Hi
A few months ago my then 18 year old son came to me and told me he had no money. He had been paid that day (approx 1.5k) and had gambled the lot in the one day. He spoke to the doctor and a gambling support site who gave him an app to put on his phone so he could not access gambling sites.
I leant him money to be able to get to work and paid 2 of his friends that he owed money to.
I've found since a couple of credit cards in his room. He went out Thursday night and would have been paid after midnight and gambled all his wages again. He's deleted the app from his phone and gambled while in a club with his friends. He said he wants his salary paid to my account so I can budget him. I've paid his friends back and told my son to tell them not to lend him anymore money. He has a payday loan which he's now missed a payment and has 3 credit cards which are maxed.
I know he smokes weed & does C*****e when he's out clubbing so this really doesn't help.
I've suggested GA meetings which he doesn't want to do. Said he'll talk to one person but doesn't want to talk in a group.
I don't want to enable him, although I probably am by paying his friends. He says he wants to get better but not showing any signs of doing anything to help himself yet.
He turned 19 yesterday, didn't want to open his presents as he said he didn't deserve them.
He's depressed and I just want to help him to get better. Any advice will be very appreciated.
Thank you
The best thing you can do is stop all enabling, stop paying his debts and make him responsible for his actions. If he gambles his money and gets into debt you need to leave him to deal with it himself.
Now I understand it’s easier said than done but if there aren’t consequences how does it hit home?
I also hear a lot of people wanting to get better but don’t want to do this or that. To be fair, when I went to GA at his age I was only going to keep my mum happy but I didn’t gamble when I was there, it was only when I stopped going that I started again so it did work. If you do need to pander to him then he can get some one on one counselling through gamcare.
My final bit of advice for now is to get a strong male figure in his life to talk to him. To set some boundaries. Be it his dad or an uncle, someone that will help you enforce the rules so he knows his actions are on him from now on.
Sorry, one final thing. Make him accountable. If he says he wants his wages paid into your account, make sure you know that has been done. If he says he’s done something, make him prove it. One of the side affects of problem gambling is the lies we tell. Sometimes we believe them so much it’s hard to tell the truth from the lies. If he has to back up his words then there’s a chance he’ll be honest.
Good luck with any of that.
Chris.
Hi my 29 year old son had a terrible time with gambling 18-23 ..then he seemed to be managing well..now in the last 3 months he has just blown all his wages. Thankfully most of his bills had been paid . I am gutted for him and us . I see the pain in him ,the despise of himself ..and for me , i have to cover his bills ,i cant not , but i do my best not to do any more . Id hope he'd beaten this addiction but sadly he obviously hasnt. So he ask8ng for me and his brother to help him ,not financially but to go with him to get help .so that is where we are. Its so hard to see them go through it , but its hard on us too. I hope you can find solid ground to work from ..it isnt easy ..
I dont normally post on here (just read) but reading this was as though it was my own mom writing it 10 years ago.
I was identical, losing monthly pay on payday, w**d, c**e etc. For a good 7-8 years that went in cycle. So stressful and silly
I just bought a house now after 10 years of paying wages into my moms account and "living off the 150 week pocket money, saving the rest"
Still gambled bits & bobs and rocky road, but my mom taking control of my money (even now my mrs has took that role) and living off the 30 40 quid drips and drabs every 3 days saved me from god knows what.
That would be my main advice, young lads do what they want, but helping with drip feeding the money instead of boom heres 1400 quid helps.
Gdluck ?
''I've suggested GA meetings which he doesn't want to do. Said he'll talk to one person but doesn't want to talk in a group.''
This stood out. If he won't admit he has a serious enough problem to access whatever help it takes, his behaviour will not change.
I agree with the other posts encouraging him to connect with positive male role models and a charity that deals with gambling addiction in young men. One posted below but quite a few others:
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