How could I mean so little?

Hi anononon it's really tough to read your story and not comment. What does your counsellor say? You seem to be constantly looking back. We have to take responsibility for our actions. I chose a compulsive gambler. I chose someone who doesn't give 100%. I accepted bad behaviour. I gave him money. I chose to stay. Gambling and love are completely separate. You bailed her out because you wanted her to love you. In the meantime accepting her behaviour as normal. You can't fix someone. The only person you can change is yourself. Only look forward. Work on yourself so you don't repeat the same behaviour. The karpman triangle is worth looking at. Stop thinking about what she's doing, who cares? This is holding you back from recovering. As a gambler in recovery takes one day at a time and tries to stop thinking about gambling, that's what you need to do regarding her. Stop trying to find out what she's up to, who she's with, if she's still gambling. Deal with the legal side of the debt and move forward. Look at this as something to learn from. Stop accepting people treating you like this. People treat you how you let them. It's very easy to accept unhealthy relationships when you don't start from a healthy place. Concentrate on yourself, get strong, improve your self esteem. Do anything that makes you feel better and stop letting her control how you feel. Ask yourself why do you want to be with someone who treats you like that? You want to be with a person who loves you for who you are. You won't find that until you like who you are. Can you find a Coda meeting? Honestly your priority is yourself.

Hello again Merry Go Round,

I did look into CoDa, but unfortunately I live in the sticks and there isn't one even relatively close by, which is a real shame.

I think you have nailed it in your assessment in that I have stopped looking forwards and focused on the past again.. I can't explain why. I was doing really well with counselling, working on affirmations, breathing and control exercises for when the anxiety hits etc and was able to start moving forward again. It's weird... Because In my head I don't want this relationship anymore, I want so badly to be free of it and to carry on, finding that person that I can care about, and they can for me too in earnest (hopefully sooner rather than later I might add..), yet somehow my heart still seems fixated on it, and it's like a rubber band that keeps pinging back, only this time, it came very close to snapping completely, just not in the way I kind of need it to so I can break that connection.

I don't know what the answer is, as although still suffering very much with this, I am also very confused and just can't seem to shake this off again. I have another therapy session tonight, so I am hoping to be able to discuss this and maybe find some answers.

Thank you for your response, It really is greatly appreciated.

So it's been a little while since my last post. Reason behind this is I actually disappeared over to the USA to escape and see family which I am eternally grateful for.

Whilst I was over there, I actually attended a couple of gam-anon meets and a mixed ga/gam-anon session too. Each one was different each time and I can see how they would be useful. 

The trip as a whole was a huge success for the most part, to the point that it inspired me to Tey and get in touch with whoever I need to to try and start a gam-anon group local to my area, as there simply isn't anything like it. On top of that, I am now on the gambling warpath, and have discovered that us brits are constantly bombarded with the temptation to gamble, whether it be through bingo commercials in day time tv, bookies ads on sports (live odds at half time?? That was news to me!!) and even being hit with ads for the slots in social media.

I very desperately want to change this, and I view it the same way as tobacco and alcohol. It shouldn't be advertised. Cigarette ads have been gone years, and I feel alcohol ads have been wound back to a degree, but I feel these are the holy trinity in terms of addiction advertising. I don't know where to start... I was going to try and get in touch with my local MP but again, I'm open to ideas!! 

However, not to sound like a petulant child, this trip has been a bit double edged. It gave me the chance to rest, and recoup to a point, but it was only running away temporarily, and now I'm back.. It sucks. 

My ex is ignoring all contact from the solicitors with regards to the property... So it looks as if it is going to end up in court.. Happy days.. 

It's my birthday today, and instead of feeling jubilant and relaxed after a lovely break, I feel lonelier than ever.. Which again I feel is unfair because I have friends and family around me who are amazing, but it's not the same. 

I'm so very sick of this spiral, building up to fall back down, rinse and repeat. When does it end? When do I get to move on? 

This sounds very whiney again, I know, and I apologise... It's just very hard. I miss the little moments, back when I was ignorant and on the surface of things, it was happy. When my own head wasn't so messed up and I didn't have anxiety and this constant feeling of nausea and could even take a deep breath properly! Everything is still on its head, and it isn't getting any better. 

I am worrying about my home now too, because again, even after managing to scrape the fubds together, if this ends up in court it could all be for naught. Not only that but I'm on a time limit, and once I hit the end of next month, the current interest rate rises and I simply can't afford my payments.

This whole situation sucks. I've just had it up to here with there always being something else going wrong, waiting to trip me up... 

It's like the talk on an aeroplane, put your oxygen mask on first. Stop getting distracted. Gambling is a choice, there are many other organisations trying to stop ads. You need to work on you and sorting the finances. Setting up a gamanon group is hard work. Any 12 step meeting or coda(codependent) will help you. There is always online. 

Thanks merry-go-round, 

I have signed up for Coda on a forum I think? But it doesn't look terribly active so I don't know how useful it will be. Can only try rigtt? 

Things haven't really changed.. Still getting blindsided by the anxiety attacks for no reason, and although am having a slightly better day (I can eat! Huzzah!) I still feel as if there is something building beneath the surface.. And honestly... I'm just oh so tired of all of this. 

Thank you to everyone who has reached out, you have no idea how much it means to me, and how comforting it has been to know that there are people out there who just give a d**n for the sole reason of caring.

I hope things start to pick up soon, I really do, as I honestly don't know what to do if things stay like this, it's exhausting...