Hi all, I am new to site and in my late 30s marreid to a gambler who was suppose to stop but didn't.
My husband is a gambler and I only found out about it after 4 years of marriage. It came out only because he wasn't paying the rent and the letting agency finally emailed me to demand immediate payments. From there it only got worst. He denied gambling until it all came out that all together he had something of 8,000 debts. I had some debt at the time too, mainly because I was paying for everything in the relationship like food, going out, holiday. He never had any money and I didn't really ask how much he earned or question it why. I was stupid I know but I trusted him. He seemed such a decent person. His parent helped him pay off most of his huge debts and he started giving me most of his waged to go toward bills. We were paying his parents back £100 a month from my account. I wanted to make sure it goes every month. He started going to GA weekly. On a couple of occasions, he lost small amounts of money again, like his weekly wages that was supposed to go towards rent. But I always forgave him. Didn't know what else I could do to be honest.
I always paid the rent anyway from my own salary... what else can I do when I live there as well??? I feel I have no choice.
I pay for all shopping anyway. He gives me money but not all of it . He had some freedom after last time and I still trusted him thinking that he cannot possibly be so stupid to do this again. So, I didn't insist on seeing payslip or bank account statements, credit statements etc. I don't want to be some kinfd of police in my own relationship. I feel it is not fair on me. I helped him pay off last of his debt that he was hiding from his parents; because I wanted his credit record to go up. I was hoping we could buy a house. My family and his would help with deposit. We have no saving because of his gambling.
Last week it came out he lost all monthly wages again . When I started asking to see bank account it came out he had payday loans.
I cannot even described how angry, disappointed and betrayed felt.
I am reading all the stories here and it is always the same. They go back to the addiction and I don’t know why I should put up with this. Living my life in distrust and never being able to afford anything despite working hard all my life.
I feel guilty for not wanting to give him another chance and for wanting to end 8 years of marriage... I feel like I don't have the courage to do this, but this is seems like to sensible thing to do. Or maybe I am just running away? Taking the easiest route? But how can I stay I when their addiction is for life and it can destroy the family financially so easy...
I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to tell him this. Especially, after he offered to go to counselling to get help. He has gone away for the weekend and I don’t even want to see him now I feel so helpless and hopeless about the future
Hi girl80, I'm always sorry to see addiction winning. I'm sorry you feel the way you do. If you've read around the forum you'll see that the mistake most of us make is giving a gambler money. Be it to pay their share of bills, loans, car repairs, etc. It's a mistake and it sets them free. Safeguard your money. Find a gamanon meeting. A gambler doesn't normally get better alone. They need meetings or someone to control money, counselling. It doesn't get better over night. Get support for yourself. Learn about addiction.
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