Long story short, my then boyfriend ended up declaring himself bankrupt about 5/6 years ago due to gambling. We split up at the time but got back together. I thought everything was going well but in the last few months he has been gambling again and worse than ever as he has lost his job because of it. We got married earlier on this year and have been trying for a family. I'm so angry and upset that we had everything/were in a really good place and now this has happened. He has admitted he has a problem and needs help, and says he'll go to meetings. From experience, are meetings something I should go along to with him or is it best he does that on his own? If he goes on his own, how do I provide support at home for him to be able to keep helping and to help us move forward in the right way?
Good Evening Anonymous L,
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Thankyou for sharing your story on the forum today.Â
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It sounds like you are being very supportive of your partner with this. I can appreciate how difficult this must be for you also.
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If you haven't already, it may be worth giving us a call on 0808 8020 133 or coming through on our live chat. We can talk through some next steps for both you and your partner to make sure both of you are supported through this. We can also chat about groups like you have mentioned and the best way you can be supportive of your partner.
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It is also really important that you also reach out and get some support though as this can be such a tough thing to go through as an affected other. Please do reach out to us on our helpline and we will be more than happy to go through this with you.
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Regards
George
Forum Admin
Hi Anonymous L
Welcome to the forum. There are lots of people here who can relate to your situation.
I've never been involved in attending GA meetings so can't really advise but many others on here have so should be able to help you.Â
Regarding supporting at home, some people find it helps if partners take total control of finances so that your husband has no access at all to money. He can also put blocks in place such as downloading blocking software if he gambles online or excluding from betting shops.
Look after your own wellbeing. Living with a gambling addict can be very tough on loved ones. The advisers here can be a good source of help for you too.Â
Take care.
J
@anonymous-l As a general rule, most GA groups will be okay with you attending the first meeting with your husband, but after that it’s him only.
There are some exceptions to this. GA have open meetings which are normally held when someone is celebrating an anniversary off a bet. We call them pinings. Partners or supporters of the gambler can attend those.
Some GA groups have a meeting that runs alongside the GA meeting for partners/supporters, called Gam-Anon, and it is there to help you as you are living with the mess too and to help you understand a little of what the gambler goes through.
You can check with his meeting or Google Gam Anon to find out which groups have meetings as not all of them do.
As far as supporting him, we suggest that the gambler gives up their access to money for the short term. No money, no gambling. This isn’t about control but more just having the only access to money. We’d suggest his wages are paid to you and together sit down and go through the weekly/monthly bills. The gambler should only have the money he needs and should provide a receipt afterwards. This isn’t for ever, although some gamblers like this as it takes away the stress and pressure of having access to money.
That might help for now.
Chris.
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