Removing husband from house

Sorry, Katie, no, the names on the mortgage and the names on the title have to match. Can you find a less advantageous deal and remortgage as early as possible? Or is it worth paying a financial advisor or mortgage broker to look on your behalf?

How is the rest of it going?

CW

Hi CW,

I am going through a broker. It isn't the best deal available. I can't quite believe that I'm divorcing him to secure a financial future for my girls and me and he still holds me back. I have to be able to prove I have a mortgage offer to get the court to take the house on by myself. He is happy to give it to me, I can afford it but they still say we are financially linked.

The rest of it is still so hard. Girls are suffering. I still struggle with getting my head around it all. It's just one hurdle after another.

Hi, Katie,

Perhaps pass the buck back to the brokers? I know times are hard but there are a lot of products out there, are all the lenders in the market really saying that you're financially linked? Might it be worth some on-line research yourself? Can your Solicitor advise you? Or possibly your Union?

Sorry that it's all so hard. Everyone suffers, you're doing what you have to as best you can, that's all you can do.

Take care,

CW

Hi, Katie,

Thanks for your post. I don't know why you think you're not qualified to post, after your experiences, but I can understand why you may not want to.

How are you? I know you said sad and lonely, by which I gather you're missing him but are things more settled at least and are your daughters managing? Did you find a mortgage product?

Take care,

CW

Hi CW,

I got a mortgage offer today so feeling relieved.

The thing I struggle with is the guilt. Which may seem weird but as you know I basically said enough is enough back in August when he added thousands to his debt and stole from me. But I keep coming back to this as an illness. Would I have said that's enough if he had a physical illness? Of course not. I still feel like I abandoned him. Yes I gave him every support I could but in the end I gave up. My girls are okay ish, thanks for asking.

I'm glad things are slowly improving for you.

Hi, Katie,

Great that you have a mortgage offer!!!

re guilt, isn't it some sort of female ingrained response, to feel guilty? You gave it your best shot to encourage him to get help and when he wouldn't, you had to protect yourself and your daughters from being dragged down.

Remember the three Cs: you didn't Cause it, you can't Cure it, you can't Control it. Illness? Yes but it's progressive, unchecked, the behaviour gets worse, the dishonesty increases. We've both seen that. And to whatever extent it is or even isn't an illness, the final choice between recovery and continued gambling lies firmly at the CG's door. No one else can make that choice.

I hesitate to post this as I'm not sure if I'm making you feel better or worse, but the glimmers of hope/ improvements in my situation are down to my husband's choices, he does want to stay gf and married to me. I might have pushed quite hard, I can't cope with any more addict / dry addict behaviour, I needed his addict thinking to change in order to stay together but whatever I do or however I push, I can't "make" him think or do anything, it's down to him. I was and still am prepared to separate if things hadn't changed. But for the time being, there's less self pity and projected blame, so we'll see. It's really hard work all round and still all very fragile, I don't trust him. Nothing's easy,

Take care of yourself,

CW