Hi,
I'm new to all this and I'm not sure I even understand I know whats going on! iv just discovered my husband is betting large amounts of money on a daily basis. We are not in debt because of it, but I'm worried
1-he's lying and we are in debt,
2- if we're not it will get to that stage.
I don't even know where I start. I knew he always put bets on various sports but I never had a clue it was daily and of this amount. I don't understand how to bet, or anything about it. it all seems to be online. Im also worried that there are more accounts than I have found. I ofcourse want to support him through, but he doesn't even want to admit there is a problem. without that, what can I do? He says he never bets more than he can afford. Between us we have a high income, but surly that's not the point? I don't want it to escalate to an unmanageable point and I hate that I know he's lying to me.
We have 2 children and I don't want them to be effected by this in anyway.
without going into details, my life has been effected too much already by addictions and iv lost loved ones. im worried this is going to end the same way. My husband thinks because it's not effecting his physical health it's 'nothing to worry about' and 'not the same'.
This has all happened today and I'm totally confused I don't know where to turn. I just want to curl up and cry.
Hi Lucy & welcome to the forum 🙂 I'm so sorry to hear what addiction has already taken from you & wish I had some words of comfort but from what you have written, you know this absolutely is the same & is something to worry about!
Why not pick up the phone & have a chat with GamCare, they will be a friendly ear for your tears & can offer you a wealth of support! Is there a GamAnon meeting near you that you can get to? Other people in your situation may be able to offer comfort & direction. Do you have family members or loved ones you can talk to? You are going to need support here if you are feeling this sad because you have to put a brave face on for your children.
I don't want to scare you or upset you more but this addiction is progressive & harmful & your husband is in denial. You will need to check both of your credit history reports (to see if you are already in debt to know where you stand) then figure out how to best protect you & your children because you are absolutely right, left unchecked it doesn't matter where you are now financially, it will deteriorate.
This is obviously a huge shock & will take you time to process but you will have to decide what you can tolerate & draw boundaries. It's going to sound crazy but you need to figure out a way to take care of you - ODAAT
Thankyou for taking the time to comment. I have changed my online banking passwords and I think I will open a new account which he will not know of. The children have savings but we cannot access them until they are 18, so that can't be touched.
Im still in shock at what I found and almost feel I have been cheated on. We are so close in every way so for him to keep this from me proves there is a problem. Im not ready to give up on him yet but...
Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice, Shame on you.
Im strong enough to know when enough is enough and walk away to protect me and our children.
Im sure this won't be the last time I look for support, thanks again for taking the time to reply 🙂
Hi, Lucy,
My sympathies, it's horrible. All I wanted to do at the beginning was cry or go to sleep.
ODAAT and HL have already given you sound advice. I think that you need two key things to cope: targeted support for you and accurate information about the addiction. I had neither first time round, which is why this is second time round.
There are a lot of stories on the forum, both sides, read as much as you can, particularly about the CG behaviour. If you can recognise when the addiction is talking to you rather than him, you will know that it's the addiction talking instead of believing it. The helpline is a phone call away and if you can get a babysitter and get to GamAnon meetings, it would be worth the effort. Their literature is very good. If GC offer counselling, take it up. Get as much support from as many places as possible.
I told whoever needed to know, he didn't like it but this is an addiction that thrives on secrecy. I told my children but they're a bit older. The school may need to know to help support the children? His family and yours need to know, as does anyone else who might be seen as a source of cash. It can happen that a lot of family members or friends actually do know but are all persuaded to keep quiet to protect you or each other. And I told a few friends to get support for me. Apart from all that lot, there's no need to denounce him on social media!
I would echo the advice re credit reports, get in your name and his from all three credit reference agencies. You can't trust him in financial terms, don't rely on what he says, rely on what's in bank statements, credit reports and other financial documents. And my experience was that financial secrecy from him equalled continued gambling.
It can get overwhelming, look after yourself.
CW
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