How do partners cope?

Hi Hdodd and welcome.

Sorry to hear about your situation and I know how hard and heartbreaking it is. I would advise you, as others did me, to separate all your finances. Also, does he admit he has a problem? Do you have any family members (his/yours) you could talk to? Would he consider going into the Casino and banning himself?

Sorry this is a short one, just wanted to say hi and let you know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Sara

A CG can and will justify their gambling any which way they can. It all makes sense in their minds and if they don't want to give up they won't. Your choices lie with what you're prepared to tolerate.

I'm not really following why you have online accounts if you're 'not a gambler' and especially not seeing why he's allowed to use them. The addiction will exploit any outlet in search of the hit. Maybe you could consider drawing your first line in the sand right there?

Hi - not a partner but a parent of gambler speaking. But we have all been involved in the same story as yours, not so much casinos but online gambling. I feel for you so much as you obviously love him and are trying to stick by him. The good thing is that he seems to be willing to discuss with you how he is feeling and willing to tell you why he hits the casinos. A lot of partners will not even do that. The trouble with this problem and this was our case too - and our gambler admitted this and has now cut down drastically - the drinking fuels the desire to gamble. It is a vicious circle - they drink - they gamble - then they drink to comfort themselves when they lose or drink to celebrate a win - and then the gambling starts all ove again. Maybe you can sit him down and persuade him to think about the alcohol side of things first of all and try and make him see how it is all connected. He also has a lot to lose if you are planning for a new house and he needs to decide whether he wants to carry on losing money or coming to his senses and use that money for a good and happy future with you, a good question to ask him maybe?.I Effectively he has to choose between you and the gambling in the end and that may make him think harder about things. It really is a case of you being really firm but kind. In our case we started monitering finances so it made it harder for them to gamble and that really does work. Self exclusion was important as well and you can do this with casinos.If you have been bailing him out perhaps now is the time for some tough love and stop. Before all that he needs to admit to you he has a problem and wants help. If you build on the talk you had about the casinos it sounds like he may well start listening to you. Also you need to look after yourself and if he is adamant about carrying on then think carefully about yourself and your own future. The financial impact of long term gambling can be awful and I can vouch for this. It is always a good idea to ring Gamcare and talk to one of their advisors. They will give you some moral support and practical advice on how to get counselling and where to go to get financial advice etc. You will feel better for talking to them. This is a horrible thing to tackle on your own and if you have a close family member or friend you can trust please talk to them. I also feel sorry for your partner because he he and others like him are being tempted so easily to gamble (you can t get away from adverts on the sports channel) and he will probably be worrying himself sick about the mess he has got himself into but is probably bottling it all up. I hope he sorts himself out and will keep fingers crossed you finally get the new home! I can tell you that we did a lot of the above and it worked and life is brighter all round now. Good luck.

Hi,

My boyfriend has been gambling for a few years now off and on. I knew this when i got with him and i encoureged him to get help and to download a software on his laptop to stop online gambling. It is tough being with someone who is a gambler but be strong and dont back down from this. He needs to admit he has a problem and to be the one to seek help. There is only so much you can do. I would suggest getting him to read some of the stories on here and for you to talk to him about it in more depth.

All the best,

Courtney

Hi everyone,

Finding this thread really useful and I'm so glad some CG's have taken their time to give insight.

Bit new to this so bear with me. My partner is an addict, I thought we'd cracked it and to my knowledge he'd gone 2 years no gambling after us both having fave to face counseling as individuals.... Found out yesterday that unfortunately that's not been the case.

He's had issues with gambling before he met me but seemed to have it under control. After being together 5 years he had a car accident and spent 10 months in hospital, and has life changing injuries which is why I have alot of empathy with him and feel like his addiction is trigger based.

When I sat down with him yesterday, this occasion stems from being back in hospital last year and he has rocked up 13k worth of debt as well as spending our wedding savings yesterday as well as his wages so the mortgage & bills are on me this month. He's gone to the extent of trading in the penny jar, exchanging euro I had left over from my holiday to feed his habit in the hopes he can get himself out of it.

I'm stuck in a massive dilemma; I love him so much but over the past 7 years we've been together I have sacrificed so much of myself. When we first moved in together he was still at uni so I took the financial hit, I've supported the last 3 years he has been in hospital or at hospital twice a week in physio rehab and never begrudged him of our life changing - just glad he is alive and still has a life. With gambling I feel like he's taking all that away for himself, I don't want that for him.

The person I know is kind, caring but then I sit & reflect wondering that even after 7 years do I really know him at all. He's never been good at communicating his feels (I'm quite the opposite) so I struggle with it. Am I that unapproachable? I've asked throughout his secret 10 month gambling stint if he's even thought about it, so has his mum dad and best friend & he's said not even a twitch. I understand the lies that underpin it but my fear is that each time it's like he learns to be more secretive with it, more deceptive & find more creative ways to get money because 'this time it felt different'

He has said he needs help & I will support him emotionally but I'm being strong focusing on the fact it has to come through him. He has to tell me what he needs, not me telling him he needs support. He's booked back in with the face to face counseling on Monday so has already taken the first step which is positive.... But I still can't get the picture of what my future looks like if this cycle continues because it's not a healthy one.

Hi hurts allot if you start a new thread you will get more response and help. Go to bottom of f&f page, box should say new topic. In the meantime call gamcare for yourself. You have your path to follow learning how to deal with this. There are many places to get help and advice. Learn about addiction. I go to gamanon, my cg goes to GA. Realistically you have to change too, stop taking the financial hit. The more you pay the more they play!

Hi Hurtsallot and welcome to the forum :))

As MGR said above if you start your own thread you'll have much more feedback from other members but until then I'll post here .

I'm the otherside of the fence in that I'm a Comulsive Gambler although I've not had a bet in 2 years .

All I can say is that if you continue to give him access to any sort of funds or keep bailing him out he will continue to gamble , unless of course your sure he's stopped ? .

As I've said I'm the Cg and while I was activly addicted I would have done anything to get my hands on the neccessary funds to keep feeding my habit and I really wouldn't have thought twice about it either .

I'm thinking that his Gambling addiction is something to do with the car accident / recovery and his ongoing life change injury's although youv'e said he'd gambled before this it could now be about feeling in control of something ( although that's the last thing he is ) but he could feel it's a way of providing extra income or the ability to buy thing's with the money he could possibly win ? , this is the way a CG's mind works alway's looking for justification for that next bet , I convinced myself for many years that everything I did was to better my way of life and for my family but obviously I was doing the polar opposite .

You need to start looking after you and making sure your protected from any further damage until you know that he's genuine and being totally transparent with you .

I'm sure we'll talk again but until then I wish you well :))

Thanks guys will start my own thread & appreciate you taking the time to speak with me