How to live with and love the stranger he's become

Thank you both so much for your responses. I'm done with him. Blocking him totally out of my life.

Hi all, I am also new to this forum. I've been married for 39 years to a compulsive gambler, I knew when I married him what he was like - we opened a joint bank account when we got engaged and money kept disappearing from it. He swore blind it wasn't him and that it must be a bank error and watched me walk into the bank to complain, only to be told that he had been cashing counter cheques. That was over 40 years ago, stupidly I forgave him and married him, even though deep down I knew I was doing the wrong thing. Over the years he has crushed me with his lies and deceit, in between periods of not gambling, or at least not that I found out about. He would lure me into trusting him, only for me to then get threatening calls from debt collectors when he hadn't repaid loans that I knew nothing about. Having a child didn't make him face up to his responsibilities, far from it, he would gamble a whole month's wages and then tell me his wallet had been stolen. In the past he has handed his bank and building society cards to me and asked me to take control of the finances so that he hasn't got access to money, but has then gone and got credit cards behind my back and run up huge debts by withdrawing cash on them for gambling. I lost count of how many times we remortgaged. Now, as we both approach retirement and have two grandchildren that he dotes on, I really thought the bad times were behind us, but the problem has reared its ugly head again in the last six months or so. He had given me his building society card to stop him drawing money from the inheritance his mother had left him, but eventually he got frustrated at not having access to the money and got a new card by telling the building society he had lost his card. Hundreds of pounds then got withdrawn, which soon escalated to thousands. I had set up the account online so know the password and can see how much he's withdrawn. I've been checking up on him all the time and confront him whenever I see that he's withdrawn hundreds of pounds. Of course that makes him resentful, he then blames me for his gambling and says if I stop nagging him he will stop gambling, but of course that doesn't happen. I've heard it all before. I'm afraid for the future, afraid of what will happen when his savings run out. I feel such a fool for putting up with it for so long.

Hi it's a dogs life. What a sad story. If you start a new topic you will get more replies, if you want them. My advice is to get help for you. Find a gamanon meeting, get support, there is online meeting Sunday nights if you aren't near. If you change your behaviour things will change. He shouldn't have access, you can get credit reports with alerts when new cards are applied for. I control money, open all post. My husband doesn't touch any bank accounts, doesn't know the balance. If he has cash he supplies a receipt. We had a lump sum and I knew it was temptation, so I persuaded him to move it. If you don't act that money will be gone. It's time for you to get strong, get support, get counselling. Stop worrying and start doing. Yes he will continue whilst you let him. I've done all those things, believed he would stop, paid the loan off from savings. No more, I found a gamanon meeting and he followed to GA. It's as miserable for them as it is for you.