debts.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
