Husband won’t show me ‘his’ account

Hello Anon1993

Thank you for sharing this.

It sounds like you’ve been through a really difficult time over the last year or so, with navigating family and work challenges and changes as well as the worry and stress around your husband’s gambling.

Gambling can have a huge impact on relationships and trust and I can hear how upsetting it is to wonder whether your husband is being dishonest.  

Hopefully you’ll hear from others on here who can offer their support and share their own experiences but if you ever felt like having a chat about everything, you’re really welcome to contact us. Our Helpline team can be contacted on 0808 8020 133 and/or through our 1:1 Livechat (which are both open 24 hours every day). You may find our chatrooms helpful too – you can read more about them here.

Wishing you all the best and I hope you’re able to continue connecting with others on here.

Take care,

Claire

Forum Admin

Hi anon1993

yes you are probably right. It’s always our fault for being a crazy woman.

check through the account you can see, see how much is going out and how often. 

I’ve never had a joint account. I’m not quite sure how that affects credit reports etc. do your own credit report.

your insecurities come from many things but underlying causes will fuel them. His behaviour shows and fuel suspicions.

Try and be calm and look after yourself and the children. Take time out for you and let him look after them. Get some support.

Hi

If he is unable to be honest with him self he is unable to be honest with you.

For me  it was my fears of rejection and abandonment that caused me to not be honest with my wife.

In time my wife asked me each if I Had gambled that day.

She told me that if was my lieas which were a betrayal of her trust and me lying was very pinful.

She felt that I was lockering her out of our relationship.

It helps for people to get escorted to  recovery meeetings.

It seemed almosy impossible for me to walk in to  the recovery progra.

Also there are gamanon meeting for partners of gamblers.

In the recovery program which helps us abstain but more importantly learn to heal our pains.

There can be much support from gamanon meeting for partners of gamblers.

Sorry to hear you are suffering in your pains.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

As someone married to a gambler who hid it for long periods, this smells VERY fishy. 

We now have an agreement that I can see all his finances. We made the same agreement once before, years ago, and it fizzled out because he made me feel like an awful person for wanting to check. Turns out the gambling was back, and was far worse. Now he has eye watering debt and things are much harder. Definitely persist - do it calmly and with conviction, as it’s a totally rational thing to do with someone who has a gambling problem, and who is also your partner and co parent. 

You’re far from alone in this situation, sadly. Sure it’s familiar to many who are close to gamblers. But take strength from the fact that you’re not being crazy. 

Also, you can get support! Call the Gamcare helpline and ask to be referred to a group for affected others, or one to one support. (Or both, like I did 😁) 

Talk to friends and family who will be supportive. Don’t do it on your own - it’s heavy. 

Please don't let him gaslight you into thinking you're crazy. You're not crazy. Maybe you aren't the most secure person but I have no doubt he is doing things to feed your insecurities (gambling and/or other behaviours). The fact that he won't let you see his bank account is a huge red flag to me.

He also needs to pull his socks up and devote himself better to his children and his wife. Sure, he can have his hobbies if he's pulling his weight the rest of the time, but something tells me that he probably isn't. When do you get 6 hours (or even minutes) to yourself?

Sending love, from another mum of small children who gets it. I hope you have a friend who you can talk to