Hi all
Busted my hubby on 3 September by pure accident. He had gambled at least £13000 in the last year and whilst I knew there was something not right with him I didn't know what it was. He just kept borrowing more and more from his parents to the tune of £12000 without me knowing. So anyway he has stopped 'gambling' but is now using ebay to get his kicks. He had 8 parcels delivered in the last 2 days - they all cost just a tenner here and a tenner there but hes over £1000 overdrawn again. The other day he turned up with 3 surf boards claiming that they cost him £15 and that he would treble his money. I checked on his bank account (he had temporarily had his cards back although I've got them again now) and he'd drawn out £90. He continued lying to my face -even saying that the £90 was in his locker at work - in the 4 years he's worked there he has never once mentioned a locker and it was a complete figment of his imagination. Eventually he admitted that they had cost more. And this is basically an everyday occurence still - he cannot stop himself lying about money. After a row last week (he wanted his cards back again but I refused) he started packing again and blocked me on his ebay, paypal, facebook, and bank accounts. I know he has started borrowing from a colleague again as he let slip that he owed someone some money - last year he borrowed £1000 from a colleague without my knowledge but did pay it back.
He has started seeing a counsellor which is great but it doesn't seem to have made a dent in his behaviour yet. I am going to ring his counsellor tomorrow and tell her what is going on.
Whilst he isn't 'gambling' proeprly I do believe that what he is doing with ebay is gambling.
So the latest is that his anger is getting worse and whenever he asks for his cards he turns very nasty. He calls me names every other day and just keeps getting angrier. Yesterday he wanted his card for some nonsensical reason and I refused but said he could use mine. After a short while he was swearing and shouting at me and when he realised I was recording the verbal abuse he pinned me down with his knees and forcibly took my phone from me. Just an hour previously we had been snuggled up in bed laughing and cuddling.
My question is where do I draw the line? I want to support my husband who I adore and who is obviously very mentally unwell at the moment but I also don't deserve the treatment I am getting. What if next time the children are around? What if next time he hits me as well as holds me down? He still hasn't given me my phone back as he says that it is in his name and he pays for it. When will he start to get better?
Sxx
Hi Shanie37
You have given here a detailed account of your husband's behaviour since you have discovered the extent of his gambling. It is good that he has been able to access the support of a counsellor and I understand that you want to support him but from what you describe in your post your husband is being abusive towards you. You say you adore him and want to help but that does not mean that you should put up with abusive behaviour from him either physical or verbal. You also mention that you have children and you should ensure that their safety and well being as well as your own is your priority.
You are being put in a vulnerable state which perhaps leads you to avoid facing what is really happening between you two. It is quite clear that your husband has a gambling addiction and you need to protect yourself before you can help him.
You can contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 200 0247 for advice and support on the situation http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk
It may be helpful for you to see a counsellor yourself and talk things through so you can become clearer about the situation.
GamCare also offers free counselling sessions to those affected by others gambling. You can contact the GamCare advisers on 0808 8020 133 for advice and emotional support and to explore the option of counselling. We're open from 8am until midnight, 7 days a week. Alternatively, you can use the Netline to connect to an advisor: http://secure.gamcare.org.uk/netline
Best wishes
Forum Admin.
When will he start to get better?
No simple answer for that. My suggestion would be to read some diaries in the other section to get some perspective
Gambling is rarely just about placing a bet as your finding out. At worst its an addiction that wrecks lives and hearts
I've done counselling in my time and I attend Gamblers anonymous on a weekly basis. Is this something he might do?
Whatever you do keep sharing with others. There is a lot of help out there so why not start with speaking to gamcare as Forum Admin suggests?
Tri
His getting angry because his doing something he shouldn't I know I'm a compulsive gambler and that's how I use to get when I just gambled and people are questioning me after there suspiciousness
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