Hi I stupidly thought I wouldn’t be back here again but I’ve been really really used . Quick background of a very long and horrific journey… I met him 22 years ago we were a couple very quickly and all was well. Over the early years I kinda knew he liked a bet but this never seemed to be a problem. 18 months into the relationship I found out he had cheated on me .. I was devastated but forgave him as he was remorseful and blamed taking drugs ( we both took recreational drugs occasionally when younger) . We went on to have two lovely boys who are now 15 and 19. 3 years ago I realised how bad his gambling addiction was and shortly afterwards I also found out he’d been on dating sites for a year and had been seeing a girl for 5 weeks . I never slept for 48 hours I was in a very dark place .. and if I’m honest I’ve changed for a happy friendly person to a shell and constantly worrying and watching has taken its toll on me . He on the other hand .. seems to just think a few tears and a sorry is enough..he has continued to rip my heart out since with his constant lies and gaslighting I stupidly told him I would try again and his empty promises have been .. well just more empty promises.. I’m worn out with trying to get him to care. He’s been going to ga since 2022 and I thought it helped but he often comes home and talks about the people there that are way worse than him .. in his words .. we had a row at the weekend about him not emotionally being there ( he does the bare minimum of anything nice and I plan date nights or have to nag him to surprise me it’s embarrassing to beg for attention) and he screamed at me that he wanted to kill himself .. he often says this if he doesn’t want to step up or do something. I no this is blatant cohesive behaviour . Last night he Was going out to his meeting so I put the cats gps tracker in his car and I watched him go to a betting shop out of the area he’s bannned from and then! He still went to his meeting!!! Not confessing to them and lying to their faces!… I confronted him last night and I got the usual blank response then the anger that he’d been caught yet again . He said it’s only when we aren’t in a good place he goes to a betting shop!! So I’m to blame yet again … im so ashamed that I didn’t leave when he cheated again and I feel so so embarrassed empty and very very alone . My mum always told me he was a waste of space and she died 1st jan this year .. I have no family now at all and no support to do this again I wish he’d let me go when I had my family to help me he’s used me for all this time . I used to be so strong but I feel weak and scared. I’m really sorry I don’t mean this post to be that long x
Am really sorry to hear this for some people extreme measures are required for a change, im on day 511 gamble free after a davasting relapse which i ended up in debt, it is possible to get the addiction under control however it depends on him the one that are successful are the one putting time and effort into recovery and doing everything possible to not place a bet, change can only come from him, my advise would be too seek support for yourself this isnt your fault at my worst nothing could have stopped me from placeing a bet i was dilustional for a good few years, i regret my past actions since being serious about my illnesss i have improved however its a life long illness and i will never be out of the woods
@tazman thanks so much for the reply .. I just can’t believe he went to ga straight from the betting shop .. it’s a real all time low and now I feel like I’d never gain a single piece of trust back for him now.he says there’s no help for him but it’s excuses and lies .. just when I think he can’t be that much of a monster he shows a whole new level . ..and while he agrees he’s got a serious addiction he seems to think everyone else is worse and is almost inwardly cocky about it..well I’m not as bad as him blah blah when I talked about a similar situation it’s like he can’t see what a vile boy he is I think trying to rationalise his own behaviour maybe?.I’m just heartbroken no matter how many chances he still manages to crush his little family.
To @nomorelee thanking you for taking the time to share your experiences upon reading it suggests you have had a very difficult time in your relationship and with the recent bereavement of your mum.
I would encourage you to speak with your G.P. about all what you have been going through as it may be impacting you mentally and physically more than you realise as you expressed that you are ‘scared and ‘feel weak’ which could be due to stress, grief and emotional exhaustion.
You mentioned that you no longer have any support which may leave you feeling isolated at times and I would advice that you access 121 support from GamCare’s Family and Friends service to discuss the impact of your partners gambling on you. They be accessed via the 24 hour helpline on 0808 802 0133.
There are also Online Chats for Family and Friends Affected by Gambling Harms, A Relationship Chat and a Women’s only chat I have sent you the link for the timetable of when there are live: GamCare - The leading provider of support for anyone affected by problem gambling in Great Britain it may offer you the space to share what you feel comfortable to share and receive some peer and professional support.
Your partner can also access 121 support via GamCare to explore as well as understand any gambling harms and behaviours there are various online services for which I have sent you the link GamCare - The leading provider of support for anyone affected by problem gambling in Great Britain They can also access 121 support with a Practitioner by calling the 24 hour helpline on 0808 82 0133 and speaking with an Advisor and making a self-referral. They may also want to speak with their G.P. if experiencing or expressing suicidal ideation.
Should either of you need immediate support you can attend A&E dial 999 or ring The SAMARITANS Samaritans | Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy | Here to listen
You are stronger than you may perceive right now because you were able to reach out for help and share your truth, hold on to your goal and take one day at a time.
We wish you all the best for the future and continue to seek support as it is out there.
Rets
Forum Admin
So sorry to read this. As tazman has said, this can be beaten but really needs 100% commitment and honesty. It sounds like that is very much not the case. I know this may be tough to hear but I think it’s time you looked after you and your kids. Until he accepts he has a real issue and not the Mickey Mouse one he seems to think he has under control as he attends a meeting, you should be asking him to leave. Protect yourself and your kids. I know it sounds daunting but I left with nothing 8 months ago. I have rebuilt, and my life is so much better. You can do the same. Hopefully it won’t come to that. Ask him to leave until he can be honest. Full financial control. Full access to his accounts. Hopefully being kicked out will be the smash in the face he needs to realise he’s not in control and he’s throwing away everything and everyone. He should be on here, not you. He needs to show you he’s taking this seriously as I really don’t think he is.
I hope you manage to get through this. If not, trust me, you can rebuild and find a life that’s so much better, with someone who treats you like you deserve. The sooner you take some big steps, the sooner you can either fix this, or move on to something better.
Stay strong 💪
I'm so sorry that you have been put in this situation through no fault of your own .I gently advise you to contact the gamcare team who can advise on the right direction to follow through cbt and can also give you contact numbers for domestic abuse .basically that is what your husband is putting you through by manipulation and plain and simple lies .you have made positive brave steps to reveal what he has put you through and by taking control of your life it will lead you back from the darkness to the light to live a happy life bless you
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