He's finally admitted it - what now?

Call me a syncic but the bookies close at 10pm! I hope I'm wrong but his behaviour is where I was at a few years back when my family discovered my addiction. I was angry with everyone for putting barriers in place. I felt they should trust me. I felt I had learned my lesson and could gamble responsibly. I still wanted and needed to gamble. It took me a long long term to finally change my mindset. And my recovery has finally came. I'm NOT angry at my loved ones. I'm grateful to them for saving me and I'm humble at them standing by me. I say all this about my blood family. My oh was actually awful. He bullied and berated me for years blaming my gambling as the cause. He couldn't forgive me and instead made my life hell. It's heartening to know that u r standing by him x

Dealt with secret by just telling him that both of us had read it. Will suggest the loo as a home for orange book, he's a real man in that respect. That wasn't too bad, problem came when I wasn't sure about the card games, which we do play as a family at the weekend. His downfall isn't bookies or cards - yet...don't want him to change direction. Avoided cards to avoid doubt but not popular, lead to tension.

Surreal how normal today was...he's not exact humble or apologetic, what he's done has just been brushed under the carpet. Am hoping for a change of attitude fairly soon.

NNNS, thanks for posting but I do wonder if you're putting the blame for your gambling and the resulting problems on your OH? It is a noted pattern of addictive behaviour and you will have hurt him more than you like to think about. If your relationship is too damaged for him to forgive you then that's v sad but possibly it's a consequence of your actions. Nothing about these harsh words should stop you from focusing on your recovery, that's still a priority and I wish you well.

Best,

CW

N

I know exactly what your saying about blaming others but iv honestly gone way way past that. I did used to do that in the early part of my addiction. I fully accept responsibility for the destruction I caused. But I have also learned that this addiction is an illness, and although we do not by any means deserve praise, nor do we deserve to be punished for it for the rest of our lives when we are doing the best we can to recover. Maybe it's different for an active gambler but if u love someone u don't punish them on a daily basis. U don't tell them they are s**m, worthless, ugly, dregs of the earth etc etc. U don't tell them they are better off dead. And u don't tell them that noone cares or loves them. Iv lived through that for many years and little wonder I kept returning to it. Yes

Yes, I gambled. Yes it was my fault. But if you can't forgive somebody u walk away. U don't bully them for the rest of their life! X

Having to question your own sanity is the worst! Trust your instincts.

My CG did the same to me after I had my son and I genuinely thought I had some sort of post natal imbalance but I was bang on the mark all along 🙁

For me, it was seeing my son's bank statements that made the difference. My daughter is critical that I didn't push harder last time but I suspected, I didn't know, I had no proof that he was still at it and he had me convinced that he would divorce me if I ever opened a letter addressed to him again. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

This time, seeing the proof meant that I knew that he was lying, I felt that I had permission to do what needed to be done, to issue the ultimatum and to follow it through. The fault was his, not mine.

Easier for me when the kids are a bit older and they understand, harder for you to be on your own with small children. Although you must have been on your own anyway, addicts aren't usually much emotional help.

Take care,

CW

Hi, you posted on my thread this week, i felt quite hurt by it, but you are as everyone is entitled to a view on everyone's story. I firstly, wanted to offer my support to you in what must be a tough situation for you at the moment. You think you know someone for a long time and pow ........ so i just wanted to say, i hope the two of you can work it out; also wanted to say you have been posting on lots of threads, which i think is a top thing to do, bearing in mind the pressure you are under at home. I hope you manage to have a reasonable week-end. - Paul

hi cw, i have to say thank-you to you, you are always there prodding my thought process whenever i relapse, to be fair i don't deserve a post from anyone, i deserve to be honestly locked away for my indiscretions for a long time. I am struggling as you can see, and you didn't beat me round the head, it was a fair kind post. thank-you