Over the years I have had a few relationships brek up and my way of dealing with it was to give the other partner everything and start again.
this background is to explain (not justify) my not wanting to lose another home and start again at the age of 57. Yet I can barely get out of bed, I see no future and I live with a CG.
Apart form the house, which has a hefty mortgage, I lost my business and have a very uncertain future but my partner still gambles.
Echoing what every one else says, it is the lies that are the killer. Look you in the eye, angry responses, plausible all of the different type of lies.
I am her enabler, I have sorted out the finances, sold assets, took out loans borrowed from the company etc etc. I still haven't got the courage to leave.
she is in the last stages of getting the job of her dreams and I cannot see myself destroying this as she is very emotionally dependent and she would not get the job. At least if she gets this I can leave her in the best position possible.
I don't expect sympathy, as there is no excuse for me not to leave apart from an elderly dog which limits some of my options. I am just a coward who has little joy in my life, no children and two parents with dementia.
This is me getting a release as I have just found she is gambling again.
Hi Limacharlie,
Welcome to the forum, and thanks for posting here.
You seem to be a good and reasonable person; a husband who wants to support his wife with a gambling addiction problem. That is also very caring of you.
On the other hand, I’m wondering what steps you’ve taken to make your wife realise how her gambling addiction is impacting on you.
Have you encouraged her to seek help, and did she respond to it? If so, was she willing to do what it takes to become a gamble free person in the near future? Such are some of the things you need to look at.
Perhaps it’ll be advisable for both of you to have a good discussion on how to move on from where you are at the moment, as it doesn’t look healthy.
I do understand and empathise with your concerns about the thought of leaving the relationship at the age of 57 years (where again or, where do I go from here?). It’s important that you thread carefully but, at the same time to keep encouraging your wife to seek professional help.
Just because you’ve experienced past failed relationships shouldn’t stop you from presenting the situation as it is to your wife, and I’m certain you wouldn’t like to stay in such pain for the rest of your life.
Paying all the bills and sorting out your finances by yourself leaves her with no responsibility at all, and that gives her the wrong signal; that it is alright to continue with her gambling.
You must try and make her take responsibility for her actions by making her know exactly how her gambling addiction is adversely impacting on you, and maybe that might change her mind, and also enable her to seek help for her addiction problem.
I think it would be advisable to encourage her to contact us via our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers for some immediate help and support.
We’re open everyday from 8.00am to midnight.
Thanks once again for your post, and please do post as often as you can.
Best wishes,
Beatrice
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