Hi, this is the first time I have done this but I just really need to get it out there and after reading several other topics I kinda of don't feel so alone. I have been with my boyfriend for just over 7 years and in all that time he has always enjoyed a bet or two and yeah the big wins were great, at first it just seemed like a seasonal thing with the football and cricket, and then the online gambling and slots came along as well as roulette. The other was the horses which was always quite a big thing. I never really noticed anything wrong or bad at first but it was more so when he did have a big win that he would never want to spend any of the money or kind of came up with a reason as to not spend it, only for me then to later find out it had all been lost on trying to win more. I know when he has been gambling and lost as he becomes very moody and distant and almost like he is pushing me away. It has got to a point now where he is in quite alot of debt and has borrowed from myself and his mum for him to then to have a relapse after saying he will stop gambling. He seems to do quite well for a period of time (or so I think) but then it starts creeping back in and then bang another big loss. He is really depressed at the moment and I want to help him but I don't really know where to start. I am sat here now trying to put gambling blocks on our computer but am really struggling with it. (Not really a tech wiz at all). He doesn't know that I'm doing this and I feel bad for doing it when he's not here but I feel like its my only option to start with. I do feel that he does want to help himself and I want to support him but I feel I maybe out of my depth a little bit. I don't know what I'm hoping to get from writing on here but I just want to not feel alone any more
Hi Emma,
If there's one thing you're not and that's alone on here.
I perfectly understand your despair having gone thro that cycle year after year for 15 years until I could take no more.
K9 is a good blocker. Just google it then follow the instructions. It really is easy even for a techno phobe
In all honesty you can't do anything to help except protect yourself financially, please don't ever take out loans in your name to help clear his debts. A compulsive gambler needs funds and all the time u help clear debts it allows him to run up more. You become his 'enabler'
You cannot cure him fix him or make him want to get help. This is something he has to do for himself
I'm so sorry you are yet another casualty of this horrid destructive behaviour.
Gamcare helpline are really good if you need to talk to someone who understands
They may even be able to offer you support if you feel it will help you.
The truth is you will never understand a CG because your brain doesn't work like theirs
Look after yourself
Shelly
Hi Emma,
Welcome to the Forum. Coping with the consequences of problem gambling can be a very frustrating and deeply worrying time.
Have you been to a meeting of Gam-Anon? Gam-Anon is a fellowship of men and women who are husbands, wives, relatives or close friends who have been affected by the gambling problem. You can find more information on them http://www.gamanon.org.uk/index.php
Dealing with the consequences of problem gambling can be an isolating experience. Discussing your particular concerns with like minded people who have maybe been through some of the same problems might help you clarify your thinking.
Gamcare can arrange face to face counselling for you. Counselling is a safe and confidential space for you to discuss the impacts of problem gambling. The sessions would usually be once weekly, lasting just under an hour at a time, at the same time and place, with the same person so that you can establish a trusting relationship with them. To arrange this you could call the helpline freephone number on 0808 8020 133 and speak to an adviser.
Best wishes
Rachel.
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