I have a partner that has been gambling for almost 5 yrs now..and has never stopped. I knew of this early.on.. but what I didn't know was how much was already spent.. and it's so big that he has wasted his lifelong savings. He has borrowed from a lot of people and still owes them. I know we shouldn't be helping them to pay off the debts, but these are people from his work. So I had to help to a point that I too is in debt now. I still want to support him..but I don't know how long more. I don't want to abandon him.since I am the only one keeping him from harming himself and his family is not supporting him and has abandoned him. I myself am tired of thinking everyday if he has done it again and that if we need to pay his colleagues again to save his face and job. We are separated physically bec he has to move out of the country to get better job. So I really cannot be with him to monitor. We have installed gamban in all his devices but that could only do so much since he could just reformat it. I handle his bank accts but even if he has no money, he could still gamble bec he would borrow from his coworkers..and then end up we need to pay them. It's a never ending cycle and I don't know how long more I can take. I am tired of all the lies and feeling anxious all the time. He always tells me he will hurt himself if I don't allow him to play or help him pay. I have been asking him to seek medical help but we are still trying to find a place.
Sorry this is quite long. Just need some encouragement that this will get better. Thank you.
Hello AGD
Thank you for sharing this.
I can hear the financial and emotional impact your partner’s gambling is having on both of you and how exhausted and worried you are. It can be really hard to know what to do when you’re caught up in a cycle with gambling and it feels like there’s no way to break it. It sounds particularly hard to have put so much in place to help your partner but to still feel it’s not enough – especially as you’re not in the same country. But there is support available for you and this is a safe space to share how you’re feeling.
Here at GamCare, we offer one to one support for family and friends and you can find out more about this by contacting our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or through our live chat. We can offer you a chance to talk openly about how your partner’s gambling is impacting on you and explore other ways to help yourself and him.
I can’t imagine how it feels when your partner tells you he will hurt himself if you don’t let him play or help him out financially. If you would like to talk about the impact this is having on you, there are organisations that support people going through such experiences. You’re not on your own, no matter how isolating this may feel. Samaritans might also be able to point you in the right direction for support for your partner in the country he is living in at the moment.
I hope you can continue sharing your story and find support with our online community.
All the best
Claire
Forum Admin
So sorry to hear you are going through this. Unfortunately it seems your partner does not want to give up yet, no matter the cost. He is also abusing you emotionally by saying he will harm himself. He’s manipulating you to allow him to continue living the way he wants to live. I think you need a proper chat with him. Relationships should be about both of you. He is only thinking of himself. I know this, as I was that person. It cost me my marriage.
I think you need to have a good chat and lay it in the line. Gambling goes, or you go. If he’s serious about you he will allow full access to everything and you will have to take charge. If not, time to say goodbye until he can sort himself out. Threatening to harm himself to make you stay will only continue and you will get further and further into a hate filled relationship with more debt. Don’t let him manipulate you anymore. You deserve better for you and the kids.
He can heal, I’ve managed 8 months gamble free, and I’m a much better person for it. It just needs full commitment from him.
Good luck. Keep us posted. There is loads of good advice on here for people in your, and your partners situation.
Stay strong 💪
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