Husband relapse

Afternoon Tea and Biscuits @upn9hsti8l

Welcome to the forum and a brave and open post wanting advice. I can understand your shock as you thought gambling was behind him and agreed lies and being deceived by someone you love is the hardest thing of all.

My son gambled for 9 years and the lies caused the most hurt I think. 

I am really glad that he has opened up again and shows he wants to stop and the motivation of losing you and your children has clearly made a difference.

My son is in recovery the last 17 months but it not only takes daily work and commitment but the decision to stop is always theirs. Their recovery path is theirs to steer as well as it is more meaningful that way.

I would say, keep the communication open, get support for you from family and friends. Gamcare helpine offers a non judgemental ear, I used them so much and are great.

Check this page out about bank blocks , Monzo is fabulous at stopping payments to gambling

Everything You Need to Know About Bank Gambling Blocks - GamCare

Keep yourself ok 

Patsy

Hi tea and biscuits I am a recovering compulsive gambler and thought I would throw my 2 cents in here, it genuinely sounds like your partner is seeking help.. replases do happen and what me and my partner have learned is the sooner I speak with her about a relapse the better. It’s hard to come clean but I regularly give her updates on how I feel about my recovery what I am doing to help myself and others too.

I have gone nearly 3 years gamble free now and I am the one who manages the finances but am accountable to my partner to give her the updates and low down of are position financially. We have separate accounts but if I get the urge or I feel at risk I will transfer all money to her and talk to her about what’s going on in my head.

i hope your husband makes a post and opens up about what’s been happening, I know GA can really help and just so you know you are never cured of this addiction, it’s a life long recovery journey. 

you sound like a really nice person and couple, you both can do it like me and my partner.

take care

dave101

just for today I will not gamble, and enjoy tea and Jaffa cakes 😅

I'm in very similar situation. He's relapsed and I found out by accident. He denied it but then I shared I'd seen his phone. I made him call help line.

I'm now questioning whether fact I made him get help means he's not ready to stop and he's just going with the motions. We've got a 3 month old and I just feel so lost and alone. Do I stay and support or do I go.

I'm financially safe. I don't think he's consider handing over his finances to me. 

Being partner of someone with this addiction sucks!

Hi tea and biscuits, I've just read your post and wanted to reach out to see how your doing now the shock has worn off a bit?

I'm a month into this mess and remember just how lonely, lost and hopeless I felt the first few days. The anxiety can be crippling so keep reaching out on here if only just to get your thoughts out. 

I have 4 kids so I really understand your worry. My best advice would be to make sure you're in control of the finances. I stupidly fell for the lies when I knew in my gut something wasn't sitting right and ignored it. It turns out he was using all the money for the mortgage and important bills to gamble and I only found out when I was served court papers for a suspended reprocession of the house. 

A month in I've now took over all finances. Today has been the first pay day since it all came out. All of his wages has been transferred to me, I've a repayment plan in place for the mortgage and rates arrears and I'm finally starting to feel like I can breathe slightly. It's going to be a long/tight 2 years but I'm hoping we'll get there. I can't honestly say I've fully forgiven him or that I'll ever trust him again with money but we have managed to return to some sort of normality for the time being. 

I've been with my husband since I was 17, I'm now 34 so I know it's not just as easy to just walk away, so I totally understand how you feel. I don't trust anyone easily which he knows and I feel like I've been totally made a fool off which I feel is the hardest thing out of it all to get over.

My husband like yours is also trying to make amends and has everything in place. I also for my own sanity check in every other day to make sure he hasn't gotten an urge to gamble, (says he hasn't thought about it since restrictions have been put in place) I'm also at the point where I'm not falling for or relying on him being truthful hence the no access to money.

Only you can make the best decision for you and your family, whatever that may look like. It really is draining and dare I say like adding an extra child onto your responsibility.

I wish you luck, peace and all the best for the future 🥰