He has gone about 4 months without gambling. I have control of all his money in my bank account.
However he has been doing some work on his friends house and I know his friend has paid him for the work he's done into his bank account. He has been acting suspicious and I am ashamed to say I checked his bank. He had £400 out into his bank from his friend. He went straight to the bookies and blew the lot. We were counting on this money for other things. He will be so angry at me for checking his bank. But I can't believe he has done this again. How do I let him know that I know what he's been doing without being truthful? He rang me an hour ago asking me if I had looked at his phone as when he's opened his email app, it wasn't where he left it. I am the reason for this but I denied it 🙁 I got so scared he would shout at me.
i told him I had been feeling insecure and he is doing everything he can to reassure me but it's all just one big lie. He has had another relapse. Usually when I find out about his gambling he turns nasty towards me. This is what I can't handle. We are getting married soon, I don't know what to do. Please help, I'm feeling really scared. I thought things were good
Hi Emma, I just wanted to send you a big hug, this addication is awful awful, it's impossible to control compulsive gambling, I know as I am one, and I hate myself for what I have become in ten years. Fortunately for me no-one depends on me for money, thought the kids inheritence later in life is stuffed. I could go on, but I just wanted to send a hug for someone who is scared.
Hi Emma, no time to reply properly but this post has really shaken me...Why on earth would you be planning to marry someone you cannot trust, let alone someone who scares you?
Call the helpline, speak to your loved ones...You've both been dishonest but you cannot life this life of fear you are in now!
It's his fault Emma not yours. Compulsive gamblers will blame everything and anyone but themselves when actively caught up in the addiction, I know this as I am one myself. Fear shouldn't play any part in a loving relationship either so you may need to think about that too. Maybe confide in a mutual friend or family member and let them know what is happening. Ask them to be there with you when you confront him. Beware of all the lies and manipulation to follow.
All the best
Hi Emma,
you have had some excellent advice so far. I would agree with previous posters, the fact that you are scared of being shouted at and being treeted in a nasty way does not sound good at all.
Please feel free to call our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or the Netline here to speak to an adviser and get some one-to-one support and advice.
Please make sure you look after yourself and that you keep safe.
All the best,
Eva
Forum Admin
Emma
I feel for both of you and would like to offer some support. He has got a real problem here and is obviously in denial and at the moment it sounds like he is not ready to confront it. I feel for you because you are taking this on your shoulders and bearing the brunt of his anger. This is what the addiction does, it makes them frustrated, angry and totally selfish as to other peoples feelings. First of all, think very carefully about committing to him at the moment especially as he is scaring you. There is no shame or embarrassment to be had in calling off/postponing a wedding for the sake of your own wellbeing and future. Try and talk to your family/his family and get some support from them as well, it is so hard to handle this on your own. Try and look after your own finances and easier said than done, but try not to bail him out of debts. The problem is being when they are given a wad of money they will try and hide it from you and the secrecy is always what enables them to gamble more. By all means offer him help and support in getting help to beat his problem but if he flatly refuses and becomes abusive just think very carefully about your future with him. Stay on here talking to Gamcare and get losts of info on the problem and try to listen to advice given. I really hope he turns his life around eventually as so many young gamblers are basically good hardworkers who have been led astray by the ease of trying to make quick money and as a parent it is heartbreaking to watch. Take care.
Hi Emma
Sorry to see how you're feeling. All I can say is if my daughter came to me with your story I would be telling her to think very very carefully before making a commitment to this man. He gambles, he lies and he gets angry enough to scare you and that's all before you're married. Read through your post again. Things really aren't good.
Hi Emma I hope you're ok. are you scared of him or the money he's lost? I agree with what everyone has said. You need to decide what you want, don't even think about him. From my experience the anger us when they've lost big or are near being found out. He will know that you are expecting that money to pay for stuff. He is waiting to be found out. If you continue with this relationship there needs to be honesty. Don't ever trust a compulsive gambler especially if they are still playing the game. This is not your fault, I have searched and snooped but I always confront him. Just think about yourself.
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