i have been with him for 11years. He rang me yesterday morning to say he'd been gambling for 5 years. As the day wore on, pennies dropped and more admissions came, he'd been gambling for 24 years. Myself and his parents had unknowingly bailed him out to the tune of €30,000. And he currently owes €16,000. I knew nothing about it. He says he's told me everything now, but he's said things like that before, and I just can't believe him. When I'm talking to him I believe what he says, but when I go and think it over I'm not so sure. He now has no access to his account, his wages are coming directly to me, and his credit cards have been cut up. But how can I be sure he doesn't have access or get another loan? He showed me his online banking accounts, but maybe there are others? His mum says she doesn't know who he is, I told her he's the same person just with a secret, but I don't know. I don't know who to talk to, and I'm scared he'll do it again. I just feel lost. I feel like my life is kind of over. Like, the life I thought I was living is gone. I'm so angry at him for taking it away but I'm glad he told me. I don't know! I just wanted to say it all.
Hi J.awo.77
First of all Im sorry to hear all of this, I myself am a CG and currently 57 days GF. The one thing us CG are good at is lying, you won't meet anyone better let me tell you that so it not your fault at all he's just very good at making you believe what he wants you to hear ! The first thing he has to do is he has to WANT to give up gambling if this even gunna get off the ground, there's plenty of help out there through this forum and helplines. From your perspective why don't you get his credit report and then you will be able to see everything and see if he's telling you the truth or not. My wife said to me the other day I'm not the person she thought I was because of all my gambling and the lies and deceit that came with it and that hurt me as I know I wasn't brought up to be the person I am when I'm gambling ! I hope you can sort thing out for yourself and your partner and will look out for any updates.
"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"
All the Best
Darren
Thanks Darren, I was just talking to him about credit reviews. We live in IRELAND and I'm not sure you can do it here. He's just given me all his bank cards, and was at a meeting this evening. I think it went well, he said he felt at home there, and that they were telling his story, so we'll see. It's very early and I know it's probably going to be bumpy, but I hope we can get through it. Thanks for answering. It's all a bit overwhelming sometimes!!
The best of luck sorting yourselves out too.
Thanks
J
No worries glad to here he went to a meeting, a GA meeting I take it ? It's a start which has got to happen at some point and hopefully a step in the right direction and I wish him all the best on his recovery, which will be a long bumpy road no doubt. Take care yourself and I will look out for any updates.
Darren
One of the worst things is the trust goes and family should know you better but they feel they no longer know that person because of the lies and deciept .So you now have to ask the big question what do you want from all this ?He himself has to admit that he has a problem then take the first steps to recovery only if he really wants to and you have to decide are you prepared to support him and that means you have to make big sacrifices and put your self first in order to deal with the heavy stuff because it's not easy but it can be done .Try to read the forums as much as you can contact gamcare and the main thing get yourself a good support network There is much more I can say but good luck.
J.awo.77 ... I can understand what you are going through. Your OH's actions have made you feel vulnerable and full of despair. But hopefully he will come to terms with the effects that his actions have caused.
I am a long-term recovering gambling addict and have let myself and my family down many times. But the truth is, an addict cannot really be understood easily.
The inclination for others may be to condemn a persons actions without real understanding of the problem. I know the logic; To judge someone for their deceitfullness and self-imposed turmoil, effecting not just themselves, but also their family and friends.
However, perhaps it would also be beneficial to consider that research has shown that over 40% of couples keep secrets from each other. Secret bank accounts, credit cards and social interactions. Perhaps it is not even natural to live with a clear concience or transparency.
Hopefully your OH will find the strength to overcome this addiction, learning to appeciate all great things that life offers.
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